A Father's Blessing...

A mother's love can never be matched, but a father's importance should never be underestimated. Too many people make the mistake of thinking a girl needs her mother more than she needs her father and a boy needs his dad more than he needs his mother. The truth of the matter is that children need both parents equally. One parent can never compensate for the absence of the other.

A father's love is vital to a girl's development. A father's love should be a girl's first experience with love from a man. This special relationship allows a girl to experience unconditional love without ever being expected to perform sexually. She can hug and kiss her father, she can hold his hand, they can laugh and play together, they can even sit together and do absolutely nothing at all. He's there to provide for and protect her, and he always has her back. Ultimately... this is what every grown woman looks for in a man.

Dads who are emotionally or physically disconnected from their sons etch a huge question mark over their sons futures. What their sons are asking themselves is, Am I worthy of love and acceptance? As little boys grow into big boys, they spend the rest of their lives trying to answer that question. Ask a bunch of guys about their relationships with their dads, and they will either sprout a smile, be moved to tears, or display anger or indifference. The fact is that legacies of abandonment, disapproval, divorce, or anger rob boys of the "father blessing" and predispose them to self-destructive tendencies as grown men.

Make today... the day we establish new habits of guarding our generational responsibility and fight every day for every young man and woman.. When the fathers admonished their sons to be a man about it... they are encouraging them to rise up to a standard of manhood they already understood and when they are there for their daughters... they come to know womanhood unconditionally with conditions of true oneness. "A Father's Blessing".... wanted us to fulfill our full potential, to rise above..... our natural tendencies to take the easy way out.

   "A FATHER'S BLESSING... hmmm.. let's get the ME.... opinion of the blog... RO 

(thinking and clearing my throat)....Well Mista....I guess this is another agree to disagree...lol 


Most of my "childhood" was spent with both parents in the home.  My Dad was the breadwinner and my Mom maintained and reared us as she saw fit.  Yes...my Dad instilled some things in my life...but ultimately, it was my Mom who made me the woman I am today.

Do I agree with the fact that a father's love is vital to a girl's development? No. Do I agree that every woman looks for her father in a man? Absolutely not.  That point of view is what rings in the ears of people based on psychology, books and TV....but in REAL LIFE....A girl patterns herself by the acts of her MOTHER...the choices or lack of, the respect or lack of, the discipline etc. Does that mean essentially she will be "just like her Mother"? No...but the foundation is set.

My Dad's presence in my life was discipline, communication and hard knocks.  I respected him, I communicated with him and I learned the hard way with alot of things--he was the force that didn't hold my hand when I fell ( I got back up)...he was the force that said, "I'm only gonna tell you once" (and Imma beat that tail)...and yes, he was my protector.

Now...on the other hand....he helped raise my uncles.  They looked up to him.  They learned how to respect women...they learned how to work hard...and they learned doing nothing gets you nowhere. I FEEL that REAL MEN raise REAL MEN....but again, that's just my opinion.

I know individuals that have both parents and still aren't worth the lint in their pockets...lol...IJS. The blessing comes when the PARENT  OR PARENTS (bc it can be either) accepts the hand God has given them and allows HIM to guide and protect their legacy.  OUR FATHER....is the TRUE blessing.

...and that's Ro's response. lol

When Generic Isn't Covered....

Divorce used to be rare....Couples would tough it out....talk it out...make the best of bad situation. There were more than 2.5 kids...the cubbard was never bare...and kids were taught morals.  Those were the days that a "village" raised the kids...the kids were respectful to elders and each other...no internet, no cell phones...just a boom box and a tv that mostly collected dust.
But times are different.  Being in a relationship suddenly became work.  Single mothers and fathers are heads of the household. The children raise themselves. Not based on true role models, but random stars on tv that they "think" are worthy of duplication. 
No longer is it easy to find a man that recognizes that he is the head of the household..God fearing... makes the decisions...pays the bills...and is respectful to his mate. No longer is it easy to find a woman that supports her man....knows God and the power of prayer....takes care of household chores...and raises her children to depend on themselves and not something or someone....
So...we settle for generic. Knowing.....that particular person IS NOT for us.  We know that all the warning signs are there.  Still, we move forward. He's cute (but lazy)....She's fine (but nasty)....drives a nice car (but doesn't pay their bills).....that's ok....we can work through that.....
Well...Um....let me tell you my response to that.........HELL TO THE NO!
GENERICS AREN'T COVERED. When it comes to ur life, ur kids lives, ur destiny should not be compromised bc ur tired of waiting.  Don't you know GOD IS FAITHFUL? Don't you know that God is THE NAME BRAND of all times? Do u trust Him?
The next time u try and lower ur standards bc ur tired, remember that Generics aren't covered. Have more respect not only for self, but for ur destiny.
I rambled Mista....sorry....ur turn.


