Misconceptions of Weakness: The real meaning of submission

Mista’s blog yesterday reached out to women to submit to their husbands…support them…lean on them and to not be so judgmental.  Through my eyes, his blog basically gave SOCIETY’S view of submission.  A view that men take and twist to their liking….a view that women “rebel” in fear of being referred to as WEAK. Let’s take a moment and be real about it….

Ephesians says: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church...so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church….. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.”

Now…having said that…the Bible clearly states that a man and a woman are equal in the spiritual realm…but..in the flesh, the man is the HEAD and should guide his home and family.  Guide…not belittle…not control…as a matter of fact…if you read deeper, it says both man and woman should submit to each other.

Submission is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of respect. Respect for your marriage and respect for the WORD of GOD.  Submission is not equal to obeying….you SUBMIT to your spouse…you OBEY your parents.  There’s the difference.  Any man or woman that takes the word submission and uses it to their liking is SELFISH. No marriage or relationship can stand without support. Not just from the woman…but the man as well.  Each party is equally responsible ….

Let’s stop putting the term submission on the woman…if anything…let’s say u are pursuing the “virtuous woman” ….or ladies…u’d like to be a “virtuous woman.”  And men…what’s a virtuous woman without a God fearing man? Stand up…be a man…be the head…and claim the titles God intended for us.

        http://meandmistajones.blogspot.com/2012/06/how-can-you-submit-to-him-and-lean-on.html

What Makes a "Marriage" a "Marriage"

From the moment you say "I do", you are no longer ONE in the singular. Your eternal mate...the mate you have confessed ur undying love and commitment to...in front of family and friends and GOD... becomes ONE with you. You have vowed to love this person for better or worse....in sickness and in health...till death do you part.... Or so the vows say.... Do you really think of the commitment involved in those words, or are they considered part of the regular wedding routine?  

Just days ago, a close friend and I were having a conversation about marriage (or lack of) and the question "What makes a marriage a marriage?" surfaced.  Being a recent divorcee', I instantly had a list of things....lol...but then I stopped and asked myself, did  I have those same things in mind while I was STILL in the marriage? And surprisingly....while some of them remained, most didn't.    

Marriage is many different things to many different couples.  Some view it as a lifelong commitment to the one they love...unconditionally...and no matter what, they will make it work. Others view it as a decision made too hastily...a decision that unfortunately cannot be undone...a decision that needs a little "tweaking" to make it work--lol---u know...someone on the side that is willing to accommodate "ur situation".... But the fact remains that marriage should be the same across the board.  A sacred commitment....  

Marriage is work...(well for those who have challenges) ... and those who don't.. Well...they view it as their dedication to their mate. It's progress. Marriage shouldn't be a playing ground to put ur mate's weakness on blast....nor should it be an opportunity for u point out ur strengths in lieu of their struggle. It should be combining those factors...because....remember... you are ONE.  

There are breakdowns in every marriage.....So please don't think I’m saying that it's not a possibility...What I am saying is, think before you say I do....and if you have already said it...give it the time...give it the effort...reach back to the TRUE reason you said I DO... 

What makes a marriage a marriage? In my (Ro) opinion....Prayer, honesty, respect and communication. Prayer that God leads ur marriage....Be Honest enough to admit ur faults....Respect ur spouse and their beliefs....and Communicate when things aren’t right. And after you've done ALL those things....I mean TRULY tried...and it still doesn't work...THEN, consider leaving...with NO REGRETS. Once you leave, things will never be the same.

RO I was thinking, What does maintaining such a relationship entail? Well we've blog about commitment... which I think is a vital factor. But here's how the marriage relationship is biblically described "A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) and the only scriptural basis for divorce with the possibility of remarriage..."fornication" that is, illicit sex relations outside the marriage. (Matthew 19:9) 

So, first of all before you are .... or even thinkng  and contemplating marriage... I'm first going to bear these scriptural standards in mind. If i'm not ready for this solemn commitment...then I can assure you... your marriage will not be a marriage and you are not ready for marriage. The idea of a solemn commitment frightens many. Knowing that the two of you would be stuck together for life.... can sometime make you feel pushed into a corner, closed in, totally confined. 

But if you really love the person you intend to marry, commitment will not seem like a burden. Instead, it will be viewed as a source of security. The sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a marriage feel more secure.... and make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive of each other come what may.... bearing all things and enduring all things. That's Mista's 13 to "I love the comfort of having admitted to ourselves and the world that we intend to stick together."(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Achieving an equal balance of friendship and parenting

Achieving an equal balance of friendship and parenting is the goal of every parent. We strive to befriend our children in hopes they will open up to us...allowing us access into their personal lives. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen.

As parents, our primary duties are to love, lead, provide and discipline.  From the moment your child breathes air on their own, YOU (the parent) are responsible for preparing them for the world in which they were born. God made them especially for you.

A PARENT loving a child-- teaches them what it means to love...shows them what unconditional love is...and helps the child acquire the ability to love in return.  A PARENT leading a child--teaches them right from wrong...teaches them respect...and brings them up in the way God would want them to be. A PARENT providing for a child-- gives them the necessities....food, clothing, shelter and support. A PARENT disciplining a child-- spares the rod and spoils the child...holds them accountable for their actions...and DOES NOT uphold wrong.

They won't always like these things....and they won't always follow the rules. But as a CHILD they SHOULD respect it.  This is the time you exercise ur rights as a PARENT. They are NOT on an equal playing field.

No...Im not saying you can't be friends with your child. You SHOULD be. I wish that I could have talked to my parents about the things my kids talk to me about. (boys, sex, bullies etc) But, I didn't feel comfortable doing it.  Maybe if I did, I wouldnt have made such foolish mistakes. lol  Anyway....I AM a friend to my girls...we talk, laugh, hang out etc..... I give them advice and I allow them to voice their opinions. HOWEVER....there is a line.  They DO NOT and WILL NOT talk back to me. They DO NOT and WILL NOT argue with me. I AM the PARENT, they are the CHILD. And...if either one of them ever decides to try and cross those lines, I can guarantee you I will pop the SH&* out of them before they can finish their sentence. You don't have to like what I said or what I made u do, but you WILL RESPECT IT!  It works for me...and they know how far they can push me...Ive had the conversation...they know Im here as ur friend...but Im UR MOTHER FIRST...

