It's amazing how people group friendships and relationships in the same category. The title comes the day the two of you make it "official". But, is it a TRUE title? Ive always been told that a friendship should accompany every relationship--and in order for a relationship to work, you have to be friends first. In some cases, it was true...in some cases not. Ive been on both sides.
My husband of 11 years and I started as friends. We could talk about anything....he didn't hold my past against me...and I didn't hold his against him. We agreed that no matter what, we would always be friends. And for a long time, we were. We had an ongoing way of communicating the difference by saying "...ok...I have a friend question..." friend meaning whatever I say right now, Im saying it to you as ur friend and not ur mate...so I need u to answer this objectively. Sounds crazy I know...but it worked. As time went on though, we were no longer able to separate the two...friend questions became duck season...and we...were sitting ducks. Our friendship went out the window....and of course, so did the marriage.
On the other hand...There was Mista. Essentially we started as friends. There was nothing the two of us didn't talk about. If we got mad, we got over it....or...we just agreed to disagree. When we ventured over to the relationship stage...it was funny bc it felt more like an extended friendship. The only thing that changed was "the title." Over time, we experienced some things (things that won't be discussed in today's blog)...things that eventually ended our relationship. But the friendship didn't end! We still talk...we still laugh...and we still respect each other. I think the difference with us was, we didn't just SAY we were friends, we actually WERE (and still are) friends.
What people don't realize is...a true friend loves you unconditionally. They can call you trifling and low down in one breath, and ask you what's for dinner in the next. They don't hold grudges...they don't judge...they just love YOU. Flaws and all.
In order for any friendship to survive a relationship, u can't just hold the friend title...you have to display and carry out ALL the friend duties. If you can't do that....that person IS NOT ur friend. Im not saying that all relationships start as friends....but what I am saying is, just because ur in a relationship with someone doesn't make them ur friend. Should they be? Absolutely. (from my point of view anyway)....Like I always say..."if your not true to YOU...u can't be true to anyone else." that includes ur friend. IJS.....
Mista's 13 cents...
I've learned that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no ...time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.
Not everything requires a "definition" or a road map to where it's going. Some things or experiences with other humans simply cannot be "defined" or "put into words". Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back. Besides, things happen and progress naturally–in God's divine timing. And, if the relational friendship don't turn out the way you planned or hoped, does that make the experience less beautiful..?
JUST BECAUSE IT DIDN'T SURVIVE DOES NOT MEAN WE'RE NOT GOOD PEOPLE!!ijs... somethings just makes sense.
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