Hmmmm.. So RO, thinks "generics aren't covered" is that always or usually? ... It's very hard for us mere mortals to adequately understand the word, always. In today's culture we don't adequately understand this kind of commitment. When we say always, don't we usually mean sometimes.... or most of the time? But always really means eternal and everlasting......... Can anyone commit to always?..... ijs ..... Mista, soooo want his wife to be and children to honor him with the kind of love that..... always protects.... always trusts.... always hopes..... always perseveres... that kind of commitment allows .... Mista to be a man who is known for his word... "when Mista says something, you can take it to the bank."..........

Mista 13 cents advise, "Just do what you say you are going to do." Then as we become older and look back over life's journey, may be then we'll know that kind of love....... and what it encompasses.... is indeed the true values of life..... that with God's help, our mates and family... will know.... that you will always... love them.

Friendship Survive an ending Relationship?

It's amazing how people group friendships and relationships in the same category.  The title comes the day the two of you make it "official". But, is it a TRUE title? Ive always been told that a friendship should accompany every relationship--and in order for a relationship to work, you have to be friends first.  In some cases, it was true...in some cases not.  Ive been on both sides.

My husband of 11 years and I started as friends. We could talk about anything....he didn't hold my past against me...and I didn't hold his against him.  We agreed that no matter what, we would always be friends. And for a long time, we were.  We had an ongoing way of communicating the difference by saying "...ok...I have a friend question..." friend meaning whatever I say right now, Im saying it to you as ur friend and not ur mate...so I need u to answer this objectively. Sounds crazy I know...but it worked.  As time went on though, we were no longer able to separate the two...friend questions became duck season...and we...were sitting ducks. Our friendship went out the window....and of course, so did the marriage.

On the other hand...There was Mista.  Essentially we started as friends. There was nothing the two of us didn't talk about.  If we got mad, we got over it....or...we just agreed to disagree. When we ventured over to the relationship stage...it was funny bc it felt more like an extended friendship. The only thing that changed was "the title." Over time, we experienced some things (things that won't be discussed in today's blog)...things that eventually ended our relationship. But the friendship didn't end! We still talk...we still laugh...and we still respect each other. I think the difference with us was, we didn't just SAY we were friends, we actually WERE (and still are) friends.

What people don't realize is...a true friend loves you unconditionally. They can call you trifling and low down in one breath, and ask you what's for dinner in the next.  They don't hold grudges...they don't judge...they just love YOU. Flaws and all.

In order for any friendship to survive a relationship, u can't just hold the friend title...you have to display and carry out ALL the friend duties. If you can't do that....that person IS NOT ur friend. Im not saying that all relationships start as friends....but what I am saying is, just because ur in a relationship with someone doesn't make them ur friend. Should they be? Absolutely. (from my point of view anyway)....Like I always say..."if your not true to YOU...u can't be true to anyone else." that includes ur friend. IJS.....



Mista's 13 cents...

I've learned that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no ...time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

Not everything requires a "definition" or a road map to where it's going. Some things or experiences with other humans simply cannot be "defined" or "put into words". Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back. Besides, things happen and progress naturally–in God's divine timing. And, if the relational friendship don't turn out the way you planned or hoped, does that make the experience less beautiful..?


JUST BECAUSE IT DIDN'T SURVIVE DOES NOT MEAN WE'RE NOT GOOD PEOPLE!!ijs... somethings just makes sense.

Are you my "Friend"?

Ever since you were little, the word "friend" has been in your vocabulary.  Whether it was an imaginary friend or one you met on the first day of school....a friend has always been in ur life. The word friend is used interchangeably with the word associate--although the two are nothing alike.  And because of this, we often find ourselves hurt or confused bc our friend has done or said the unthinkable.

I personally only have a handful of friends.  These friends love me despite all my moods, past mistakes, bossiness etc. They have no problem telling me Im wrong....they have no problem supporting me when Im right...and most of all, my secrets remain secrets even when they get mad.  That is the definition of a friend.

Associates come a dime a dozen.  They can be replaced. They give true meaning to the term "ass"....if you ever find urself in a bind...trust that ur associate will leave you "ass out"...while trying to convince you it was for the best.  An associate will talk behind ur back... sabotage ur situation....and cannot be trusted with personal things.  What's funny about an associate is, they get offended when u refer to them as they really are...they wanna know why they don't fall in the friend category....lol smh...seriously?