It may not take even putting ur hands on them. These days, kids are so dependent on money and gadgets, you can hurt them just as bad by taking away their prized possessions :) kmsl  You have to remember though...these are your children...not ur friends. There is a difference...so exercise it.

  Mista's 13: There is a difference.... and if there's no confidential talk.... no honest and open communication between children and parents..... teenagers can become strangers in the house. Nevertheless, remember that "when there is no skillful direction, the people fall, but salvation in the multitude of counselors." (Proverbs 11:14) When our teenagers realize this ...... understanding that they still need skillful direction,  is the difference....... since they are facing more complex issues than before. Yes, the teen years can be exciting, but they can also be confusing.... both for parents and for teenagers. 

For some..... the teen years are turbulent. Because as adolescents we experience emotional ups and downs. And as teenage boys and girls become more independent, they may resent limits placed on them by us as their parents. So how can the lines of communication be kept open during these time........ well, think of it...... like this..... to help our teenagers to thrive?! Mista's 13... family bible study is essential for the family.... it's an outstanding help in communicating family and spiritual values to young people. Parents who follow bible counsel give their adolescent offspring the best possible opportunity....... to make their way successfully through those trials to responsible adulthood. 

It is a choice and a decision ...Commitment

If a man/woman says to his wife/husband, I fallen out of love with you, they are actually saying, I never loved you unconditioally to begin with. Their love was based on feelings or circumstance rather than commitment. So many things I ... see and hear from people has not changed just different faces....The mis-understanding of true love..... is not a feeling, it is a choice and a decision, we continue to defraud one another. That means " deprive, steal from, withhold from. "There are many "thieves" who stand before us daily, unaware that they are stealing from their Love and joy. Why? Would one pretend that the person that matters most, doesn't matter at all ? WhY? Like Our lives belong to us. News flash, How we treat each other MATTERS. And the reason why, I feel like SO MANY OF US just live our lives in this "Illusion" that we aren't going to die one day.

 The HARD TRUTH....  If your mate doesn't care about you, they don't care about you leaving. Nor, does he/she care about you giving yourself to another man/woman, just so you can feel as if you got "revenge" on them. So ladies and gentelmen, stop giving your all to someone who practically gives nothing to you, just so you can say, "THey'll never find another to love them like I did!" Or, "I know they'll miss what they had in me." Trust they DON'T CARE! Most people do not sit around healing, thinking about & crying over a person for months & years, that they were not commitmented to if the first place ! In fact, many do not take the time to evaluate their baggage before taking it to the next relationship. So, get yourself a life & stop wailing over some love that was based on feelings or circumstance ....who has moved on without you in theirs! 

Life is short, so enjoy it! Travel someplace you've never gone! Do something you've never done! Take some risks & don't be afraid to live! You don't want to look back when you're older & have regrets because you didn't live your life to its fullest! Break out of your comfort zone & stop living that ole' mundane routine day in & day out! Take every precious breath that God gave you, as a gift & an opportunity to plan something great, starting today! THINK ABOUT IT! WHAT HAVEN'T YOU ACCOMPLISHED YET? IT'S TIME TO TAKE IT OFF YOUR "THINGS TO DO" LIST! It is a choice and a decision ...commitment

We Are All Unfinished Gifts

Many men will observe a woman to discern if she is willing to grow with him, and we should. The truth of the matter is, we are all unfinished gifts.... It is the experiences we go through in life and the interaction with others that cause us to grow and become better people. Accepting a man for who he is, seeing his vast potential, and allowing him to grow into it is a rare gift that delights a man when he finds it. Why? Because he doesn't expect to. He has grown used to some women who judge him by where he is, and what he has acquired, and either accept or disqualify him based on what she finds.

The bottom line is this..... the independent thinking, the cynicism, and the jaded outlook some women have acquired today.... are not willing to struggle, grow, and develop with a man. Now ladies...... don't get me wrong ... I'm not saying, get with a man that isn't clearly on your level, but when you meet a good man... and you have forgotten that God dreamweaved you as a woman..... to finish and complete a man...... and you fall for.... the bad boy, because he has money.. ijs it is what it is... bad decision 101.

With that in mind, become open to endless possibilities that "two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9) A woman bring a lot to a man's life.... that was sorely lacking before she entered his world. A woman sees all the missing pieces, together a man..... and a woman..... can build a future filled with desires... So ladies, if you are the woman that have forgotten her gift and wrongly expect them to be in place when you arrive. Hmph!!! Know this to be true.... a man is drawn to a woman who knows how to work with him and not against him, regardless of his faults.

(Smh...clearing my throat...)

Um....Mista...Yes...we ALL are unfinished gifts. Imperfectly perfect gifts that God put on this Earth with purpose. Yes...God created WOMAN for MAN... He took a rib from the man and created woman. But, it is not the responsibility of the woman to find a man...Proverbs says: He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Nor is the responsibility of the woman to head the household....Corinthians says: But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 

As women, (some) we have become accustomed to thinking, doing, and initiating everything in our lives. We have experienced liars, cheaters and bums....we have been the HEAD and the TAIL of the household bc we were single parents. Yes, (some) women prefer bad boys--and--not all bad boys are TRULY bad boys...lol IJS... And..bc of this...we get a bad rep. We are called jaded....broken...gold diggers...etc. Some of are...BUT, for the rest of us...we are TIRED. So YES, we do think twice...we do become independent...we do get attitudes and have a low tolerance for bs. It's life. We just live it.

