Being stubborn is not always bad...

Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Your priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded like the king piece on the chess board of life. But too often we debate over piddling things, like were to change the oil in the car or the choice of restaurants. It's so unfortunate stubbornness comes as a standard feature with in most relationships. But this blog issue.... I bring to the woman that wants to wed .. The ones that pray for a husband, but have little clue of a man's role in the relationship.

The relationship between a husband and a wife is meant to be one of respect, love and support. They are to help each other. A suitable helper with natural, physical, and emotional differences. Usually where one is weak, the other is strong. But, here lies the problem.... some women have a little doubt in God that are approaching the verge of chaos in the present day.

There are many contributing causes... but one I'm convinced most, for whatever reason, disrupt most relationships. I found root understanding in this verse... "like wise you husband, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered "~ Peter.

In this very brief verse, the finger squarely emphasizes on the man's responsibility prime role is that of intelligent leadership. God puts the responsibility of the man to exercise leadership within the home. This doesn't mean he's your daddy or your boss, but if you don't even respect him enough to allow him to influence you as a woman with the simple things like were to get oil changed in your car. Smh, how in hell will you ever choose to love him unconditionally. lol

You see.. If you can't respect a man's heart without monetary value, you won't ... truly ever love him ... as God have designed that very woman to be that suitable to helper. I want all lady's to know a Godfearing man won't ever ... yield his leadership, (thinking) that would fog the clear vision why he even fail in love with you... in the first place. He's not your daddy, but he should be able to influence his household ....and if not, he will soon ... distant you.

Let him love you as Jesus, so loved the church. Caring for the woman's well-being, and protecting her both physically and spiritually.

….. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.( Ephesians 5:22-24 ) As a married woman for the second time, I found new meaning in this scripture. Being raised in a two parent household for 23 years; only to spend my remaining time home under the direction of a single parent…. It made me question “how”… How can someone exist for 23 years with their spouse, supporting and submitting to them, and end up with literally nothing? After all, the Bible says submit….not be stupid….

So…I began my journey in life as a young adult…on a mission to never be that “broken woman.” I was independent, humble and no nonsense. Eventually, the day came that I became “a wife.” I took my vows seriously…or so I thought… I supported my husband in all his endeavors, I boosted his ego, I took care of home…the kids…placing everyone before myself….”I” ran the household. And I let him know it. Needless to say, that marriage ended…..and guess what, I still ended up with literally nothing! Really?! I asked aloud, “Lord…why? I did everything….why?” As I waited for His answer…I began to study my Bible more….started to really receive the Word He was giving me. Amongst the things I learned about myself…was the answer…There is no “me” in marriage….I was to become one with my spouse….and HE was to be Head of the Household…

….I swallowed my humble pie….made the changes I needed to make…and got married again. It started rocky…things were…(to me) far more difficult than the first. He did things “I” didn’t approve of…he said things “I” didn’t like…and he moved the household in the direction “I” didn’t wanna go. You already know, I fought him on it….lol But God stepped in and reminded me “order”…..reminded me that he was only doing as the Bible instructed. As hard as it was…I submitted to my husband….We prayed together…we communicated…and we overcame obstacles that only GOD could fix. I was often told that I was becoming weak…that I shouldn’t have to go to my husband for simple decisions….and as quickly as the words were spoken, they were shut down…

I said all that to say…women submit to your husband. Love him, support him, pray with him and for him….Do what aligns with the Word of God. You may not always understand…but trust that what God allows is always perfect!

Dating after Divorce

Today's blog is totally spontaneous, as most my bloggings are. Mista often laughs at the fact that I can sit and just write with little or no effort :) I think of it as a talent that I don't let go to waste....we oftentimes have talents that remain hidden....not knowing how it could change the lives of others...but, that's another blog :) Anywho...I was sitting here thinking of where I am (mentally) today vs. where I was almost a year ago. For those of you that have been through a divorce, you probably know what Im talking about. If you don't or u haven't been married before....baby let me tell u, it's not fun and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Divorce is both a blessing and a curse....a blessing because God allowed u to make it through it all AND is granting you a "do over." Not many people get second chances to make it right. A curse bc all the things u experienced during the marriage becomes a seed of doubt. You question everything- both right and wrong. The last thing you want is to make the same mistake AGAIN.