Everyone who you may call YOUR friend may not call you THEIR friend.  So...if that ever happens...believe it...accept it...bc people will always show you who they are.  Don't wait until the shit hits the fan to realize they were right. Remember...they warned u...u just didn't listen.

Im the most naive person when it comes to second chances. I see the best in people even at their worst. I believe everyone can change....and I believe not everyone has bad intentions. Having that attitude, Ive had to patch my heart in a thousand places....but it's ok. Each experience made me into the person I am today.  I know how to separate sugar from shit....I know how to love you from a distance....I know when someone has my back FOR REAL...  And, when that occurs, I turn on my B@#$% switch...just to let u know uve been exposed...lol

So the next time you call someone ur friend and they're not...think twice...call them as they are...the title they've earned....not to be confused with the true meaning...."Are you my friend?" 


It's kind of like .... Clint Eastwood when he uttered his famous line, "Go ahead... Make my day" .. That's what a special friendship will do when in your presence... something like MAKE MY JOY COMPLETE by getting along with each other.... NO bickering or backbiting... just joy by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

Friendship is the launching pad for every love. It spills into the other important relationships of life. It's the beginning of all levels of intimacy.... with our mate, with our parents, with our children.... with everyone we encounter. Few of us are privileged to be able to sit down and share our innermost thoughts with someone.

SO.. your are thinking... Mista 13, how do I develop friends? Try the basic principle... weap what you sow .... meaning, make friendship a top priority.... be willing to take a risk and be transparent.... talk about your care for each other and mostly ... give your friends room to be themselves.. And uh!! stop being in relationship with people.... you would'nt be friend, if you were not attracted to them... ijs some things just makes sense. "I don't like you, but lets sex each other".. Smh who does that.. hmph!! "are you my friend"

Do you REALLY TRUST your mate?

Ok... I don't know how many ways to say this, but...if you can't communicate with or don't trust ur mate, u reallllly don't need to be with them.  You all are in a committed relationship...you all made the decision to become a couple...so why can't you just ask???  Yeah, they may lie...but as with everything, "what goes on in the dark, eventually comes to light.".... So...ask...let'em lie...sooner or later, the door will not only unlock, but you'll have the key. Stop playing private investigator..stop tryna fit the pieces in the wrong puzzle! Ask! lol ....so what he's been out with the fellas and u see and extra meal on his receipt...or fellas....so what she's been out with the girls and she's "too tired" to have sex....ask wtf is going on.....lol smh  And stop laughing and denying it....cause you know u've done it...lol..We all are creatures of nature...admit it or not.

I wanna ask you...do you stop for a second and think...."Do I REALLY wanna know the answer?"  Betta yet... do you think about how you will respond if your intuition is true? Probably not.  I'll take a guess and say that about 40 percent of ur suspicions are truly "explainable"...the other 60...yeah...it's probably not. Are you ready to confront ur mate about what he/she is doing?  And...when u do...are you willing to explain instances, he/she will bring up about YOU since "we're just putting things out there"? Chances are....NOPE. Don't think it'll be a one sided battle...all dogs attack when cornered...u know that.

The absence of trust in any relationship is fatal. It blocks out any form of communication and brings in deceit.... I don't know about you, but, I couldn't sleep every night next to someone I didn't trust. I couldn't even RESPECT someone I didn't trust. That's just me though. Im not telling you to settle...Im not asking u to be naive...all Im asking is, be open to ur mate. Let them know ur suspicions.  If he/she truly cares about u, they will either do whatever is in their power to to fix it, (so u don't think that again) or come clean by admitting it and try to work it out. TrUSt is plural...it takes two...US...


Mista's 13: Let's get down to the real issue here.... Love knows about the Depreciation Room(not trusting) and does not live in denial that it exists. But love chooses not to live there. YOU MUST decide to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage.

Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.

It's time to start thinking differently. It's time to let love lead your thoughts and focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your mate. And the only reason you should ever stop to visit the room is to write all over the wall.... Coverd In Love. Repeat after Mista... say, Hey love.... it's time to move into the APPRECIATION ROOM, to settle down and make it home.

Asking all dem questions...

Part I:  The Cause...