ALL of us...both men and women dream for the same thing. Someone who completes us...accepts us for our flaws...and loves us unconditionally. It happens...just not always on OUR time.

Imma leave yall with a piece of advice a co worker gave me (compliments of her grandmother):

"Yes...the man is the HEAD of the household....BUT...the woman is the NECK. And...the last time I checked, one CANNOT survive without the other." kmsl

You should have the final say: The truth about SELF ESTEEM

Almost every channel u turn to has something about enhancements. Whether its weight loss, "butt adds"or new lashes... There are a ton of options at ur fingertips. If u didn't have self esteem issues before.... I bet after looking at one too many infomercials, u can find SOMETHING that needs improvement.

My question is this.. Who decides what features are acceptable or not acceptable? Is it the online BMI calculator that says ur 5'4 build is overweight bc u weigh 135 lbs instead of 125 lbs... Or  is it Dr Oz who says ur 'inherited' moles are unattractive and should be removed... No.. No.. It's Oprah.. She's lost almost 100 pounds by changing her eating habits-- and u should too bc the 'soul food' u grew up on is killing u.. GTFOH!!!

YOUR appearance is YOUR choice. YOU have to walk around with that body.. YOU have to walk around with those moles.. YOU have to walk around with  a 'big' butt. And keeping it real, if YOU have no problems with ur flaws (note: they're only flaws if u don't like them) why the hell should someone else? Im just saying....

I heard a girl say today she needed to lose weight bc 'her man said she was getting chunky'.. Smh  I thought she was built quite nicely.. Although she would prob look better without the 'cherry' and pink highlights....kmsl.. So I asked her, do YOU think ur getting chunky?? And u know what her reply was? No... But he does... and I GOTTA make my man happy..(with a frown on her face)

Pump the BRAKES! Seriously?

Change...whether it's mental or cosmetic SHOULD NOT be done based on someone else's opinion of u.  Once u start doing that, u lose the person u are.  Now...there are some instances where someone may ASK their mate, "baby, am I gaining weight?" or.... they may say...."Bay...Im gaining weight huh?" and the mate says yes or co signs... but that's different... THEY are initiating the conversation.  SELF esteem starts with SELF. No ifs, ands or buts....

So, the next time someone steps to you and points out a flaw, you tell them ur perfect the way you are...lol...and when they say...says who (and trust me they will) u look them in the face and say, ME! I SAY SO.... lol Don't hate the playa...hate the game. I gotta call it like I see it.


hmmmm.... It's not as bad as you think. You will be surprised to find that while we are examining ourselves under a high-powered microscope for all of our various real and imagined flaws, others view quite differently. Every person has their favorite feature. Lips, legs, eyes, oh my! It is a varied list depending on who is looking your way. Something about you might catch their eye that is seemingly insignificant, even quirky, in fact. Aaah, but to hold anothers gaze, the picture of you must be completed, but not exactly the way you think....


Be kind to your body. Care for it well. It is the only one YOU have.  Take responsibility for making yours a body YOU will be proud to present to your mate...Do the work it takes to maintain a sense of well-being.  Eat right, sleep and exercise.  If you feel good about your body, "your mate will too." 


Mista's 13: Key Word....YOU...meaning how you feel about your "Sexy"...it is what it is.

Did you lock the door? Leaving the past in the past...

RO'S WISDOM.... Some of us had beautiful past....we have a beautiful present..and we look forward to a beautiful future. We were able to build from our mistakes and move on to the place we are today.  Unfortunately, that's not always the case....the past can be an ugly reminder of ur failures as well as a security blanket to NOT move forward....

God created yesterday, today and tomorrow..... Yesterday is gone....Today should be lived....and tomorrow is a blessing (if HE sees fit to allow u life) So...I have to wonder...why are we holding on to the PAST?

I cant speak for anyone else but I used to bounce back to the past bc it was/is familiar. Familiar in the sense of people...situations....I just knew what the outcome would be. But, what I started to realize was...the past is over. All those people and situations have changed....and not all of them for the good. 

Divorce is a beautiful thing. I know ppl are reading this going WTH? kmsl...but IT IS. Divorce basically FORCES you to look at what went wrong and why....it FORCES you to learn from ur mistakes so u dont repeat them....it FORCES you to do a SELF CHECK and accept your SELF WORTH (without negotiation).  It's the reason I can blog today about leaving the past in the past.

Reaching back in ur past is a part of fear.  Ur scared of the new....and u'd like an easy fix.  Well....let me tell u this...LIFE isn't easy. There are times u will fall....there are times u will fail...it's just a part of the crooked path we travel in hopes of finding a straightaway. You won't get there going backwards...u won't get there detouring...the road to LIFE is designed to move forward. Lock the door to ur past...let it stay where it is....no...don't forget it...but know it's no longer needed. If God meant for us to live in the past, He wouldn't have created TODAY and TOMORROW.



Mista's 13 WAY OUT... there is a way out, a stage of recovery that I found to be healthy. That is openness. Being transparent and open is an honest desire to face the truth and deal with change. Openness allows you to begin making plans about the future, not spend hours reliving the pasts.


Acceptance of what has happened and learning how to go on requires openness. What I came to know is the understanding that everyone goes through this experience to one degree or another in various ways. Life is a process of change. Society changes, nations change, people change. You cannot live a healthy life and live in the past. Do not let the failures of the past interfere with your future.


There is life after divorce, life after separation, life after a loved one dies, and life after being jilted. But you first have to find hope... in forgiveness... this removes any walls rather vertical or as well as horizontal, but this one thing I could share most is, "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before"(Philippians 3:13) it's amazing what you find when you seek from the BiG BooK OF dECISIONS... 

The Race Card: Dating Outside of your Race

Dating Outside of your Race....Acceptable or Not Acceptable....

...this has been a controversial topic for as long as I can remember....yet, I wonder why.... Ever since times of slavery, interracial relationships have existed.  People seem to focus on the negative....how slaves were raped by their masters and mixed children were the result. But, there were instances where the white masters fell in love with the slaves and made them house ni&&@$....some even went as far as to move away to places where slavery was less dominant....  And...the fact remains that dating/relationships outside your race will always exist in some form.

