Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Broken


Physically...
I'm taken...
My name is no longer singular but plural..
Plural in the sense of I am half of someone else in the regards of marriage...

Emotionally...
I'm broken...
My feelings no longer receptive to giving love...
Because love hasn't been given...

Mentally...
I'm driven...
Driven to pull myself out of the hold of resentment and regret...
Resenting the fact that I gave my all despite the signs that they didn't.....
Regretting I allowed myself to be lost...
Shattered...
Broken...
Pieces of me holding on by mere threads screaming for help...
And I...
I'm not even strong enough to put them back together...

Who am I?

My shell displays happiness...
Confidence...
Beauty...
It lights the room in a dark place...
Each layer of me is pronounced and bold...
I elude peace...
Even on bad days...
It appears...

But take away that shell....
Go beyond those layers....
And look into my soul...
It tells the true reflection of who or what I really am...

Broken.


(Dedicated to all the married women who live a facade everyday. The women who yearn for unconditional love because they don't have it at home. The women who are truly beautiful but don't feel it. You are not alone.)

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Being stubborn is not always bad...


Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Your priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded like the king piece on the chess board of life. But too often we debate over piddling things, like were to change the oil in the car or the choice of restaurants. It's so unfortunate stubbornness comes as a standard feature with in most relationships. But this blog issue.... I bring to the woman that wants to wed .. The ones that pray for a husband, but have little clue of a man's role in the relationship.

The relationship between a husband and a wife is meant to be one of respect, love and support. They are to help each other. A suitable helper with natural, physical, and emotional differences. Usually where one is weak, the other is strong. But, here lies the problem.... some women have a little doubt in God that are approaching the verge of chaos in the present day.

There are many contributing causes... but one I'm convinced most, for whatever reason, disrupt most relationships. I found root understanding in this verse... "like wise you husband, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered "~ Peter.

In this very brief verse, the finger squarely emphasizes on the man's responsibility prime role is that of intelligent leadership. God puts the responsibility of the man to exercise leadership within the home. This doesn't mean he's your daddy or your boss, but if you don't even respect him enough to allow him to influence you as a woman with the simple things like were to get oil changed in your car. Smh, how in hell will you ever choose to love him unconditionally. lol

You see.. If you can't respect a man's heart without monetary value, you won't ... truly ever love him ... as God have designed that very woman to be that suitable to helper. I want all lady's to know a Godfearing man won't ever ... yield his leadership, (thinking) that would fog the clear vision why he even fail in love with you... in the first place. He's not your daddy, but he should be able to influence his household ....and if not, he will soon ... distant you.

Let him love you as Jesus, so loved the church. Caring for the woman's well-being, and protecting her both physically and spiritually.

….. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.( Ephesians 5:22-24 ) As a married woman for the second time, I found new meaning in this scripture. Being raised in a two parent household for 23 years; only to spend my remaining time home under the direction of a single parent…. It made me question “how”… How can someone exist for 23 years with their spouse, supporting and submitting to them, and end up with literally nothing? After all, the Bible says submit….not be stupid….
So…I began my journey in life as a young adult…on a mission to never be that “broken woman.” I was independent, humble and no nonsense. Eventually, the day came that I became “a wife.” I took my vows seriously…or so I thought… I supported my husband in all his endeavors, I boosted his ego, I took care of home…the kids…placing everyone before myself….”I” ran the household. And I let him know it. Needless to say, that marriage ended…..and guess what, I still ended up with literally nothing! Really?! I asked aloud, “Lord…why? I did everything….why?” As I waited for His answer…I began to study my Bible more….started to really receive the Word He was giving me. Amongst the things I learned about myself…was the answer…There is no “me” in marriage….I was to become one with my spouse….and HE was to be Head of the Household…
….I swallowed my humble pie….made the changes I needed to make…and got married again. It started rocky…things were…(to me) far more difficult than the first. He did things “I” didn’t approve of…he said things “I” didn’t like…and he moved the household in the direction “I” didn’t wanna go. You already know, I fought him on it….lol But God stepped in and reminded me “order”…..reminded me that he was only doing as the Bible instructed. As hard as it was…I submitted to my husband….We prayed together…we communicated…and we overcame obstacles that only GOD could fix. I was often told that I was becoming weak…that I shouldn’t have to go to my husband for simple decisions….and as quickly as the words were spoken, they were shut down…
I said all that to say…women submit to your husband. Love him, support him, pray with him and for him….Do what aligns with the Word of God. You may not always understand…but trust that what God allows is always perfect!


Sunday, May 25, 2014

We are one...



"Can't understand
Why we treat each other in this way
Taking up time
With the silly silly games we play
We've got our love
And no matter how it's said or done

We are one no matter what we do
We are one love will see us through
We are one and that's the way it is

Sometimes I feel
That we try and make each other sad
The things we do
How we make eachother feel so bad
We've got so much
We could all be having so much fun

We are one from the very start
We are one deep down in your heart
We are one
And that's the way it is".....

Definitely one of my favorite songs. I love the message it yields and the feeling it gives when I hear it. Ironically it applies to most relationships... Most marriages.. It puts it all on "front street" as it should be... Rather than the picking and choosing what we encounter with our egos.

Which brings me to this question.. "Should egos have a place in any relationship?" Sure egos are inevitable... We all have an ego. But should it be the basis of what u share or don't share in the relationship? Does having an ego divide the concept of being one?

 Ahhh, Mrs Me... This is the storm of pride going before destruction.

The "I" or self of any person .... a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves ... Smh, do two walk together unless they agree ? I see it like this... a humble heart has no room for ego or pride or arrogance because it recognizes that all we have and all we are comes from God (for who makes us different from anyone else) And if you did receive it, why carry on as though you did not?

We are all fearfully wonderfully made. Trust when I say ... It's the enemy that tells us we have no value... that we're flawed, but make no mistake about it we have value. We all have a past and a struggle. We're not perfect, we're just forgiven. Besides love lets the other win (wink)... "Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others"~Philippians

After all, WE ARE ONE...


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

"Disagree with dignity"...