......the girl be: "Where? Who? You've been where? Wit who? Uh huh.... for real? Oh really, that's how you feel?" And the Guy be like: "Askin' all them questions. Askin' all them questions why you askin' all them questions makin' statements. Assumin'? Askin' all them questions. Askin' all them questions why you askin' all them questions makin' statements. Assumin'?" kmsl

You know the drill.  And it's just like he said. You start with the Cupcake phase...it's new...u bend over backwards...compromise...they're ur boo. Time passes....you become comfortable...and then all HELL hits the fan.  The two seconds ur mate normally takes to respond becomes two minutes....the straight home after work becomes, I gotta make a stop first...u know....


My question to you is, how did you get there? I mean, how often before getting into a relationship, do you ask urself:  1. Do I really have the time to invest into this relationship? (If you're working two jobs, a single parent, volunteering and barely getting 4 hours of sleep--it's clear, you DO NOT have time to invest into a relationship.  Take care of home and try again later...) 2.  Do I really WANT to be in a relationship? ( I mean do you REALLY want a mate??? Or...or you in lust with the thought of having someone...) 3.  Am I willing to communicate whatever is going on in my life so this relationship can work? (Secrets don't exist in successful relationships.  IF you have a person that is sincere, they will want to help in any way possible--but they can't read minds.  You have to be comfortable discussing and sometimes accepting help) And finally 4. Am I READY for a relationship? (Rebound relationships are a waste of time. Give yourself time to heal...time to discard the garbage and prepare urself for something new. No one likes to be compared to the last person...so save them some time as well as yourself. )

In my opinion, asking those questions, PRIOR to the relationship will not only cut down on the bs but eliminate "asking all dem questions". Relationships are about communicating not accusations. IJS...

Coming Soon....Part II: The Solution by Mista

(stay tuned)

                               <> Mista's 13 cents... the solution to "asking all dem questions".

 Smh .. Question? Do you wish your mate would quit doing the things that bother you? o_O ...Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them.... I mean will you be thoughtful enough to discover and avoid the behavior that cause life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful? So often we think that we can change another.... but truth be told we can only change ourselves .... and when you do, by default you force others to change because of the simple difference ... that we're no longer the same person <> not the same person ... not treated the same !! Change will happen ... biblically there's many insights given.

Besides, remember.... bad relationships are usually the result of bad decisions making. Think about this... women have all the power, but they're the ones who are expected to submit. Hmmm, now there's a concept. Uh..oh, there's that word submit ..... <> I hear you saying, "I'm not submitting to no man. He needs to be serving me!! Well, if you're with a man you feel you can't submit to .... then you're with the wrong man. 

A man must lead and know the role God has appointed to him. It's called checks and balances. It's what keeps women from taking advantage and keeps them from being taken advantage of. Imagine the problems we'd have if men were the leaders and possessed all the power. I think you get the point.. ijs Why reinvent the wheel? If your realationship isn't working, and asking all dem questions are not getting answered ... it's a sign you're probably not using your powers correctly. As the saying goes,"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Consulting Girlfriends

Why some women choose to take the advice of their girlfriends over what their man is telling them, I will never know. Always analyze the source before you take it as truth.

"Remember, your girlfriends will be the first ones to talk you out of a good relationship. What works for you and your man doesn't have to be validated by your girlfriends. Besides, you can't always trust some of your girlfriends... they're to busy trying to get your man behind your back or still bitter from their ex."

Don't be that woman sabotaging their relationship as soon as they meet a man and focusing too much on being a girlfriend or a wife instead of starting out by simply enjoying the friendship. A wise woman knows to stay out of her girlfriend's personal and keeps her girlfriends out of hers. Understanding that communication is one of the most important skills to have yields a great relationship with a man.

Besides, only a man can have the knowledge to critique what works for him and what does't. If you want to date a woman, consult your girlfriends.... but if a man is who you want, then listen up. Learn to communicate with him... I promise you this truth. There is no magic potion that will make your man act right, but once you change yourself, if he wants to keep you, a man has no choice but to change himself..

Girl...he's no good...he doesn't have enough money....he's a player...I saw him with someone else last week....hmph...sound familiar? How many times has urgirlfriend had something negative to say about "ur man"? All the time right? 

Now....ask urself, is ur friend dating or alone? Nine times out of ten, that answer is alone. 

Why are u asking someone that's alone??? If they had the answers, do you really think they'd have time to counsel you? Cmon girl....get real. 

Misery loves company. Not everyone who says they are happy for you, really are.

Hmm....I agree and disagree Mista. --For those of you who don't know...Ro has taken the floor :)

Not all women are "broken." By broken I mean, not all women get into their friends space when it comes to relationships.  Yes, there are the few that have been burned and remain bitter...but for the most part, a "true" girlfriend sees things for as they are and puts it out there.  Those that don't, shouldn't fall in the category of a "girlfriend" ...they are what you call a "hater." A hater is someone who claims to be ur friend but degrades you behind ur back.