Speaking from my perspective....there's nothing wrong with interracial relationships. Relationships are based on a series of factors, and if that person fits...well...they fit. It should have nothing to do with race... Just my opinion.  I will say however, because of the history tied to it and the ignorance of others, interracial dating requires Faith, a strong mind and tough skin. Insults, injury and sometimes death occurs as a result...there's always someone who tends to play God and judge. It's sad....but true.

Relationships are hard no matter the race...so...should we make it tougher through stereotypes of today? Ice T and CoCo...Iman and David Bowie...they make it work...and quite successfully I may add. Am I so naive NOT to think that there are some fueled by the love of money....the need for control....certainly not! But, some "same race" marriages exist for the same reasons. lol ....If you ask me....it's a matter of choice and what makes you happy.


Mista's 13

Multicultural families have grown in numbers and in prominence over the decades. Consider the fact that we even voted a man from such a family into presidential office. Interracial romance is nothing new but still faces unique challenges. Interracial marriages used to be illegal in the U.S. ...... Now, interracial relationships are no longer taboo in most circles but still face some problems.

Loving across racial lines continues to prove challenging, as racism—and thus opposition to interracial relationships—still exists. The negative opponent use the "tragic mulatto" myth to justify their views. This myth suggests that biracial children will inevitably grow into tortured misfits angry that they fit into neither black nor white society. While mixed-race children certainly face challenges, raising well-adjusted biracial children is possible if parents are proactive and sensitive to their children’s needs.

When I was married ... my ex had a little sister, that was biracial. It was when she was six or seven ... she came to live with us. And my experience is to say that it was no different than raising my own boys... now, I believe at times kids at her school were indifferent  with her due to her skin tone.. but don't kids do that any way.. no matter what your skin tone is? I mean foolishness is bound in the heart of a child... Even though I don't have any issues with biracial relationships.... I'll be involved with the all tones of many racial back grounds... No reason purposely ... other than the woman is beautiful to me.. the honey butter... multi tone of a woman... O M.. J O N E S E S!!! But I will say this to be true... that love has nothing to do with or see the tone of a person skin tone or race... can Mista... love blindly ... YES !!! and Have.. Family Comes Together.... no matter what race

You Need To Know Who You Are

Most find it easy to list what they want in a mate!! However, what about your own qualities? What traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful relationship? What type of husband or wife will you be? Do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always defensive when corrected? Are you generally cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining? Marriage will not change your personality. If you are proud, oversensitive, or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married.

To marry without a strong sense of self worth and personal identity means that you will spend your life trying to become somebody, usually by attaching yourself to your spouse's identity. If your spouse also has an identity problem, then you have double trouble. You need to know who you are and be secure and complete and whole within yourself before you get married. If you know who you are .. if you have a good self-image.. you won't need anyone in order to be someone. Then you will have prepared well for the fourth love from the original language of the christian Greek scriptures, the word for this fourth kind of love is AGAPE; an unselfish concern for doing to others what is right and good from HIS standpoint, whether the recipient appears to deserve it or not..

Sometimes it’s just the little slights and daily agitation thoughts of ignoring that need forgiveness, the occasional sharp word or angry accusation. But we harbor it, let it eat at us, and build up bitterness and resentment which erodes our relationship. There is no way to avoid it. But every time they do, we must first remind ourselves that we really did forgive, then rehearse how much God has forgiven us, then ask Him to take the destructive, unforgiving thoughts out of our minds. A strong relationship will be strong enough to survive just about any challenge even distance. So if you discover your relationship can't survive a period of living far apart, don't feel too bad. As much as it may hurt to admit it, it's probably better to move on. Remember that your wedding lasts just one day but your marriage lasts a lifetime..

Well Mista...my few cents on this issue is this:

If you are true to SELF and you present urself that way, it is the option of the person interested to ACCEPT or REJECT you. Marriage or commitment is secondary bc how can you make anyone else happy if you aren't happy with urself?

So many people get caught up with changing bc they want to view themselves through the eyes of "relationship status" and not through the "real view" which is SELF. If you do that at the beginning, there's really no need to change or attach urself to anyone else.

YOUR perfect mate accepts you....flaws and all. They know WHO you are and WHOSE you are...and respects you in all those aspects. PERIOD.

Time Vs. Relationships: Is there a Balance?

How much time should a couple be spending together while dating?

Your relationships should always benefit and enhance your life. If you're doing worse in school because you stay up all night talking on the phone, your relationship may be out of balance. If you're consistently late to work because you want to spend every last second with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you may need to step back and reevaluate how much time you spend together.

You may want to curb how much time you spend on the phone, which could be tough when you first meet. Extended calls can eat up massive amounts of your time. Make sure your calls are balanced with the rest of your life. In addition, don't let a relationship cause you to miss out on other important opportunities or activities, don't miss out on the other relationship in your life. If your family and friends suddenly become nonentities in your daily life, you're missing out on some valuable companionship.

Balance all the aspects of your life.... because a boyfriend or girlfriend can't be everything for you. The key to the balance... is that all your relationships should always benefit and enhance your life... if you balance the time you spend on your relationship with the time you spend on other things, you'll fine yourself even keeled. Then if it happen to not workout, you won't have compromised your other relationships or goals.

Mista's 13 secret: You'll also place greater value on your time together if you don't have as much of it. You'll look forward to each moment you get to spend with each other instead of taking it for granted... if you don't believe me ask, RO.... our friendship struggled in this area in the beginning....

Being a single mother, my time is very limited.  Working a full-time job, (that I commute 45 minutes to everyday) taking care of home, and raising two girls doesn't give me much wiggle room when it comes to time.  It seems that almost every second of my day is consumed.  No matter how I try to "reorganize" my schedule, there is NEVER enough time in the day. First one up, last one to sleep....lol...I need a clone...and chances are, my clone will need one too.  :) ...okay...I digress.