"I have fallen out of love with you"... "If you don't want to do it, I can get someone else." It's so simple to read a person in thick of conflict. They're actually saying, I'm not committed to you. I don't love you unconditionally, but only when I'm feeling or if the circumstance is selfishly in my favor. lol, Smh.... Thinking.. the deepest, most heartbreaking ...damage you'll ever do or ever have done to a relationship is most likely in thick of conflict. This is when your pride is strongest. And when you're most selfish and judgmental. Your words contain the most...... venom. Trust when I say, you better put your foot on the brakes. "Disagree with dignity"... because love only fights fair. "It is better to sit on the corner of the roof than with a contentious woman"~ Proverbs.. This verse is about dealing with conflict in such a way that you come out healthier on the other side. Both of You. Together. You see... I know I need the kind of foundation that's stronger than mere ... friendship or sexual attraction. The kind of something that won't sway by time or circumstance. "Agape love" ... even though, that love which began for the wrong reasons can be restored and redeemed. If.. I'm not your everything.... please replace me, I'm not irreplaceable. Smiling, because I dare to love 1 Corinthians 13.

Wow Mista... Is there really a process where couples can disagree with dignity? lol shaking my head.... Dignity typically checks out the second the argument goes from "I'm not saying anything" to "has this negro lost his mind"?! As much as we wanna take the higher road, the truth of the matter is, we don't. Yes, we say things we shouldn't say... Yes, we point out things we shouldn't show... And we most definitely stop listening when we should listen.  We go into the argument knowing that when it's all over, someone is gonna get mad, there will be a period of silence and then the "make up". It's a vicious cycle. But what people don't admit is, there is some truth to the things you've expressed.... I don't care how many people say they didn't mean it.. THEY REALLY DID. So why lie for the sake of an argument? If more people expressed their feelings regularly, there wouldn't be a need to disagree with dignity. Your mate would know when ur pissed.  Your mate would know when ur feeding them bs. And they definitely would know that even though u love them, u get tired of the same ole ish. Bottom line.. If ur honest with ur mate and u communicate honestly no matter what, those arguments will be few and far between anyway. Save urself the grief.. The headaches.. And take those small body shots. I'd rather take the body shots any day rather than a knockout.... Those are harder come back from. Ijs...

Mista.. Glad ur back :)

Sunday, February 23, 2014

How can you submit to him and lean on him?



We are traveling through life unconnected and unexamined, but we're careful to maintain an image suggesting that we're okay when we really aren't. The person we present in public looks all right, while deep inside we harbor great turmoil and conflict. Making a living is not easy in our competitive world. This blog is about the husband..... often faces frustrations, discouragements, and setbacks. Some people take advantage of him, cheat him, and deceive him. Others criticize or censure him.

He'll need someone to encourage him, to appreciate him, to believe in him, and to respect him—and that is why God gave him a wife! He will be able to bear a great deal more hardship in the workaday world if he knows that he has a wife at home who admires him, trusts him, and stands by him, whatever happens. If he gets the same sort of treatment at home that he gets in the working world, he will be tempted to try some form of escape which will lead to unhappiness for all concerned. But the thought of a smile coupled with a little admiration and encouragement will draw him to his home like a magnet. 

Just think as God...... planned for a husband’s love to meet his wife’s needs, so he planned for the wife’s submission to meet her husband’s needs. While a woman’s God-given nature is to be dependent, a man senses an inner urge to take charge. No matter what he says or how he acts, he deeply resents any tactic his wife may use to dominate or manipulate him. Furthermore, a leader must have respect and recognition, and that is exactly what God wants the wife to provide. “The wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband.”93 God made the husband to lead; the wife must let him lead, treating him as a leader should be treated.

 So ladies if you are thinking.... How can I submit to him and lean on him?” Try it! Try submitting to him as unto the, Lord, in everything. Just obey the Word and entrust the consequences to the Lord! Defer to your husband’s judgment when he really ought to make the decision. Express some confidence in his abilities instead of running him down, ridiculing him, belittling him, or comparing him with other men. Tell him that you think he’s the greatest, and that you thank God for having him to lean on. Then step back.... and watch God use your attitude to make a man out of him, the man God wants him to be a Man of Valor.

Monday, January 27, 2014

A SON'S LOVE


Hi! Thank you for visiting the site. My name is Terence Jones, Debra's son. I wanted to help create this page to raise funds for treatments for my mother. On January 15, 2014. My life as I knew it stopped dead in its tracks. This was the date I received a phone call that my 55 years old mother ,the love of my life, had cancer being diagnosed with one form is scary enough but unfortunately she's been diagnosed with two forms Invasive Carcinoma. Which spread to her axillary to form another form of cancer known as adenocarcinoma, something I had never heard of before. Meet Debra L. Scott a single parent mom to me, but mother to many. Her love truly stretches beyond those who know her. Debra is Known for holiday meals that exceeds expectations and always thinking of those less fortunate then we've been even when other's thought less. She always instilled in us to help those in need. Some of her dreams are to see me and my sister establish tight net families of our own and I refuse to let her dreams for us die.    So now this Cancer, As I said before I've taken a leave of absence from my life. I currently live in Irving Tx but as of the phone call Jan. 15 2014 a date that won't ever leave my mind. I dropped everything to comeback home to Texarkana Tx to be with her to attack and beat this thing with her and be with her every step of the way. I've consumed  myself with research and knowing every last horrible detail about this disease the different treatment options, cost, and outcomes of all. But my MOTHER, Debra has vowed that the "roadblocks" ahead wouldn't stop her life. I know my views are biase in this statement but my mother is possibly the most postive, strongest, and stubborn person I have ever met. Don't get me wrong she has been doing plenty of research through her faith and preparing herself for the tough journey ahead. Knowing their's no guarantee's I now know times like this there is only HOPE and BELIEF. This I know is the exact truth that she wants to share with the world.     Debra, with the help of my sister and I, has looked into many different health and wellness centers as well as cancer treatment facilities that treat people just like her unfortunately the BEST places seem very expensive and not covered by her insurance, but with much research she has narrowed it down to what she believes is the best match for her Oasis Of Hope. This center combines conventional and alternative treatment which is what Debra is ultimately hoping for. My confidences and faith is strong as well but my biggest fear is "time" knowing with everyday that passes without this process being expedited her Cancer is growing.  Please help my family and me get my mother treated and CURED. She truly believes and is at peace with the approaches and path she is taking. When she overcomes this I know that she will continue on her path to help others all over the world ,for this, we cannot wait.No donation is to small, all are welcome and so very appreciated... http://www.gofundme.com/6dbspk

Friday, August 3, 2012

Stolen With One Glance...What do your eyes say?