Speaking for myself, Ive played devil's advocate....Ive called dudes out for what they really were...BUT in the same breath, I allowed my friend to make that decision to "act a damn fool" or communicate with their mate about what really happened.  There is always 3 sides to every story...ur side, his side and the truth.  Sometimes they all match...and sometimes, well...no one "mans up."

Men use the line, "men know men" and "women know women" ....and that is true on some occasions. Still, on the flip side, there are women that know men and men that know women....it happens.

Opinions are cool....but at the end of the day.....you gotta be true to YOU....no one can live ur life or make decisions for YOU but YOU. Im just saying..... 

There's my 3 cents on the matter. lol Im such a "blog bully" kmsl

Criteria in a Potential Mate....

Everybody has standards.  If they told you they don't, they are CLEARLY lying.  (That or they're settling) Sometimes the man's standards differ from the female's...and that's cool. As long as the standards together "make sense" and the two agree...It's all good. Let's get this blog rollin....

Mista's Top 6: 

Interest: One important criteria that defines a potential mate is how interested they are in your life. SHARE something significant that is going on in your life and see if they call to follow up and find out what happened. If they don't mention it on their own.......give them a hint...it's then you will find out if they were really listening.

LOYALTY: Tell them a secret about a mutual friend and see if it gets back to them. A true potential good mate know the value of trust in a relationship. Tend to shake the story up so it won't make sense when it gets back to the other person.

PRIDE: Anyone can tell you to cheer up. It makes them feel good. But if you want to see if they're supportive of you, mention something you're proud of and see if they give you a pat on the back. If they're not driven by jealousy and envy they'll do just that. A true potential good mate is proud of my accomplishments, not jealous of my successes.

Honesty: A true potential good mate is someone who tells you the things that you don't want to hear. They are willing to have you be upset with them if it will help you.... they tell you things that are for your benefit even though they know that it might make you upset with them.

RESPECT: I'll tell her that there is something exciting.... something that is good.... going on in my life but I absolutely prefer not to talk about it right now and see if she presses me on it. There's a difference between curiosity and concern. If she must know, then she's just interested in the gossip and not in me. A good woman will respect my wishes and give me my space... for now. She may bring it up from time to time, because she's interested, but she won't constantly and immediately press me on it if I make it clear that I choose not to discuss it now.

Sacrifice: I want to know is she willing to give up something if it means making me happy. Will she sacrifice her own pleasure for my happiness.. is the word compromise in her vocabulary.. and when the chips are down and its me against her..most people scramble to protect their own interests. Notice if she is the one who has ideas or a plan to help both of you to escape unscathed or whether she just looks to save herself and protect her own interest.

ME's Top 8:

Of course I will have some that will overlap Mista...but for the most part, mine is quite simple.


1. God Fearing: If a man is TRULY a God Fearing man, most of the things, if not all the things Mista listed will come naturally.  He will love God, his family and himself.  There is nothing this man will not do to make this relationship work.


2.  A Communicator: Any mate of mine will not only have to communicate his feelings to me, but EXPECT me to do the same.  No relationship can last without communication. It is the base of loyalty, trust and commitment. 


3. Love for Not only me, but my girls: I am a single parent. No...ur not dating my kids...but ur presence in my life will not only affect me, but them as well.  Im a true believer in the term "package deal." A bad relationship with my kids will send you packing....


4. Respect: Respect me for who I am and what we are to each other.  Change is inevitable...some things will change...some things won't....so don't come into a relationship with me tryna change me. I was who I was when u met me. Accept me or keep it moving.


5.  Honesty: Don't ask me anything you don't want an honest answer to-- and I won't either.  If you have to lie; I don't need u.... 


6. Trust and Commitment: Yes. I put the two together.  They go hand in hand.  Trust my words and actions and u will know Im committed to u and the relationship. Don't go looking for things-- it can very easily be misconstrued....or better yet, ask me.  It may not be what u wanna hear but u did ask. (Refer back to #5)


7.  Financially Sound: Everyone likes to have nice things.  That's cool. But bills come first. You have to be able to manage money...and u have to realize, home comes first.  No exceptions. 


Finally, number 8.


8.  Sexual Compatibility: Call me shallow....a nympho....whatever. I'm just being real. If we are NOT compatible in bed, it won't work. No, sex won't always be what it was (in time) but as for now...we need to match.  No use in frontin. kmsl

8 out of 14 ranks a good mate.  How does ur mate rank?