I haven't dated much since I've been single. Mostly because I don't really have the time to invest into making a relationship work. I don't believe in bringing new "potentials" around my girls bc if it doesn't work, I don't wanna have to explain why he's no longer around. Sounds crazy...but I feel like it's necessary.  (we blogged about that in MEET the KIDS)

To create to balance, u first have to have communication. So....in order for ur mate or potential mate to determine if he/she can handle how much time ur able to give, they have to know what's going on in ur life!!! Plain and simple.

Most my relationships are based on texting. Texting is not only my preferred form of communication, it's the most convenient. Im not saying I don't like to talk....bc I do...it's just that texting comes in handy when Im doing a thousand things with a thousand people....and it lets the other person know that YES Im hearing u and you are important too. Those that can relate---well...those that WANT to relate-- they stick around...others, they bounce...(Kanye shrug)...it is what it is. Do I make time for visits? Yes... Do I make time for phone calls? Yes... But it's not something that always happens.  Im a MOTHER first, so, my girls take priority....I know some of you won't agree...and that's cool....Im just saying what applies to ME.

Mista understands...kmsl...and could probably tell you some stories...touch and go phone calls, threatening the kids in the middle of a phone conversation, calling right back turning into calling days later...lol Still, he understands.  If you have the time to invest into ur mate/friendship, by all means.....DO IT.  I would love to have the balance of work, home, kids and the mate...it just doesn't work for me.

My recommendation is this: Strategize (know ur priorities and give them all order) Communicate (keep ur person in the loop) and Finalize ( u know what needs to be done, uve communicated it to ur person, and now u work towards BALANCE...) Remember: There's only ONE you. 

Regain Custody of Yourself First

Is it crazy to seek with purpose, I know what I want… try to keep up with these thoughts that are not like most . I’m just not sharing random thoughts…. Sharing how I am; just stepping into my 40s, regaining custody of yourself after divorce is a journey in itself, so I seek with purpose. I enjoy entertaining a woman however I don’t want to be labeled anyone’s “boyfriend” or feel in any way obligated to just one woman unless we're talking of "Planning to WED"...

We men have some weird ways of proving our manhood, but that's because we have some strange ideas of what it means to be a man. Many of us did not have fathers who took us by the hand, and later stood shoulder to shoulder, to show us the way of the world. Many of us never had a dad acknowledge our manhood, which means we have been locked in a desperate search for someone, or something, that would acknowledge it. There in lies the problem. We spend our lives doing stupid stuff to try to fit in...

Today I will be conscious of the choices that are mine to make. Choosing wisely now..... so that I will make the right decisions throughout the rest of my life and positively impact my own future thoughts of being deeply loved by someone that gives me strength, while loving that someone deeply affecting my courage. I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to that One.

Guarding the treasures of the heart for someone, or something, to just acknowledge me.... I don't think so.... Because I have learned that life will bring unexpected twists and when you feel you've lost all control, NO worries!!! You've only hit life's Potholes on the road to destiny!! Single, Married, Separated, or Life After Divorce.... Regain Custody of Yourself First... and never lose your identity...... because for me.... Love that " bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things".... does not come from within. It can only come from G  O  D  ...

You know what I think Mista? Everyone loses a piece of themselves during the course of any relationship.  Whether it's for sincere personal reasons or to please their mate, something is lost.  Recovery of the "right" things...(and by right I mean, FOR YOURSELF...) should begin not after the relationship has ended but immediately after you realized "it" has been lost.

At one time, I was looking at men in my "present"....looking at men from my "past"....even imagining men in my "future"....trying to figure out who would best fit ME. It didn't matter that I was still trying to cope with the fact that so much of my life had been lost based on fear and that I NEEDED to do some "spring cleaning" mentally before I moved on. However....I quickly found that every attempt I made....for some reason or another...was not successful.  This wasn't by chance...or circumstance...it was bc God was trying to tell me in so many actions, I needed to slow down and be patient.

Women are the Number 1 offenders of "Others Love"....Others Love is the act of giving ourselves endlessly to others FIRST and putting ourselves LAST... it's instilled in us. BUT, it's not until we learn that happiness starts with self that we truly begin to regain custody over our lives.

I have decided that THIS time...My choices will become not only choices with thought, but choices of PRAYER and THOUGHT. My mate won't be a compromise....my standards won't be reduced...and I won't live my life scared to take chances. I am who I am (as Mista says) on PURPOSE. Either they will accept me as IS or the deal will never be FINAL. lol IJS...

Is Sexual Compatibility Important?

First of all, if you are shy or an introvert....u should stop reading...lol... the blog today may contain some sexual references unsuitable for "unsexual" (is that a word? lol) adults. If you continue reading...please note that you have been warned. 

On days like today, being single is NOT what's up! Waking up alone in bed without a warm, hard body part next to you is a major FAIL. This is one of the things I miss most about being in a committed relationship.....sigh... Yes..... I can climb out of bed and retrieve B.O.B. (boyfriend out of a box)....please myself...and climax in 60 seconds...but sometimes u want a person that can actually talk back...push back...stroke back....u get where Im going right?

Contrary to what people admit, sex IS a major part of every relationship. And...in my point of view...sexual compatibility is as well.  Picture this....(in a description taken from D. Black) You have a mate that is wonderful....a provider....compassionate...loyal...you have years of history with them...and one day, the awesome sex you once had, ceased to exist.  What do you do? 1- stay and continue to be unfulfilled? 

2- stay and find a part time fill in? or 3- leave and find a full time fill in?  4- stay and fight to get back what you once had? 

Me personally...lol...I would stay and attempt to get it back.  If my mate has all of the qualities I desire and that is the ONLY thing that's lacking....why the wocka flocka would I leave? There are too many resources out there to bring the spice back. BUT, before you even take it there, ask yourself these questions...one, what prompted their lack of desire? and two, are you willing to do whatever it takes to get it back?  