I've heard that the eyes are the windows to the soul so often it has become trite, but it seems so true. What is it about the eyes? Though silent, they speak so much volume. They tell if you're angry, sad, happy, approachable, or unapproachable. Hmmm, her eyes became a stronghold... a place of no escape. The effect of her eyes had so much passion to captivate with a power to arrest a man, invite, or deter the approach. Without being arrogant and bold.

What do yours say? Are they filled with the pain of the past relationship or the doubt of mistrust? "Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness" (Luke 11:34). Give your fears and disappointments to His forgiveness... and find favor in the eyes of another... focused on the peace, joy and happiness set before you... attracting the right mate to follow the path to your heart.

Knowing that love can do anything for you! All you have to do is give love by feeling good, and any negativity of pain in your eyes will fade away. The solution is always love! I don't know how it will be solved, and we may never know how, but if you maintain feeling good and give love, it will just happen. I am not speaking of what I suspect to true, but what I know to be true. This is no invention of mines. I lay no personal claim to it except that of observed its unvarying application in her eyes...an everyday walk of life.

So if you demand proof positive of the soundness of this law of peace, joy and happiness in finding a true relationships. I cannot offer it except through one witness, and that is you. You may prove it simply by testing and applying this law for yourself. Think of it like this great universal law "We reap what we sow" even in thought... viewed through our eyes.

I saw him…standing with friends….smiling and laughing and talking….totally unaware of the trance he had me in. With only a side view he had captured my attention…. I was drawn to his swag of being an individual….bc clearly he did not match the friends of which he was surrounded. I waited patiently…discreetly…for a frontal view… Then… it happened….he turned…facing me… and I ….fell in love…with his eyes.  He stole my heart, with just ONE GLANCE.

Your eyes….the mirror to your soul….the communicators of love….the bearers of hate….the voice of ur convictions.  They speak volumes when you are silent and remain mute when u are vocal. They know their role without being taught or prompted because they are a major part of ur emotional being.

I’ve been told that my eyes are seductive…. That with just one look I could undress, or kiss, or hug…..lol And because of that, I’ve learned to take full advantage  of those moments…..often seducing him, or teasing  him, even making love to him….. I love the power that my eyes produce…

Love is…simply amazing through the right eyes. Eyes that have allowed themselves to bond ONLY with the person that owns ur heart.  I wish I knew the correlation between the brain, the heart and the eyes….how they are able to read each other so easily?….smh….perhaps they had a beautiful love affair. Whatever the reason, they are the reason we love…and love so freely.  The truth of love exists and relies solely on ur ability to accept it as is….and as Mista says…ON PURPOSE.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Fruit of Unfailing Love



The early days of their relationship was beautiful as their love began to blossom. And God blessed their union with a son. How Timothy's heart must have swelled with joy. He was convinced that his future marriage would be better than ever with this little one to brighten their home. Timothy named the baby, for his name was to have prophetic significance to the beginnings. He called him Quez. While his family was prospering at the moment, its destruction was on the horizon and it would happen in the valley of spiritually.

It was after the birth of Quez that Timothy seems to have noticed a change in May. She became restless and unhappy, like a bird trapped in a cage. He went on encouraging the wayward family to turn from its sinful ways and trust God for deliverance from the threat of surrounding temptations . “Return unto the potters house!” was the theme of his thoughts, and he encouraged it repeatedly with faith. But May seemed less and less interested in his spiritual encouragement. In fact, she may have grown to resent it. She probably even accused Timothy of thinking more about his dreams than he did of hers. She began to find other interests to occupy herself, and spent more and more time away from home.

The dangers are great when a husband and wife have few interests in common. Sometimes he goes his way and she goes hers. They each have their own set of friends, and there is little communication to bring their two worlds together. A husband’s preoccupation with his work may be the major contributing factor to the cleavage. Or it may be a wife’s growing involvement in outside activities and subsequent neglect of the home. It may simply be a disinterest in the things of the Lord on the part of either husband or wife. But it sets the scene for great calamity. Husbands and wives need to do things together and take an interest in each other’s activities. In this inspired note, the responsibility is clearly laid upon May rather than Timothy. She did not share her husband’s love for God.

That brings us, secondly, to his unrelieved agony. This note does not give the details of what happened, but what it does say would permit you some speculation concerning the progressive trend that led to the tragic situation you will eventually discover. May’s absences from home probably grew more frequent and prolonged and soon Timothy was feeling pangs of suspicion about her faithfulness to him.But Timothy went on with the wedding at God's direction. He lay awake at night and wrestled with his fears. He worked with a heavy heart during the day. And his suspicions three months after they wed were confirmed when May came to him before his sister would, to tell of her unfaithfulness. This was a trying time for Timothy, but in the mist of the storm May's father past away.And May's sister called Mehaa, which means “unpitied” or “unloved,” implying that she would not enjoy her true father’s love.Came to live with the family. Again the name was symbolic of May's wandering from God’s love and the discipline she would soon experience. But even that spiritual message could not soothe the family's troubled soul.

No sooner had little Mehaa came part of the family than May conceived again. It was another boy. May call him Ethan, which meant “not my people,” or “no kin of mine.” It symbolized May’s alienation from Timothy, but it also exposed May’s sinful escapades. That child born in Timothy’s house was questioned if his.

It was all out in the open now. Everyone knew about May’s affairs. While the entire second part of this note describes Timothy’s relationship with his unfaithful wife May, it is difficult to escape the feeling that it grows out of Timothy’s relationship with May, as it is clearly describe that sad and sordid story. He pleaded with her. He threatened to disinherit her. But still she ran off with her lover because he promised to lavish material things on her. He tried to stop her on occasion , but she continued to seek her companion in sin. Timothy would take her back in loving forgiveness and they would try again. But her repentance would be short-lived and soon she would be off again with her new lover.