Friends with Benefits

I was sitting here thinking about how we would come back after our hiatus.  It's been complicated...but despite it all, we're still friends.  Mista and I both have big hearts...we don't mind falling...and if we fail...well, we just try again.  After all, if life was perfect, we'd have no purpose. Ijs.....

Ok..back to blogging...it's sooooo easy to get off track.

Imma start off by asking....is there really a such thing as Friends with Benefits? I mean, think about it...is it really smart to "cross the line" with a friend? Would you wanna give up the goodies to someone who only regards u as a "friend"? Me personally, I think the term is cop out bc basically what ur doing is either establishing or testing a relationship with someone you already know. U leave the term friend in it so if it doesn't work, u can say well, "I think we're better as friends." It's bullsh%&!

Anyone who has more than one night of endless sex with someone is going to have feelings of some sort. (unless ur just a total a$$ with no heart--and even then u just don't admit it) So.....the more u have sex....the more feelings surface. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, feelings WILL occur.  How could that ever really become a benefit?

Society has taken friendship and put it in the wrong mold.  It's almost like... making jello and pouring it into a cement mold. It doesn't fit. Yes, the substance is there, but it will never fill or conform true to its existence. Friends are people who are there through it all.  They know ur faults, ur likes, ur dislikes...and no matter how far u stray, they remain by ur side. A friend can see u totally nude and not even think about it...except maybe to say, umm...did u use lotion today? lol Benefits....a benefit is a reward for an act. U are rewarded for something u did, said etc. My thing is this, if I do something for a friend, I do it because that's my friend....not for a reward. and...even better....I benefit from the things I learn through my friend...we learn together. It's part of the friendship...not a separate "benefit package"...this isn't a job! kmsl
Sooo....Stop it already with the Friends with Benefits term. Keep it simple....let it remain how it is...Cutty Buddy...OPP...side piece...whatever the case may be. Leave that term for Hollywood, because "in real life" it's nothing but comedy.

(stepping off my soap box).....Mista...ur up.

Mista With Benefits you say.... kmsl, RO ain't having none of that talk..... lady's this is a concept some women have an extremely hard time comprehending from a man's perspective, but I'm going to make a strong attempt to bring some clarity to it. I hate to sound repetitive, but men are simple creatures. We operate more by instinct than women do.... yes, almost like a common animal, if that helps you to understand. As much as I hate to say it, we're almost like a puppies. Smh .. > I did not say Dog that's so cliche... For example, if you feed a puppy, play ball with him, rub his belly, pat him on the head, talk lovingly to him, and show him the smallest degree of love, he will be your buddy for life. You can open the gate and he'll stay without ever running away because he appreciates your goodness. In a nut shell, out goes the term "friends with benefits" .... you see any highly affected seducer knows that no man can ever be sexually with one woman and just be the "friend with benefits".... just like the little puppies we'll want to guard and stay.... other then that the puppy needs to become a dog.... sleeping with more than one woman... smh, at that point it would truly not be a benefit.... can you say.... a "epidemic".... In Mister's opinion friends with benefits is what one or the other with in the friendship is saying that .... hey you're not what I'm looking for, but you'll do until the ONE comes over the hill..ijs who wants to be the go between rebound brotha/sista.. a playmate not a soulmate. Don't play yourself. Do the right thing, and save yourself the headaches and the heartaches.... better alone than poorly accompanied. If you're going to work to afford yourself the finer things in life, put forth the work to attain a man who reflects your standards. Coworkers, girlfriends, and platonic guy friends are a nice complement for the woman afraid, but none of them can replace the joy of a fruitful relationship with your own Mister...

Prayed Together

This blog here is a little different... its been on my mind for a couple of days on how to share.... not only that...... but I'm blogging from my phone...so this is a little brand new... So bare with me.... hmmmm, so lets talk about praying together... well let see .... I tell you what.... let me try sharing with my own story on praying together. Now with understanding of the importants of the spiritual connection this tends to be one of the first things, I want to know about a potential mate...... is there faith. 

Dating one young ladii ... I asked her if she would have problems praying with me or doing biblical topic conversations on verses... she said sure she would be okay with it .... surprisingly it went good for about two weeks...... one time a week and then...... excuse and issues kept coming up why she could not.. <<smiling>>>  now... I'm not saying do this with everyone you date.... but if you're thinking beyond ... it makes sense if you are serious about your faith. I dated another young ladii and she agreed.. but on the first biblical topic it came out that she didn't believe that Jesus was the only way to heaven.. "unevenly yoke"...

