One of the eternal questions that plague some of us is….what are the rules about dating your friend’s ex? Is there some kind of code that says that once a person has been claimed by a member of your circle there is no way another can ever date them down the road? Is there a time frame from when they dated that makes them totally off limits to you? Let’s say they dated for six months. Does that mean you need to wait around another six until you can do anything? Until they're in another relationship…. and what happens if this is your best friend’s Ex… What are the rules then.......
Here's the scenario: Your friend is dating an amazing person. (And I’m talking about a real friend here, not a friend of a friend, a work friend or someone you see around who goes to all the same events as you.) The whole time your friend was dating this great person, you always made sure to tell your friend how lucky they were to have a partner like that. Every time you hung out with them in a group you guys really got along with each other. They were... so cool. And all you kept thinking was, “Why can’t I meet somebody like that?” And now... they've broken off their relationship...and the Big Question is "Can I Date My Friend's Ex?
I truly believe that people are not possessions. I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care who broke up with whom. If I break up with someone -- and I have broken up and been broken up with a lot -- I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with them and even marrying them. A great relationship, and great chemistry between two people, can be rare to come by.
Have I ever been in this situation? NO…..and personally I hope to never find myself lusting for my bestfriend’s Ex... lol… Let’s think of it like this ...we may not have a choice in our feelings, but, we do when it comes to our actions. So, if you are having feelings and you just got to explore dating your best friend’s ex, here's what Mista would do:
First, you need to confirm your feelings with them. (the ex)… Make sure you are both on the same page with each other. Once you’ve had that conversation… you’ll need to sit down with your friend…. You should be truthful and tell them what your friendship with them means to you... let them know that you respect them. THEN… ask them how they would feel if you started dating their ex. They may be fine with it. They may be upset and say, “F*ck you. Absolutely not.”
Depending on how close your friendship is, this may be one of the toughest situations of your life. You’ll need to display complete and total honesty with yourself and ask yourself how serious you are about it (it’s OK if you don’t know yet, but you need to be honest). You need to be honest with this new person in your life and with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to have difficult conversations with two people you care about, knowing that those conversations won’t be safe or easy, will demonstrate what sort of a man or woman you are. Love is a Risk... Do it Anyway. The old double edge sword.
KMSL!!!! Well…….
lol…Uh oh…here comes Ro… the Olympian of life….the finder of mistakes…the person who never has a drama free day….lmao
Rules…or lack of….on dating ur best friend’s ex….hmmm…
In my opinion… there are no rules… there is a matter of respect. If you RESPECT your best friend, u WOULD NOT date their ex. No one ever tells EVERYTHING in their brain. And…although they say it’s cool…it’s really NOT. In the back of their head, they are always gonna think that you aren’t trustworthy around their mate….they won’t say it…but I can promise you…they will think it.
Of course…I have experienced it. I wasn’t the best friend…I was the ex. (sigh) Yeah…I did it….and it’s something I wouldn’t recommend. (unless you don’t have a conscience) While I was in college, I dated this guy named ____....he had a girlfriend back at home…so…I was his “college girl”. We dated for years…and our love for each other was deep. Well..his girlfriend got pregnant and he moved home…got married. Although we kept in touch, it wasn’t the same…and…I moved on.
Two years later, I moved to BR. His roommate/best friend volunteered to show me around…take me under his wing. As time went on, we started to date….and eventually became engaged. This is when it got complicated…
I called to tell ____ that I was engaged. He was happy! ….Until I said who it was. He was SO pissed. He said he felt betrayed and shocked… He never talked to his friend again and that basically ended their friendship. I tried to “fix” it…but to no avail.
Was it worth it…yes and no. Yes…bc I have a beautiful daughter as a result… And, No…bc it ended a friendship at my expense.
Everyone has different meanings of respect…and that’s fine…but before you do it, trade places with ur friend…imagine how you would feel…and then make that determination. Sometimes, It’s just not worth it…. IJS.
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