Whatever you did to get that person, it's up to YOU, to continue.  IJS!!! Sexual compatibility doesn't come with a money back guarantee. It comes with the notion that this is what ur producing...and this is what I will CONTINUE to receive. 

If the sex sucks before, it will SUCK afterwards.  Stop thinking "Oh...I can mold them"...."Oh...I can change that"...."Oh...it's brand new"....NO! .....kmsl....Find a compatible mate...OUTSIDE and IN...(we blogged about that in Finding the Perfect Mate) and then move forward..



The magazines at the supermarket checkout might say," Fantasize to a Better Sex Life." The talk shows may say,"Let variety improve your sex life..... But Mista's 13 Sexual Compatibility is " The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:3-4) 

Sex was created because of its awesome potential to draw hearts together as one. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.

Spouses should never..... wait until the situation is perfect or until their feeling are just right before moving ahead and doing the right thing in relational issues, especially regarding sex. The right feeling will generally follow the right actions soon enough. Besides, if we plan to love our mates as ourselves, we must make room for their needs and their intimacy.

Attaining normal, "Sexual Compatibility" calls for personal sacrifices...... sacrifices that you may have to make. You can count on a sexual payoff following the verse (1 Corinthians 7:3-4). Whether your mate is wide or narrow or lumpy or smooth, when you focus your full attention on your fountain, they'll become ever more sexy to you. Their weak points will become the sexist..... because they're yours and yours alone. They're all you have, and you can cherish them and let them fulfill you. If you limit your eyes to your mate only, your own tastes will adapt to what you're viewing. Your mate's strengths and weaknesses will become your tastes. Eventually, they'll be..... beyond comparison in your eyes sexually compatible. 

Why am I here? A thought in Relationships....

Relationships are like melons...you choose them by their appearance and feel...and hope they turn out to be sweet. Some do...and some don't. What gets us is how we respond when they don't...

Let me back up...those of you that are actually in a COMMITTED relationship,(not a relationship with someone on the side) have you ever asked urself, "Why am I here?" ...better yet..."Why am I STILL here?" lol The majority of you, if ur true to self, is shaking ur head yes...yes I've asked that question...over and over again. Well, today Im asking....what's ur answer? And...is that a real answer or one based on fear?

I was married for 11 years...together for 12. I got and had just about everything my heart desired; with the exception of TRUE LOVE. The house, the kids, the dog, vacations, family events.....all that. But I wasn't totally happy. I always felt like there was something missing. Of course I went through the motions, tried to make it all work--but eventually all the things that wasn't right--even from the beginning--begin to show.

Yet...I stayed. And I asked myself, "WHY AM I STILL HERE?"...why am I here and unhappy??

My answers were simple. I was there for the kids. (so they could have a two parent home and get the things they want without struggle) I was there bc I couldn't make it alone (rising costs of gas, unemployment and ridiculous costs to rent) and... I was there bc I didn't want to be alone. (I was in love with the thought of being with someone...I wasn't in love!! Sound familiar? Thought so.

 I did it for years...and in the process... I lost ME. The ME that still today Im trying to recover. I blogged this today bc I know there are people out there asking themselves the same thing...convincing themselves that it's ok to be in a verbally abusive relationship...a physically abusive relationship..a relationship with someone u don't love...a relationship with someone who doesnt love you...And you know what? It's NOT okay.

If you can truly say u've done all u can do (prayed, counseled, etc)...LEAVE. I did it. Yes...it was a struggle. No...Im not totally where I want to be...but PEACE OF MIND is priceless. Pray about it, lean on God, and if it's time...Trust that God will keep you and lead you. The kids know...you know...stop asking and JUST DO IT.



THE SIMPLE LIFE.... Not too long ago an extensive survey was conducted in the United States by a leading polling agency. Questionnaires were distributed to people of various ages and occupations. The key question was.... What are you looking for most in life? When the results were compiled, the analysts were surprised. Most of them had expected answers that would suggest materialistic goals, but the top three things that people wanted in life were love, joy , and peace.... the first three fruits of the Spirit!!!

Often we look around and think that the world might offer greater satisfaction in life, but that's not true. We of kindred spirit have what the world is seeking in the wrong places(usually). I was married once... and looking from the outside... you would have thought we were a fine couple who everything in material things. I had diligently worked and saved to have the best. However, we divorced... looking back over time ... I think the chief complaint was that we needed to live a simpler life.... not as much to polish and clean.. not as many cars to drive, not as many homes to take care of. In our own way.... we wanted love, joy and peace.

Mista's 13 cents... is seek to exhibit love, joy, and peace today.. LOVE requires thoughtfulness... on both sides the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.. If you are married.. know that you can't do it alone ... come to understand that the only way you can love your spouse the way Jesus loved the church is through loving God... know that you can not do it without Him.... no matter how what when and who you try.. if not through Him... your love will always not build.....

There's only two reason to biblically divorce... adultery and a non believer... I would not co-sign any other reason. And know this to be true... LOVE IS A CHOICE. CHOOSE TO LOVE.... if you failed your marriage and its not because of these two reasons to be true >... then you have only truly failed.... to love through God... because His Love Never Fail.... THE TRUTH IS THIS ... LOVE IS NOT DETERMINED BY THE ONE BEING LOVED BUT RATHER BY THE ONE CHOOSING TO LOVE. THE SIMPLE LIFE....

Spare the rod and Spoil the Child

With all the talk about Creflo Dollar and his arrest, I thought that today we would explore techniques in discipline. Of course society has taken discipline to new measures...but is this something that YOUR values support? And...if not, are you willing to conform to what's "politically correct"?