WoW...now.... I'm thinking ..... I'm not having to much success with trying to connect on a deeper level.... smh... but had a converstaion one night with RO <<<smiling>>  remembering late night on the phone... RO had gotten sleepy and she says to me ... "come on and lets pray"... she wanted me to spiritually lead the prayer.... <<smiling>> the day RO and I "Prayed Together"... secured the loyal friendship of mines for life... no matter what we become as potential mates, she will always be a woman I RESPECT.

The prayer life of togetherness is important.... it gives protection and brings potential relationships and marriages into the right light because prayer purifies and refocuses your attention back to God and His will for your life. Prayer breaks down resistance and expose the heart. It is the place where man and woman become spiritually naked and unashamed again... bringing joy and a sense of divine peace.

<<smiling>> I'm sure RO has a reason why she wanted to pray together that night...

Now Now Mister ... Everything I do or say has reason...

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I can fall asleep faster than a frog can catch a fly...kmsl...I have been that way for as long as I remember--and my kids are the same way. Sleep is sometimes few and far between in the life of a single Mom so I cherish every moment (smile)

Everything I do or say has reason.  It could be minor or major...but trust me when I say, it always matters. After being in a marriage for 11 years unevenly yoked, I learned that prayer is the root of all relationships...and without it, the family cannot survive. In dating, people sometimes overlook things like religion or pet peeves only to find when they say "I do", it becomes a MAJOR issue. (l learned that the hard way)

My strategy to find out if a man knows and loves God is by asking him to pray.  Whether it's blessing our food or praying for strength throughout the day or simply a good night prayer....if he resists...he's NOT for me. I acknowledge God in all that I do. Doesn't make me better than anyone else....doesn't mean Im the perfect Christian...it just means I know that ALL things are possible through GOD, not man.

Needless to say, Mista passed.  He paused when I asked...but seconds later, heads were bowed and the Spirit of God was upon us at that very moment--drawing our hundreds of miles apart into ONE mind. Isn't God good? If we always looked to God and allowed HIM to lead us in our relationships/marriages, don't you know how many divorces/breakups WOULDN'T happen???

So YES, Mista.... I agree...Prayer in any relationship takes away the stubbornness of self and replaces it with grace. And if that relationship doesn't survive...I'm more than certain, a friendship WILL remain...








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The Search for the "Perfect Mate"

This morning I realized it's been almost a year since Ive moved back home.  It's crazy how time passes so quickly-- adjustments become rituals....or habits...and you have no clue how things will end. But you pray, weed out the bs, and move forward.

There are times I feel if I erased all the bad points in my life, I'd be better off...then I remember those mistakes make me the person I am today. If you asked me a year ago where I wanted to be in life, I'd probably say, I have no clue. Yea, everyone wants to be debt free and enjoying life "as is", still.....do u realize how many people truly are debt free and still remain unhappy? All the material things of the world cannot buy happiness...peace of mind...and most of all, it can't make YOU..... When I say you, I mean YOU minus the cosmetic makeup of the society, YOU minus the front you put on for people who could care less, YOU loving you despite the "what ifs" and "could haves".

I said all that to bring you to this. In my search for self...the TRUE self...the self that somehow disappeared in the course of 12 years...I realized, there is no such thing as "the perfect mate." I know some of u are going, yes it is....you just haven't found it. But NO, there's not.  Think about it. You have ur views on life...ur mate has theirs...and, if ur lucky... most of ur views overlap. This makes that mate "compatible" to you. This makes that person your "ideal" mate. He/she may be "perfect for you" but not perfect for someone else.  Many relationships fail because we have all these expectations--based on friends, family, books you've read, movies you've watched.... and most these expectations are unrealistic.

So what's next? You say the hell with ur mate....u say I don't need this bs...I can find better...I can do better.  And...in very small instances, you can! (kmsl) But the true reality is, nobody is perfect. We all have faults. It's when those faults aren't dealt with (in the dating stage) that they become a death wish to ur relationship. Ever heard the statement, "any relationship is work"? Yeah....well...that statement is the biggest crock I have EVER heard.  TRUE relationships....and by TRUE  I mean relationships based on communication, trust and loyalty....they don't require work, it just happens! Being 100% percent with self AND your mate, makes the relationship work on its own.

Stop searching for the "perfect mate" and allow God to lead. Allow urself to hear what he's saying...stop tryna fix urself for someone else.....Ok...Im done with that...