Then the final blow fell. Maybe it was a note, maybe word sent by a friend, but the essence of it seems to have been, “I’m leaving for good this time. I’ve found my true love. I’ll never come back again.” How Timothy must have suffered! He loved her deeply and grieved for her as though she had been taken in death. His heart ached that she should choose a life that would surely bring her to ruin. His friends were probably saying, “Good riddance to her, Timothy. Now you’ll be through with her adulterous ways once and for all.” But Timothy did not feel that way. He longed for her to come home.

Timothy wanted to see May restored to his side as his faithful wife. And he believed that God was great enough to do it. One day word came by way of the grapevine gossips that May had been deserted by her lover. She had sold her soul into slavery and had hit bottom. This was the last straw. Certainly now Timothy would forget her. But his heart said “No.” He could not give her up. And then God spoke to him: “Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods” (Hos. 3:1).

May was still beloved of Timothy even though she was an adulteress, and God wanted him to seek her out and prove his love to her. How could anyone love that deeply? The answer was right there in God’s instructions to Timothy, “even as the Lord loves.” Only one who knows the love and forgiveness of God can ever love this perfectly. And one who has experienced His loving forgiveness cannot help but love and forgive others. Christian husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25), and Timothy is an outstanding earthly example of that kind of love.

So he began his search, driven by that indestructible divine love, love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love that never ends. And he found her, ragged, torn, sick, dirty, disheveled, destitute, a repulsive shadow of the woman she once was. We wonder how anyone could love her now. But Timothy brought her home. Then he said to her, “You shall stay with me for many days. You shall not play the harlot, nor shall you have a man; so I will also be toward you” (Hos. 3:3). He eventually restored her to her position as his wife. While this note fictional imitating a recent event in the book of Hosea ,We cannot escape the fruit of HIS unfailing love God has for us, we assume that God used the supreme act of forgiving love of Hosea (Timothy) to melt her heart and change her life.

How many times should a husband or wife forgive? Some contend, “If I keep forgiving I simply affirm him in his pattern of sin.” Or “If I keep forgiving, she’ll think she can get away with anything she wants.” Others say, “If I keep forgiving, it’s like putting my seal of approval on his behavior.” Or “I can’t take another hurt like that. If he does that one more time, I’m leaving.” Those are human responses. Listen to the response of the Lord Jesus. You see, Peter had asked the Lord this same question: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” The Lord’s answer was, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:21, 22). That is a great deal of forgiveness. In fact, Christ was simply saying in a captivating way that there is no end to forgiveness.

Sometimes it’s just the little slights and daily agitations that need forgiveness, the occasional sharp word or angry accusation. But we harbor it, let it eat at us, and build up bitterness and resentment which erodes our relationship. Maybe it’s a major offense, like May’s, and we can never forget it. We stew on it and fret over it, and we keep bringing it up in a subconscious attempt to punish our mates for the hurts we have suffered. We try to forgive, but a few days later it’s right there again, preying on our consciousness. Big wounds sometimes take longer to heal. They will come back to our minds. There is no way to avoid it. But every time they do, we must first remind ourselves that we really did forgive, then rehearse how much God has forgiven us, then ask Him to take the destructive, unforgiving thoughts out of our minds.

We need to love like that. We need to forgive like that. We need to drag the festering hurts we have been harboring in our hearts to the cross of Christ—where we laid our own burden of guilt one day and where we found God’s loving forgiveness—and we must leave them all there. When we fully forgive, our minds will be released from the bondage of resentment that has been building a wall between us, and we shall be free to grow in our relationship with each other.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

How to Handle the Baby Mama: Part I: Me's Side



So...we've decided to break this up into sides. Mista's Side (the male view) and Me's Side (the female's view)... It's funny how men and women's views can be so alike but so different....lol  Here it goes....

The term "baby Mama" has been a bad word for as long as I can remember.  You immediately think crazy, deranged "bitch".....an
d in some cases...kmsl....that's putting it mildly.  It's unfortunate when parents can't work together for the good of the child...not only for the child but because it's the right thing to do. Not all parents work...and when they don't, they have to communicate bc eventually....ONE or BOTH of them will move on...A sad but true reality...

lol I am a "baby Mama" (twice)....and speaking as one, I have to set the record straight. "Not all of us are psycho....and not all of us want your man....we already had them... remember?" Ok. Moving along. There are three types of Baby Mamas: "Drama Mama", "Business Mama", and "Stupid Mama." Allow me to take a second and explain the dynamics on how to handle each...

Drama Mama- this is the one who is indeed crazy and deranged.  She got this way either bc she got played, got pregnant thinking she would keep him, or bc she wants him back. She uses the child as a weapon to hurt the Dad as well as a money maker.  Drama Mama feels like the world owes her and she is the victim.  How to handle her: 1) Deal with her as less as possible. Communication is not really required between the two of u until the other parent deems it necessary. 2) DO NOT think she's ur friend..chances are, she's using u to get information about him or u to be used for her own stupid reasons. 3) DO NOT underestimate her. She may be ghetto...but she's also sneaky and conniving. 4) DO NOT argue or talk bad in front of the child. That is STILL their mother. Nothing changes that. 5) If she puts her hands on u....KICK HER ASS (or if ur not a fighter- press charges) If she knows ur not intimidated, she's less likely to try u.

Business Mama- this is the one who is over ur man.  She communicates the child's progress and their happiness is what matters most.  She will call only when needed and chances are, she'll wanna meet u. How to handle her: 1) Be respectful.  She'll respect u as long as you respect her.  2) Communicate. Once she sees u have a genuine interest in the child, she will be more comfortable around you. 3) Know ur place. Yes, this is ur step or potential stepchild, but do not take the lead on decisions. If they allow you in on the decision...
4) Be honest. Honesty will go a long way with her.