 I don't know about you, but Tyler Perry's Madear most closely reflects my memories of childhood discipline. Children stayed in a child's place...and by their place I mean:
1. Children did not interject, interrupt or even be present in adult conversation.
2. Children did not throw temper tantrums.
3. "Because I said so." was a valid reason for ANYTHING your parents said. Period.
4. Going to school and making good grades (good meaning anything ABOVE a C) was mandatory.
5. Going to church was not an option. Even if you were a teenager allowed to go out--u had BETTER be ready for 11 oclock service.
6. Be home before the first street light came on.
7. Respect your elders.
8. You ARE your brothers' keeper. 
9. Lying is grounds for a beat down. Tell the truth and shame the devil.

 ....I could go on and on. If you broke any of the rules above, you got ur butt tore out the frame. It didn't matter with what (extension cord, phone, shoe, belt, switch.....lol)...and you had BETTER not even THINK about calling anybody or telling anybody because that would definitely be your a$$!!! They instilled the fear of God in you at an early age. lol Did we survive? Yes! And for the majority of us, it made us into the hardworking, respectful people that we are today.

So...do I support Creflo Dollar for "disciplining" his daughter? Absolutely! Let a child of mine disrespect me...smh...woooooo...they wouldn't. lol They know their Mama is crazy. I said all that to say, there's no way I would ever allow ANYONE to tell me how to raise MY children. I brought them into the world...(go ahead and finish lol)...and I will take them out!! kmsl...sound familiar? No one was present in Rev. Dollar's house when things went down...so...let us not make speculations of what happened. What we can do, is pray that the truth comes out and continue to raise our children as WE see fit, not as SOCIETY tells us.

What are ur thoughts?


PROVERBS WISDOM....... My son, hear the instruction of your father, and forsake not the laws of your mother. For they shall be an ornament of grace unto your head, and chain about your neck. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just. He who spares his rod hates his sons, but he who loves him chastens him betimes. A faithful witness will not lie, but a false witness will utter lies. A true witness delivers souls, but a deceitful witness speaks lies. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Bow down your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart unto my knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child, for if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from Hell.

 Mista 13 cents : the rod of correction ... does not mean your hands: like choking, punching, or gun... but the rod correction.. would be: like a belt, switch, grounding or jail .... to only name a few. Parents be wise in your choices... its our place to teach them not only right but righteousness.

Platonic relationships...do they really exist?

When most people talk about "platonic relationships," they are referring to "an intimate companionship...characterized by the absence of sexual involvement." A close friendship between a man and a woman." Some people do not believe that men and women can truly have platonic relationships. Mista thinks differently..... thinking that the misconception here is that there will always be romantic tension between the friends or that one friend will want a physical relationship.

Smh ..... now, platonic relationships can be confusing at times.... when boundaries are crossed and they can be misunderstood by others <thinking the key word is "boundaries">>.... but romantic confusion can be avoided as long as both friends communicate.... honestly.

Having a platonic friend after divorce has benefited me and other relationships in my life. Such a friend offers a different perspective on careers, family and dating relationships. Getting the male or female perspective can help you see life in a new way. Some may think you would be crazy to be in one via facebook. But I would tell that experience different than crazy with RO... A platonic relationship is also beneficial in that a friend of the opposite sex will share interests that friends of the same sex may not. It might also be easier for a man to share his feelings with a platonic female friend than a male friend.

But I will share that....... there are two common risks in a platonic relationship. First, it is possible that one friend could develop romantic feelings toward his platonic friend. In this case, it is important that both friends are honest with one another to avoid future discomfort. The second risk is that a romantic partner will be jealous of the platonic friendship. The romantic partner may not understand the nature of the platonic friendship and the jealousy could ruin the romantic relationship.

Mista's 13 cents: Don't be afraid of "Platonic love" it is a chaste and strong type of love that is non-sexual. The most correct use of love of other human beings is to direct one's mind to love of divinity. In short, with genuine platonic love, the beautiful or lovely other person inspires the mind and the soul and directs one's attention to spiritual things.

Hmph!! Keeping a friendship platonic can be tough. I've shared some common risk.... So I'm sure... RO will share her opinion on .... some tips to maintain a platonic friendship...

(clearing my throat....ok...)

Ro has a platonic best friend of over 20 years. He is the craziest, most straight forward friend a girl could have. He's seen me at my worst AND at my best...and his love has NEVER wavered. Why? Because we are ourselves and no one else. 


Im not gonna sit here and say we've never thought of crossing the line.  That would be a lie. At the beginning of our friendship we considered a "relationship"....but, after a few days of trying, decided we would be better as "just friends" lol... and....we've never crossed that line again. We made a conscious decision to always be honest, (good, bad or other) and to always, always, communicate. Do we always see things the same? Hell no!! kmsl ...We voice our opinions...cuss, fuss, discuss...then get mad and/or get over it.

People question our relationship all the time. smh....They swear he's getting the cookies and we have a secret love affair...but the bottom line is....we love and respect each other as friends...nothing more.  (Sidenote: Mista and I share that same love...just on a different level....but that's ANOTHER blog) 


What Mista failed to mention in his spill was....most people use the term "platonic" love/friendship as a false pretense to hopefully a "blooming relationship".... In simpler terms...they say they just wanna be friends knowing darn well they wanna cut (hit it, get some...whatever u wanna call it). They think that once they get in, they have the perfect opportunity for a relationship. Sometimes...it works...other times, it backfires.

So....Say what you mean and mean what you say. 

Platonic love/friendship can be refreshing and resourceful when it's exercised as it's meant to be.  I know that bc I have platonic relationships....(Chico, Mista...) They keep me Acting Like a Lady and Thinking Like a Man.....they keep me honest...they call me out when Im wrong...but most importantly, they respect our friendship.

It doesn't have to be confusing...people make it that way. As long as you are true to urself AND ur friendship, it'll be drama free.

I don't know how Mista comes up with his number of cents so I can't give a number....I'll just say, that's Ro's couple of bits!!! :)

Time vs. Values: Should Changing Times Matter?

