Divorce is both a blessing and a curse....a blessing because God allowed u to make it through it all AND is granting you a "do over." Not many people get second chances to make it right. A curse bc all the things u experienced during the marriage becomes a seed of doubt. You question everything- both right and wrong. The last thing you want is to make the same mistake AGAIN.
But eventually, you give in to being lonely and here comes dating.
Dating is NOT what it used to be! I say that emphatically.... Most men have downgraded from the "gentleman level" to "almost nice." No more opening the door...offering to pay for ur date...no more NOT expecting sex on the first date. Instead u get, an automatic unlock....maybe a paid meal, but u got the movie...and "can a brother make love to u or at least get some head???" kmsl Wow! Notice I did say most men... There are some that are still gentlemen....and sadly, they either are married or on another planet.
Well...lets just pretend u found a gentleman...how do u proceed? At what point do u start to trust again? For me, trust is earned. You start at ZERO and work urself up. Honesty goes hand and hand with trust. If ur honest, 9 times out of 10, ur trustworthy. You should NEVER jump right in to the next relationship. Just like u have issues, they do too...u wanna learn if their issues are something u can truly handle before u call urself making a commitment again. Take ur time. This is ur last do over. (hopefully)
And finally, have fun. Dating doesn't always have to lead to a relationship. It could also lead to a great friendship. Friendships sometimes last longer than relationships....besides, you should always be friends first. Communication is a key factor in both relationships and friendships.
So...there's my spill. Im not sure how or if Mista will respond...or what his thoughts are on dating after a divorce. Guess we'll see.
{Paging Mista}
Mista is from a different planet....
Chivalry didn't die.. I love opening the door for a lady and I insist on paying on our dinner dates. A man that has any intentions of being a good mate to you does not pressure you for sex when he meets you. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adios and don’t look back! lol....
In Genesis, did God say, "It is not good that the man should be alone...", but most confused singleness with being alone. Will there ever be a time, and has there ever been a time, you will cease to be separate, unique, and whole? If your answer is no, then the next question is: Does being in a relationship do away with this definition of being single? Being a single individual we should never stop..... being unique and whole. Until you are a separate, single, unique, and whole person you actually are not ready to be in a relationship!! (Never lose your Identity)
Relational issue arise most because a man or woman( or both) have not seen themselves as unique, worthy individuals, ie they have a bad self image, or they are schizophrenic in some way an not whole, or they are not separate but always depend on some other person to make them happy. What I am saying is that until you are truly single, relationships will be a difficult, and perhaps negative, experience. I think relationships gets better only when we become more single. 50/50 is no longer good enough we must be a whole person 100%.
Regaining Custody of Yourself first is the key after any divorce or break up. Custody of oneself does not mean declaring independence from the human race or establishing a policy of isolation in your own little world. It does not mean to become so self-centered that you declare love bankruptcy and close your trust company. Regaining custody of yourself means that you take responsibility for restoring your life according to God's principles and submit to His healing process. It means to take your roots out of other people and yet develop the freedom to share your fruit with them. It's when we put our trust in people like they are not going to hurt us.....smh we're human, think about it .............. yes we are going to lie, say ugly things to each other, make mistakes and yes hurt each other along with a host of other relational issues ... what did you expect, we're human.
But it's when we learn to allow God to love our chosen mate through us......... is when trust truly comes to love by choice and decisions. Understand that all feelings and emotions fluctuate. Even the strongest feelings of romantic love will wax and wane. At times, even the most ardent lovers can feel diminished love for each other. But within an upward fluctuating pattern, romantic love can constantly renew and build to higher levels.
Life After Divorce for me.... Regaining custody of myself and lessons learned to listen to the Exclusive Heart of the Woman......... She's careful who she choose as her mate..... so many questions she need to know and ask.... she needs it to be more than a feel good movement. She'll want me to hang around the family, to know how I will repond or will NOT respond to CONFLICT. She'll Make sure, she have things in COMMON with me, because she knows for when trouble rises that will only instigate division if she do not....she'll seek to know my values, evaluate how my past has affected me and to know how it will affect our RELATIONSHIP. Most of all IF IT DON'T WORK, She won't FORCE IT. She'll Get out before an EMOTIONAL attachment enables her to SETTLE, ACCEPT or deal with things she know are out of God's ORDER.. If I don't notice these thoughts within her than I know she's not like the Audience of One ROw..
Mista is from a different planet....
Chivalry didn't die.. I love opening the door for a lady and I insist on paying on our dinner dates. A man that has any intentions of being a good mate to you does not pressure you for sex when he meets you. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adios and don’t look back! lol....
In Genesis, did God say, "It is not good that the man should be alone...", but most confused singleness with being alone. Will there ever be a time, and has there ever been a time, you will cease to be separate, unique, and whole? If your answer is no, then the next question is: Does being in a relationship do away with this definition of being single? Being a single individual we should never stop..... being unique and whole. Until you are a separate, single, unique, and whole person you actually are not ready to be in a relationship!! (Never lose your Identity)
Relational issue arise most because a man or woman( or both) have not seen themselves as unique, worthy individuals, ie they have a bad self image, or they are schizophrenic in some way an not whole, or they are not separate but always depend on some other person to make them happy. What I am saying is that until you are truly single, relationships will be a difficult, and perhaps negative, experience. I think relationships gets better only when we become more single. 50/50 is no longer good enough we must be a whole person 100%.
Regaining Custody of Yourself first is the key after any divorce or break up. Custody of oneself does not mean declaring independence from the human race or establishing a policy of isolation in your own little world. It does not mean to become so self-centered that you declare love bankruptcy and close your trust company. Regaining custody of yourself means that you take responsibility for restoring your life according to God's principles and submit to His healing process. It means to take your roots out of other people and yet develop the freedom to share your fruit with them. It's when we put our trust in people like they are not going to hurt us.....smh we're human, think about it .............. yes we are going to lie, say ugly things to each other, make mistakes and yes hurt each other along with a host of other relational issues ... what did you expect, we're human.
But it's when we learn to allow God to love our chosen mate through us......... is when trust truly comes to love by choice and decisions. Understand that all feelings and emotions fluctuate. Even the strongest feelings of romantic love will wax and wane. At times, even the most ardent lovers can feel diminished love for each other. But within an upward fluctuating pattern, romantic love can constantly renew and build to higher levels.
Life After Divorce for me.... Regaining custody of myself and lessons learned to listen to the Exclusive Heart of the Woman......... She's careful who she choose as her mate..... so many questions she need to know and ask.... she needs it to be more than a feel good movement. She'll want me to hang around the family, to know how I will repond or will NOT respond to CONFLICT. She'll Make sure, she have things in COMMON with me, because she knows for when trouble rises that will only instigate division if she do not....she'll seek to know my values, evaluate how my past has affected me and to know how it will affect our RELATIONSHIP. Most of all IF IT DON'T WORK, She won't FORCE IT. She'll Get out before an EMOTIONAL attachment enables her to SETTLE, ACCEPT or deal with things she know are out of God's ORDER.. If I don't notice these thoughts within her than I know she's not like the Audience of One ROw..
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