Stupid Mama- this is the one who's confused. One minute she loves him, the next she wants nothing to do with him.  One minute she wants the child, the next she wants him to have them. She never has a steady boyfriend so she's always on an emotional rollercoaster.  How to handle her: 1) Be Consistent. Whatever you start...finish. Let her know that u will not change 2) Be supportive of the child. If the Mom is moody, so will the child.  3) Have some patience. Eventually most Stupid Mamas will become Business Mamas.

As with all cases...be supportive to ur mate. Trust his decisions. Communicate ur concerns and work with him as ONE. Being jealous or controlling will only make u miserable..and that's not a healthy relationship. Ur not a referee...ur the mate. Trust me...I've been there...I still am.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

3 Stages of a Successful Relationship: Preparing for ur Mate, Loving ur Mate, and Keeping ur Mate (Part I)


Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long-term maintenance is costly as well. It is similar with a relationship. To love, to miss, and to need may make one smile. But to maintain the smile day after day plants the seed of belief to share it all back much more frequently to be special.

Most find it easy to list what they want in a mate. However, what about your own qualities? What traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful relationship? What type of husband or wife will you be ? Do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always defensive when corrected? Are you generally cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?

Marriage will not change your personality. If you are proud, oversensitive, manipulative, or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married. You see... first you must gain custody of yourself first by Knowing God's will. What I am convinced of is this... God's will is that you become the person He desires, and not that you become obsessed with your search for the One. With that being said, His will leads us to be a certain person, the son or daughter He wants to He wants to spend eternity with.

Once you take your eyes off your search for the One, you'll be better equipped to recognize what kind of person He intends you to be. At that point, whoever you choose to marry will be God's will, because you'll be following Him first.

 Preparing for ur Mate....hmmmmm....

I think everyone is in need of a "person".  The person who will cater to them, support them, not take them for granted and love them unconditionally.  Some of us have a checklist of what will be acceptable or what is not....while others believe it's okay to simply exist.  But, the question we should all have in our head is, are we truly ready for a mate?

Being alone is uncomplicated.... it doesn't require compromise, or effort...and when u just don't feel like being bothered,  there's no one there to say otherwise.  Yet...on the otherside...being alone is lonely....it's uneventful...and at some point, u want the void of emptiness to be fulfilled. Which side would you prefer?
Or...does it even matter?

Preparing for you mate, I feel, starts with you.  Before you can make anyone else happy, you have to be happy with self.  You have to alter ur thought processes....learn to compromise...be transparent. The preparation you put into it  will determine what u'll get out of it.  Don't fool urself thinking you can jump in head first and receive automatic success. That's simply not true.

Preparation requires the following:

1. Communication from both mates- are we jumping the gun....likes....dislikes...what's hindering the relationship...
2. Expectations- what do you expect to gain from this relationship...what is expected of ur mate....
3. Compromise- from those expectations, what are you willing to give up or can u not give up something but alter it instead...
4. Think outside the box- don't just think today....think about the future..

We make time for the things we want....and for everything else...we make excuses. 





Thursday, July 19, 2012

How do you love me....let me count the ways...



It seems as though we go through life wondering if our mates, our children, and our friends love us. We feel insecure about the other people in our lives, and we're not sure where we stand. Even though we tell and show the people in our lives that we love, them they don't seem to catch the answer because they're always reaching out to test our love for them.

Sometimes our children wear crazy clothes, put rings in their ears, tattoo their body's, become involved in same sex act, or use foul language to see if we really love them. Yes, relationships bonded by love has a price.... not always to the extreme, but a cost of time, energy, commitment, money, and devotion.

 Selfish people take without giving back, but a true lover of your smile will always be giving and giving and giving. Is there someone in your life who is asking this very basic question..." Do you love me?" What is your reply? Let your family know again that you love them. Look them straight in the eyes... and say it " Yes.. I do .. love you! Let your words and actions show those around you that you love them..

I once heard someone say, "...a man would rather a woman EXPRESS they respect them vs. hearing a woman SAY they love them" and I wondered how could that be possible? But, the more I thought of it...it made perfect sense.  LOVE is an action word.  Not only do we speak the existence of love, but we express it through our actions.....

Although love is an action....and we go through great lengths to SHOW our love....it can still reflect as an uncertainty.  Why? Because everyone has their view of what love SHOULD BE. For example...most women like to HEAR the words, "I love you".... Most men like to SEE expressions of love... and most children determine the degree of love by how much time you spend with them and on them.  How will you know which applies? lol You won't!

There will always be tests of love....there will always be uncertainty....no matter how hard u try...no matter how far you extend urself....but at the end to the day....the people you love and who love you most, will appreciate and know WITHOUT DOUBT, that you truly LOVE them.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Thank You...




The Authors (Me and Mista) of this blog, would like to thank you for your CONTINUOUS and FAITHFUL support of our blog. Although we very rarely have comments, the numbers are humbling.  If there is ever a subject you would like to see presented, if u would like to share how our blog made a difference in your life, or if you would ever like to contribute, please....let either of us know.  Our emails are listed below.


Sincerely,
Me and Mista Jones

Ro- msckone@gmail.com
Mista-timjnz13@gmail.com

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Do We Need A Family Philosophy Overhaul?


Couples who have chosen to have children need a philosophy overhaul. When deciding how to raise the kids, here's a simple rule of thumb. Children need to be raised, and the only way that becomes possible is by spending quality time with them.

In doing so, oneness will flourish the spiritual temperature and your children will be given a consistent picture of the standards you require. I often hear how hard it is to make it off only one income, and that may be completely true, but if you can't afford to spend more quality time with your family and raise your children, you may need to change how you think of your need for material things. Reevaluate your priorities. Consider buying a smaller home, purchasing less expensive cars, or resisting the urge to buy name brand goods.

If you just have to compete with the Joneses, have a contest to see who can spend the most quality time with their family. With this in mind, note that your kids have secret powers they can unleash to battle the things of this world. You have them as well, but they might have been neglected because no one helped you develop them. Even so, help your children develop the secret power of their spiritual gifts, talents, skills, and ability.

Help your family by spending the quality time to learn the power available in the truth of Scripture. Work as team to help your children grow into the incredible kids God intends them to be.. Do it Together. Overhauling My Philosophy as we speak... Mista is taking the boys on a little road trip to South Padre.