But eventually, you give in to being lonely and here comes dating.

Dating is NOT what it used to be! I say that emphatically.... Most men have downgraded from the "gentleman level" to "almost nice." No more opening the door...offering to pay for ur date...no more NOT expecting sex on the first date. Instead u get, an automatic unlock....maybe a paid meal, but u got the movie...and "can a brother make love to u or at least get some head???" kmsl Wow! Notice I did say most men... There are some that are still gentlemen....and sadly, they either are married or on another planet.

Well...lets just pretend u found a gentleman...how do u proceed? At what point do u start to trust again? For me, trust is earned. You start at ZERO and work urself up. Honesty goes hand and hand with trust. If ur honest, 9 times out of 10, ur trustworthy. You should NEVER jump right in to the next relationship. Just like u have issues, they do too...u wanna learn if their issues are something u can truly handle before u call urself making a commitment again. Take ur time. This is ur last do over. (hopefully)

And finally, have fun. Dating doesn't always have to lead to a relationship. It could also lead to a great friendship. Friendships sometimes last longer than relationships....besides, you should always be friends first. Communication is a key factor in both relationships and friendships.

So...there's my spill. Im not sure how or if Mista will respond...or what his thoughts are on dating after a divorce. Guess we'll see.

{Paging Mista}



Mista is from a different planet....

Chivalry didn't die.. I love opening the door for a lady and I insist on paying on our dinner dates. A man that has any intentions of being a good mate to you does not pressure you for sex when he meets you. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adios and don’t look back! lol....

In Genesis, did God say, "It is not good that the man should be alone...", but most confused singleness with being alone. Will there ever be a time, and has there ever been a time, you will cease to be separate, unique, and whole? If your answer is no, then the next question is: Does being in a relationship do away with this definition of being single? Being a single individual we should never stop..... being unique and whole. Until you are a separate, single, unique, and whole person you actually are not ready to be in a relationship!! (Never lose your Identity)

Relational issue arise most because a man or woman( or both) have not seen themselves as unique, worthy individuals, ie they have a bad self image, or they are schizophrenic in some way an not whole, or they are not separate but always depend on some other person to make them happy. What I am saying is that until you are truly single, relationships will be a difficult, and perhaps negative, experience. I think relationships gets better only when we become more single. 50/50 is no longer good enough we must be a whole person 100%.


Regaining Custody of Yourself first is the key after any divorce or break up. Custody of oneself does not mean declaring independence from the human race or establishing a policy of isolation in your own little world. It does not mean to become so self-centered that you declare love bankruptcy and close your trust company. Regaining custody of yourself means that you take responsibility for restoring your life according to God's principles and submit to His healing process. It means to take your roots out of other people and yet develop the freedom to share your fruit with them. It's when we put our trust in people like they are not going to hurt us.....smh we're human, think about it .............. yes we are going to lie, say ugly things to each other, make mistakes and yes hurt each other along with a host of other relational issues ... what did you expect, we're human.

But it's when we learn to allow God to love our chosen mate through us......... is when trust truly comes to love by choice and decisions. Understand that all feelings and emotions fluctuate. Even the strongest feelings of romantic love will wax and wane. At times, even the most ardent lovers can feel diminished love for each other. But within an upward fluctuating pattern, romantic love can constantly renew and build to higher levels.

Life After Divorce for me.... Regaining custody of myself and lessons learned to listen to the Exclusive Heart of the Woman......... She's careful who she choose as her mate..... so many questions she need to know and ask.... she needs it to be more than a feel good movement. She'll want me to hang around the family, to know how I will repond or will NOT respond to CONFLICT. She'll Make sure, she have things in COMMON with me, because she knows for when trouble rises that will only instigate division if she do not....she'll seek to know my values, evaluate how my past has affected me and to know how it will affect our RELATIONSHIP. Most of all IF IT DON'T WORK, She won't FORCE IT. She'll Get out before an EMOTIONAL attachment enables her to SETTLE, ACCEPT or deal with things she know are out of God's ORDER.. If I don't notice these thoughts within her than I know she's not like the Audience of One ROw..