This morning on my way to work I thought back to the times money was short and times were hard.... Parents busted their butts to put food on the table and still managed to raise respectful, hardworking kids....kids with values. There was no such thing as child abuse...if you acted up in any way...(with ur parents, neighbors, or ANY elder for that case) u got a beatdown....PERIOD... Mates respected their spouses--and if they were stepping out, u never knew...

But gone are those days... (for most)...and I have to ask...Why? Why is this generation known as the dying breed....the generation of disrespect and cowardliness.... Why do the kids not wanna work or even know the value of their own word? Why is it "normal" to have a piece on the side? Because of  the changing times?  I mean seriously....Is that REALLY a valid reason?

Yes, Mothers and Fathers are younger.....Yes, there's the Internet and cell phones....Yes, there's MTV and BET... but these things don't live in the home.  Here I am almost 39 years old and I still refrain from "being an adult" in front of my parents.  I still say, yes ma'am and yes sir to my elders. I still respect children being present in the room. I still know that whatever I do, someone is watching....

I'm just saying...and while Im on the "watching" kick...since when is it ok to have someone on the side? Last time I checked, vows were meant NOT to be broken. Stepping out is not only blatant disrespect for urself and ur spouse, but it's also a set up for broken relationships with ur children.  Yeah...them too. Children see things...more than we give them credit to understand...and in turn, they become cheating spouses as well. It's a domino effect.

At what point do you allow changing times to interfere with values? I mean, I know children carry guns and parents don't allow other parents to spank their children, but, how does that affect YOUR home? Or does it? I can't speak for anyone else... but my girls are being taught the same values as I was. Marriage is sacred...good or bad, it's what you signed for. Either make it work or leave...and when or if  u do leave, make sure u don't have regrets. Once you leave things will never be the same. You WILL respect ur elders, you WILL carry urself as a child, you WILL answer yes ma'am and no sir, you WILL not talk back....and if you DO ANY of those things, you WILL get a beatdown.

I think...in the world we live in today...there's no exception for changing times...bc change is inevitable.  But when it comes to values...that is something that remains with you always...and should be passed down for generations to come. My children will NOT be known as children that make up the dying breed...they will be the EXAMPLE to that crowd. lol Call me old fashioned (Kanye shrug)....I'll take that charge.

Mista's 13.... Does Changing Times Matter?

In fact, it almost baffles me how we can say we want something... So Bad. We want this  house.... We want to be successful. We want this new car, recognition, marriage and we want this type of income , yet damn near barely ANYONE.... LIVES THEIR LIFE LIKE THEY ACTUALLY MEAN IT. We all walk around acting as if we've got freaking FOREVER to live our lives.

We get easily upset with our love ones, but yet we never take the time to figure out why? because we act like we've got forever to live. We bumble through our jobs not really knowing what our purpose is and just getting complacent more and more each day because we act like we've got forever to live. We half ass our way through challenges, we avoid pain and we seek pleasure because we act like we've got forever to live.

Well... I want to introduce an idea to you today on TIME vs VALUES ...... and ask you to take it very seriously. The real reason Me & Mista's Jones blog was started.... is because we're not here to show people how to govern their life. In fact, We could care less about that. We want your life to succeed INCREDIBLY and create your DREAMS in life for you and your family... but showing people how to govern their life is not our purpose in life. We're here to help you remember just how powerful you are and motivate you to really QUESTION what your specific purpose is here in life.

Does "Time vs. Values: Should Changing Times Matter?" I say this,  We've got ONE CHANCE. You do not get to repeat today. It's done. And you will not get to repeat tomorrow. That's done to. So, why not live this life with our full BEING. Why not live this life with as much love, as much care, as much passion, and COMPASSION as we possible can ? Why not discover what our purpose is while.... we are on this planet?

Innocent and Nonpretentious

She delights in the little things without studying to be sophisticated and controlled. She's simply who she is with no apologies. Refreshingly honest and transparent. She hasn't learned the art of masking her feelings yet, lol or may be she's not good at it, so no guessing games are played. She's not ashamed of her tears and can giggle with amusement at the silliest things. She's unreserved with her affections.

Forgiving. Believing all things. Forever hopeful. Playful. She feels so rich with the simplest pleasures. Easily pleased. Uncomplicated. Amusing, enchanting, magical, experimental, curious.... open to the endless possibilities of life. She dares to dream lofty dreams, never quenching them. And when she gives herself to a hug, she revels in it. And to think .... this was from meeting her once.

A woman should keep a healthy portion of these attributes in her life and allow them to flavor the essence of who she is. Why? Because inside every Mista ... there's a KING and a Kid in every man.... who still likes to play. To tease, to poke, to be mischievous, all while sharing ice cream. Who still enjoys a good wrestling match, whether physical or mental in a blog.... BOY meets Girl... that's where the greatest romances have always begun.

Thinking what.... ME of the blog thinks, RO's opinion "where romance starts"?....

Ro is a hopeless romantic. I believe romance starts with the heart and ends in the soul.  Romance is spontaneous and fun...it's NOT work.(except in the sheets...kmsl...and even then it's not really work but a pleasure)....Romance requires no thought bc if it's real, the thought process flows as smooth as a rub on a man's freshly shaved head...

Such a rush I get from being romanced....from being romantic...it's easy to get caught up in the moment...and not just a moment of pure ecstasy...but the adrenaline I feel knowing that I have TOTAL control of that person's mind.

Romance does not "just happen." And...It's not just physical...It can be mental. As your mate he or she should be respectful....respectful to your mind (allowing you to voice ur thoughts and opinions)...respectful to your body (even though they have made claims it is theirs, there is a time where it is YOURS and yours alone)...and respectful to your person (he believes in you...supports you...communicates with you..worships with you and loves you AS IS).

Once these things come into play...Romance A.P.P.E.A.R.S. (A Prayer of a Person Especially After Resentment Subsides) and remains....the simple things become delights bc even the thought of that person you begin to feel things you never felt before.

....so yea...that's Ro's opinion of Romance...