"All money is not good money."  Growing up that was a term I heard over and over again but didn't really understand the meaning.  As a child, I thought "money is money"....and of course you could never have too much of that! lol But, as I got older and had children of my own, I could appreciate and understand it's meaning. What's the use in having money that you have no time to spend....or better yet, what's the use of having money and no happiness?

Memories cannot be bought or repeated...once they happen they are gone. Yes...she can model the dress she wore for prom, but u won't see the look of nervousness in her eyes when her date appeared.... Yes....he can tell you about the winning touchdown....but you won't be able to see the expression of victory he felt AT THAT MOMENT.... No...you were working EXTRA hours to buy more things that they don't need. And...if you asked them which would they prefer, I'd bet my last dollar they would prefer you being a part of that special moment.

Am I saying you should be broke and living in poverty to spend time with ur kids? No.  What Im saying is, material things come and go, but family is forever.

I'll never forget my first Christmas as a single parent. I had limited funds but I spent as much as I could. I felt bad because my kids were always able to get the things they wanted plus some.  I just knew they would be down and I had ruined their Christmas. While they opened their gifts, I watched their faces....waiting for a frown to appear. They only had 4 gifts a piece...and on the last one, I said..."Im sorry girls...Mama had to pay bills first." and begin to cry. The girls came to me and hugged me and said, "Don't cry Mama. It doesn't matter...we have you." We cried together for a minute and laughed and talked the rest of the night. That was a night I will never forget...

I said all that to say this. Our kids feed from us.  They learn the value of money...the value of respect...the value of family... it's up to US to instill the proper "philosophy" of life in them. ....."But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33)

Have You Notice A Virtuous Woman?



The Bible speaks of the “virtuous woman”. Who is she? How does God in His Word describe her? Does she pray faithfully each day? Is she used in the gifts of the Holy Spirit? Does she consistently do daily Bible study and have regular devotional times? The answer? — None of these traits is listed in God’s most extensive Scriptural description of virtuous women.


Please go with me to the Bible’s grand description of the godly woman in the eyes of God — that is, Proverbs 31:10-31, quoted from the NIV and, where so noted, from the King James Version (KJV).

Proverbs 31:10, KJV Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Vs. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. A virtuous woman inspires absolute confidence in her husband. He can “safely trust in her” (KJV). She is not impetuous, scatterbrained, or unpredictable. Rather, she can be trusted. Her husband can be confident in her. She will never deliberately let him down.

Vs. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Vs. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

Vs. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
Vs. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

Vs. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Vs. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Vs. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

Vs. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

Vs. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Vs. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Vs. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Vs. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Vs. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Vs. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Vs. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Vs. 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

Vs. 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Vs. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


She not only stimulates her husbands mind but adds the flavor of wisdom to his world. Her wisdom holds the key.... to her man's possessing honor, success, power, long life, and wealth.... not just materially, but spiritually and emotionally as well. A wellspring of good suggestions and worthy advice, offerin them only when appropriate. The frequency of this woman...... lies in her stability and loyalty being that she's so devoted, a romantic that's somewhat possessive. With a sensual nature that has a way of erasing any mistakes!


Keep in mind that this wise woman never flaunts her wisdom, no ... she equips her man to feel wise. One of the most incredible attributes a woman inherited from our heavenly Father is the gift of creativity. A woman has the natural ability to take nothing and turn it into something beautiful. Use this gift wisely to create smiles, good feelings, and confidence in your man. 


Ladies be a treasure chest loaded with deliciously good things. Your man's dreamweaver, that cultivate his dreams to life, blend your touch into the fabric of his deepest longings. Know this is the secret........ to remaining the woman of his dreams. An endless supply of pleasant surprises. Have you noticed a virtuous woman? I've seen Her..

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Lust...Love...and Being in Love: Part III of the Series on Love




I reach…deep into his soul…invading the darkness…replacing it with light.  I see…the bars surrounding his heart…the veins shackled down…struggling to break free. I look…for the key…for some form of release…of the pain he must feel…and…I cannot imagine him bearing it all alone. He is…my personal rubix cube…teasing and testing my brain beyond his limits…. Because…I want to…defeat him…defeat the battle within him…I want him to know that…He is…perfect in every way. I want US to…accept together…that WE don’t walk in anyone else’s shadows…He is the bone and I am the flesh….so we only exist as ONE.

That poem is a true depiction of how being in love really feels… being in love has no boundaries. You will go to the ends of the Earth only to return and go again. YOUR person will never fall because you are there to catch them. They are your world. That’s how you know when you are IN LOVE.

Is there a difference between, LOVE and being IN LOVE? Absolutely. Love…you are capable of walking away… In Love…no matter what that person says or does, u will never leave. You can love someone and hurt them…but truly being in love with someone, you will hurt before they do….and that’s truth.

…..it’s a process. The first time you lay eyes on someone….u LUST for them. You want them in ur space. You want to explore every inch of their body…you want to fulfill their EVERY SEXUAL need…  Then, as time progresses and you begin to spend time with them, …..you begin to LOVE. U appreciate not only their body but their mind.  U want to learn more about them as a person…..still…at any point and time, u can walk away.  This is where most relationships end. And finally, you fall IN LOVE. You love everything about them…mind, body and soul.  They make you feel complete. You cannot imagine life without them.  THIS feeling, is a feeling u will never forget. Even when one of you leaves this Earth…this love will never fail.

I hope you enjoyed our series on Love.  We try to bring u topics and present them to u where we talk TO YOU, not AT YOU. And…as long as you keep reading…we’ll keep bringing it.



IN LOVE.. hmph!! What we read, hear, and watch seems to fall so short of what true love really is. As a young baby, I enter the world with much love bestowed on me by my parents and grandparents. Although they made such a fuss over us as babies and gave us so much attention, somewhere along the way we seemed to lose grasp of the concept of committing to love no matter what.

Through the years we've gone from a decision to love to a feeling of love. Think of it like a child is born... and even though the child has only been in this world for a moment.... the love is unconditional from the moment the mother and child lay eyes on each other... would you agree. But yet we have lost our focus with confusing signals regarding love.... we fall in and out of love..... we can give it a trial run... smh no wonder we're confused when we get real serious about true love.