Your turn Mista. Ur audience of one RoW awaits.


Mista is no longer looking for the perfect love...instead I'm creating it.....
"So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept, then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh, She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man" (Genesis 2:21-23). Wow.. isn't that a powerful verse? You have to remember, there is only one of us. We were carefully fashioned by God to compliment each other.... meaning we complete each other not compete against each other. Alot of people ask me if there is only one man for every woman.  And you know what...My reply is always the same, there are many mates you could settle for, but there is one that God knows is best for you. When He decided to give Adam a mate, he did not place Eve, Mary, and Sue before him and allow him to pick. He designed one especially capable of meeting all of Adam's needs. Understand that meeting all of Adam's needs would have to mean that she was strong where he was weak and he was strong were she was weak..... by this standard they completed each other, but by no means are either of them perfect. If they were they would not have needed each other. So embrace your originality.... the things about you that set you apart from every other person on the face of the earth. Just as there was only one Adam, there is only one me who does things the way I do.... Let's be clear about what I'm trying to share.... God's Will is what He wants you to be.... and when we're in His Will no matter who you choose will be God's best for you. Not the Perfect Mate.. but the Perfect Love.. Unconditional with Conditions "Agape".

MEET THE KIDS

WOW!!! It's been a moment since the last blog...... time goes so fast. But this topic has been on my mind for some time now. Being that I grew up in a single parent household.... this question seems to be always at the front of your thoughts when you're dating as a single parent. And remembering a short story once dating a ladii, I meet the kids about sixth days into the relationship .....she had two great kids ...... thinking back the last time I saw them... the little one said to me "no don't go" and I replied don't worry I'll be back to see you again.. To tell the story short... me and the ladii stop seeing each other and I wasn't able to keep that promise<<just broke my heart>> Now!!...imagine that happening over and over again everytime you date the next .... not good!!! hmmmm.. RoW has two girls herself and I have boys all over my tree. I have been a single parent for six years and out of those years only once a ladii.... I've dated has met my younger boys. Now that hasn't been by design, but it hasn't made any sense also. That if I haven't came to that place with the ladii that we are think beyond the years .... I mean.... why bother? In my opinion dating is a seasonal journey... and at the beginning every ladii seems to be the one.... as I'm sure RoW would share the same about men. But what example would it be..... showing our kids if every woman or man we went on a date with .... or everytime we thought they were the one... smh, the boys would be dizzii...<<smiling>> Now.... I'm sure others would think differently, but I think who you're dating should not Meet the Kids .... until your relationship go through all the seasons..... yes I said it... a full calendar year or until you are engage, which ever one come first. Now.... there is another way, to be introduce as a friend of the family..... but please don't do the whole Uncle Jinx thing..... and have your kids thinking crazy when they catch you showing the cookies to Uncle Jinx... kmsl, but I will give you permission to use MISTER!! anytime. I mean Mister Jones is a household brand... <<smiling>> Hmmmm... I wonder what's on RoW's mind on Meeting the Kids.

Meeting the kids....or in my case the girls.   Any TRUE parent will have reservations about their kids.  Kids are impressionable and innocent.  The last thing they need is to be involved in a situation that may prove to NOT be true.   Lust is just as powerful as love.  You can be in LUST with someone thinking that's ur perfect mate, only to find, they were not the one. 

My standards for meeting the kids, prob surpasses any "normal" standard bc my Mom set the bar so high.  After being married for 23 years to the same man, she felt like NO ONE was EVER good enough to meet us.  Did we know she was dating? Yes. Did we ever meet them? No.  And...we never asked.  It was the unspoken rule.  We learned that respect was not only for adults but for kids.  My Mom respected us enough to not take us through whatever rollercoaster she was experiencing.  She knew that in time she would find the ONE and at that time, we would meet them. 

Yes, times have changed....and so has the definition of "meeting the kids". Is it ok for kids to meet ur friend? Yes.  Is it ok for ur kids to meet ur mate? No. Meeting means, hello...how are you...I am...blah blah blah.... MEETING means.... Teri....Alysha...this is "mate's name"....and immediately following they see more and more of that person on a regular basis.  They will either like them or dislike tthem...and either way, they ARE affected. 

There is NO time frame for the meeting....there is however, a time that you have to analyze when u plan to change the course of children's thoughts of you and their future view on relationships. I take that personal....and I choose carefully.  No one will be labeled as my mate unless Im ABSOLUTELY sure it is for the long run.  But hey...that's a day in the life of Ro....