Mista's cry is that love is much more than a warm puppy. It is an unselfish decision to love and honor your commitment to another person and to God... IN .. is Action.. So get to work, because in love isn't something you fall in, but something you do on purpose daily..

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Lust...Love...and Being in Love: Part II of the Series on Love


I could say that you complete me…that I can’t live without you…that Im nothing without you... But, the truth is, we complete each other…I live because you make life worth living…and Im more WITH you than WITHOUT you.. I realize that no love is the same…and the love we share can only exist with US.

Love. Love is a very powerful word.  Its four letters hold high merits but receives low praise. It is slandered…used…abused….yet, it still holds true to form and STANDS... Many other words (such as lust and like) often try to imitate LOVE but they fail…

Love doesn’t have to be reciprocated. Your love for someone can surpass their every expectation and they not even know.  That alone is a sad reality.  Do I know what it feels like to love? Yes. I love my children…I love my children’s Fathers…I love my family…my friends…..and you know what? All of them are loved in a different way!

OMG…smh…love is the master chameleon. You can just love the mere thought of it and think ur in love. lol But u know what Ive learned? Ive learned that it’s easy to walk away from love. You know why? Because LOVE is simply a learned emotion.

….you ever heard someone say, I love that outfit!!! Or I love that car!!! ….and after they said it, they just walk away? That ALONE should let u know that LOVE is not what it seems. Now…what follows love is what seals the deal…what’s really real….is being IN LOVE. You ready for that???? lol Stay tuned.

Mista 13 cents..

If someone were to ask me, "Why do you love her?" When most men would mention her beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.

But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of these things. Would you still love them? Based on all the answers above from most... the only logical response would be "no" if your reasons for loving her ...... all have something to do with his or her qualities.... and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear.... your basis for love is over.

But back to why I love her... truth is this....love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love. In this is love, not that I loved, but that God's love is a choice, He makes completely on His own. It's something I receive from Him and then share with her. "We love, because He first loved us". Meaning to unconditional give love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things does not come from within. It can only come from God.

And thankfully... by your choice... it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it to share it.... and then you will know the true love... that you will no longer say, I love you because... You will now say, I love you(her), PERIOD... 

Sex and the African American Community part 2


Is it best to shield children from any mention of sexual matters? NO. It is better to teach your kids about sex yourself.... if not the streets will..

There is nothing shameful about discussing sex in a proper context. The "Mosaic Law" mentioned a number of sexual matters, about the dangers of sexual immorality including menstruation, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and incest. Some parents seem to think that if they protect their kids from it by them not knowing they'll be safe, but that is so far from the truth.

 So if your question is... does such teaching lead children to commit immorality? Well...Think of it like this "by knowledge are the righteous rescued." Do you not want to rescue your children from this world's influences? Key word>> "World's Influences"... that's right... homosexuality is a learned behavior... but some tend to accuse and excuse by saying I was born like this.. NOT! That goes for all sexual sins.

Furthermore, immorality is contrasted with the satisfaction of sexual pleasure in its proper setting, within marriage. Is Mista judging... OH NO!! I'm only sharing Truth... I've fallen short many times myself when it comes sexual purity.. so... I won't be making anymore accusations or excuses. Teach your kids.. that way, when they hear other children talking about sex, they're not curious. There's no big mystery.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Lust...Love...and Being in Love: Part I of the Series on Love


This is the FIRST of THREE in our series about LOVE.  We will attempt...yes attempt...(because not everyone will agree or understand the dynamics of what we are going to cover) to give some clarity about the three things people encounter in their journey to "secure" love.  When I say secure, I mean grasp the TRUE concept of what LOVE really is.

The first thing you encounter is LUST. Lust is the physical portion of any relationship.  It can be the beginning  of TRUE love or the ending of what you thought to be a 'perfect' relationship. Lust is an evil, deceptive lil creature with hella seductive ways...and if you don't watch it...lust can end ur life. (so you'd better wrap it up...lol...IJS)

Lust is commonly confused with love and often the words are used interchangeably. But...make no mistake, love and lust are two separate beings...and should be treated accordingly.  If u lust behind someone, u are simply fulfilling ur physical desires. Meaning, if that person walked out of ur life today, the only thing u would miss are the "cookies"....

Yes...cookies are goood.....and even better with milk...lol...but cookies aren't a complete meal. Lust is just the dessert portion of the meal.... and we know that ALOT of people skip dessert...kmsl... Now...how do u find out if ur the meal or the dessert? Simple...

Scenario one:
Women....First...Tell ur Boo Elvira has made a suprise appearance... and then make plans for the weekend.  If he still agrees to come...it's probably a lil more than lust. No man will spend an entire weekend with JUST A JUMPOFF.

Scenario two:
Men...Ask ur Girl to meet u during the daytime for lunch. And...after lunch is over, ask her to do something spontaneous like take a walk in the park.  If she agrees....it's probably more than lust...No one wants to be seen in public with JUST A BOOTY CALL.

The bottom line, lust is just the polite word for fu**....because honestly, with lust no one gives a fu**. Although...in rare instances...lust can sometimes lead to love... Hmm....stay tuned.

Mista?


Hmph... I say, "Lust is in opposition to love" It kind of like setting your heart and passions on something forbidden. From eyes to heart to action..... And then follows shame and regret. That's just about.... the progression of how lust happens. We try so hard..... to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. For many it's seeking sexual fulfillment..... in another person or in pornographic images designed to feel like a real person. We look, stare, and fantasize. And once our eyes are captured by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. Then we act on.... our lust.

Most are aware of the lust for sexual fulfillment, but what about the lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition? We see what others have and we want it. Our hearts are deceived into saying, "I could be happy if I only had this." Then we make the decision to go after it. But what want you to know is... lust always breeds more lust..... that seems to promise sheer satisfaction is more like...... a bottomless pit of unmet longings.

So right here now, Mista's 13 cents is going to expose lust for what it really is... a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. A warning light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing.... His love to fill you. ijs When our eyes are on Him... our actions will lead to lasting joy.... not to endless cycles of regret. 


Friday, July 6, 2012

Sex and the African American Community part 1



There’s a saying that living beings are creatures of habit….habits that we practice day in and day out with the chances of change being slim to none. From the time we leave our Mother’s womb, we are taught to develop our own habits….some of which are good…others…not so good.  

Under normal circumstances, we (Mista and I) wouldn’t point out the discrepancies of either race….but considering the severity of this subject, we have chosen to make an exception.  Not everyone will agree or even like this blog….and that’s fine…still, the information we found and OUR opinions will be posted.

Statistics show that 43% of Blacks/African Americans versus 15% of Whites DO NOT practice safe sex. As a result, 64% of Blacks/African Americans versus 18% of Whites contract STDs.  As a African American female, I find these stats overwhelming, sad and embarrassing.

I think it all starts at home. When ur parents have or DON’T have the sex talk with you.  You know…the one where they scare u into not having sex…telling you how you’ll get pregnant (girls) or get a disease (boys) or both.  Kmsl…Some parents even offer girls the pill….or offer boys condoms…just in case the talk doesn't work. lol  BUT, there are those who don’t talk to their kids…and they learn on their own…from the boy who loves them…or the girl who has more experience. 9 times out of 10, there are NO condoms used… because…they wanna feel it. 

You also, have other factors…. Like poverty and the environment. You have no money, so you sell your “goodies” to be able to pay bills…..you want drugs so you exchange ur “goodies” to get them….you supply the drugs but they have no money, so you allow them to give you “sexual” payments…. Most of which also DO NOT use condoms…and in these extreme circumstances, are when they should be used… IJS.

AND….let us not forget the circumstances when…(excuse me when I say this)…people are just plain STUPID and TRIFLING. They know all the consequences but they don’t care. They wanna feel it…they don’t wanna lose him…and a verbal “Im clean” is ok. Well…maybe they are/were…but what about the other 5 people they are caking “raw”…huh? What about them?

The bottom line is this…the African American community needs to wake up. Read. Educate each other. If we’re not killing each other with guns or whatever…we’re killing each other with sex. Things have gotta change….

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Dating your FRIEND's EX: Acceptable or NOT?


One of the eternal questions that plague some of us is….what are the rules about dating your friend’s ex? Is there some kind of code that says that once a person has been claimed by a member of your circle there is no way another can ever date them down the road? Is there a time frame from when they dated that makes them totally off limits to you? Let’s say they dated for six months. Does that mean you need to wait around another six until you can do anything? Until they're in another relationship…. and what happens if this is your best friend’s Ex… What are the rules then.......

Here's the scenario: Your friend is dating an amazing person. (And I’m talking about a real friend here, not a friend of a friend, a work friend or someone you see around who goes to all the same events as you.) The whole time your friend was dating this great person, you always made sure to tell your friend how lucky they were to have a partner like that. Every time you hung out with them in a group you guys really got along with each other. They were... so cool. And all you kept thinking was, “Why can’t I meet somebody like that?” And now... they've broken off their relationship...and the Big Question is "Can I Date My Friend's Ex? 


I truly believe that people are not possessions. I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care who broke up with whom. If I break up with someone -- and I have broken up and been broken up with a lot -- I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with them and even marrying them. A great relationship, and great chemistry between two people, can be rare to come by. 


Have I ever been in this situation? NO…..and personally I hope to never find myself lusting for my bestfriend’s Ex... lol… Let’s think of it like this ...we may not have a choice in our feelings, but, we do when it comes to our actions. So, if you are having feelings and you just got to explore dating your best friend’s ex, here's what Mista would do:


First, you need to confirm your feelings with them. (the ex)… Make sure you are both on the same page with each other. Once you’ve had that conversation… you’ll need to sit down with your friend….  You should be truthful and tell them what your friendship with them means to you... let them know that you respect them. THEN… ask them how they would feel if you started dating their ex. They may be fine with it. They may be upset and say, “F*ck you. Absolutely not.” 


Depending on how close your friendship is, this may be one of the toughest situations of your life. You’ll need to display complete and total honesty with yourself and ask yourself how serious you are about it (it’s OK if you don’t know yet, but you need to be honest). You need to be honest with this new person in your life and with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to have difficult conversations with two people you care about, knowing that those conversations won’t be safe or easy, will demonstrate what sort of a man or woman you are. Love is a Risk... Do it Anyway.  The old double edge sword.


KMSL!!!! Well…….


lol…Uh oh…here comes Ro… the Olympian of life….the finder of mistakes…the person who never has a drama free day….lmao 


Rules…or lack of….on dating ur best friend’s ex….hmmm…


In my opinion… there are no rules… there is a matter of respect. If you RESPECT your best friend, u WOULD NOT date their ex. No one ever tells EVERYTHING in their brain. And…although they say it’s cool…it’s really NOT. In the back of their head, they are always gonna think that you aren’t trustworthy around their mate….they won’t say it…but I can promise you…they will think it.  


Of course…I have experienced it.  I wasn’t the best friend…I was the ex. (sigh) Yeah…I did it….and it’s something I wouldn’t recommend.  (unless you don’t have a conscience) While I was in college, I dated this guy named ____....he had a girlfriend back at home…so…I was his “college girl”. We dated for years…and our love for each other was deep.  Well..his girlfriend got pregnant and he moved home…got married.  Although we kept in touch, it wasn’t the same…and…I moved on.  
Two years later, I moved to BR.  His roommate/best friend volunteered to show me around…take me under his wing.  As time went on, we started to date….and eventually became engaged.  This is when it got complicated…


I called to tell ____ that I was engaged.  He was happy! ….Until I said who it was. He was SO pissed. He said he felt betrayed and shocked… He never talked to his friend again and that basically ended their friendship. I tried to “fix” it…but to no avail.  


Was it worth it…yes and no. Yes…bc I have a beautiful daughter as a result… And, No…bc it ended a friendship at my expense. 


Everyone has different meanings of respect…and that’s fine…but before you do it, trade places with ur friend…imagine how you would feel…and then make that determination. Sometimes, It’s just not worth it…. IJS.