How to Handle the Baby Mama: Part I: Me's Side

So...we've decided to break this up into sides. Mista's Side (the male view) and Me's Side (the female's view)... It's funny how men and women's views can be so alike but so different....lol  Here it goes....

The term "baby Mama" has been a bad word for as long as I can remember.  You immediately think crazy, deranged "bitch".....an

d in some cases...kmsl....that's putting it mildly.  It's unfortunate when parents can't work together for the good of the child...not only for the child but because it's the right thing to do. Not all parents work...and when they don't, they have to communicate bc eventually....ONE or BOTH of them will move on...A sad but true reality...

lol I am a "baby Mama" (twice)....and speaking as one, I have to set the record straight. "Not all of us are psycho....and not all of us want your man....we already had them... remember?" Ok. Moving along. There are three types of Baby Mamas: "Drama Mama", "Business Mama", and "Stupid Mama." Allow me to take a second and explain the dynamics on how to handle each...

Drama Mama- this is the one who is indeed crazy and deranged.  She got this way either bc she got played, got pregnant thinking she would keep him, or bc she wants him back. She uses the child as a weapon to hurt the Dad as well as a money maker.  Drama Mama feels like the world owes her and she is the victim.  How to handle her: 1) Deal with her as less as possible. Communication is not really required between the two of u until the other parent deems it necessary. 2) DO NOT think she's ur friend..chances are, she's using u to get information about him or u to be used for her own stupid reasons. 3) DO NOT underestimate her. She may be ghetto...but she's also sneaky and conniving. 4) DO NOT argue or talk bad in front of the child. That is STILL their mother. Nothing changes that. 5) If she puts her hands on u....KICK HER ASS (or if ur not a fighter- press charges) If she knows ur not intimidated, she's less likely to try u.

Business Mama- this is the one who is over ur man.  She communicates the child's progress and their happiness is what matters most.  She will call only when needed and chances are, she'll wanna meet u. How to handle her: 1) Be respectful.  She'll respect u as long as you respect her.  2) Communicate. Once she sees u have a genuine interest in the child, she will be more comfortable around you. 3) Know ur place. Yes, this is ur step or potential stepchild, but do not take the lead on decisions. If they allow you in on the decision...

4) Be honest. Honesty will go a long way with her.

Stupid Mama- this is the one who's confused. One minute she loves him, the next she wants nothing to do with him.  One minute she wants the child, the next she wants him to have them. She never has a steady boyfriend so she's always on an emotional rollercoaster.  How to handle her: 1) Be Consistent. Whatever you start...finish. Let her know that u will not change 2) Be supportive of the child. If the Mom is moody, so will the child.  3) Have some patience. Eventually most Stupid Mamas will become Business Mamas.

As with all cases...be supportive to ur mate. Trust his decisions. Communicate ur concerns and work with him as ONE. Being jealous or controlling will only make u miserable..and that's not a healthy relationship. Ur not a referee...ur the mate. Trust me...I've been there...I still am.

Time vs. Values: Should Changing Times Matter?

This morning on my way to work I thought back to the times money was short and times were hard.... Parents busted their butts to put food on the table and still managed to raise respectful, hardworking kids....kids with values. There was no such thing as child abuse...if you acted up in any way...(with ur parents, neighbors, or ANY elder for that case) u got a beatdown....PERIOD... Mates respected their spouses--and if they were stepping out, u never knew...

But gone are those days... (for most)...and I have to ask...Why? Why is this generation known as the dying breed....the generation of disrespect and cowardliness.... Why do the kids not wanna work or even know the value of their own word? Why is it "normal" to have a piece on the side? Because of  the changing times?  I mean seriously....Is that REALLY a valid reason?

Yes, Mothers and Fathers are younger.....Yes, there's the Internet and cell phones....Yes, there's MTV and BET... but these things don't live in the home.  Here I am almost 39 years old and I still refrain from "being an adult" in front of my parents.  I still say, yes ma'am and yes sir to my elders. I still respect children being present in the room. I still know that whatever I do, someone is watching....

I'm just saying...and while Im on the "watching" kick...since when is it ok to have someone on the side? Last time I checked, vows were meant NOT to be broken. Stepping out is not only blatant disrespect for urself and ur spouse, but it's also a set up for broken relationships with ur children.  Yeah...them too. Children see things...more than we give them credit to understand...and in turn, they become cheating spouses as well. It's a domino effect.

At what point do you allow changing times to interfere with values? I mean, I know children carry guns and parents don't allow other parents to spank their children, but, how does that affect YOUR home? Or does it? I can't speak for anyone else... but my girls are being taught the same values as I was. Marriage is sacred...good or bad, it's what you signed for. Either make it work or leave...and when or if  u do leave, make sure u don't have regrets. Once you leave things will never be the same. You WILL respect ur elders, you WILL carry urself as a child, you WILL answer yes ma'am and no sir, you WILL not talk back....and if you DO ANY of those things, you WILL get a beatdown.

I think...in the world we live in today...there's no exception for changing times...bc change is inevitable.  But when it comes to values...that is something that remains with you always...and should be passed down for generations to come. My children will NOT be known as children that make up the dying breed...they will be the EXAMPLE to that crowd. lol Call me old fashioned (Kanye shrug)....I'll take that charge.

Mista's 13.... Does Changing Times Matter?

In fact, it almost baffles me how we can say we want something... So Bad. We want this  house.... We want to be successful. We want this new car, recognition, marriage and we want this type of income , yet damn near barely ANYONE.... LIVES THEIR LIFE LIKE THEY ACTUALLY MEAN IT. We all walk around acting as if we've got freaking FOREVER to live our lives.

We get easily upset with our love ones, but yet we never take the time to figure out why? because we act like we've got forever to live. We bumble through our jobs not really knowing what our purpose is and just getting complacent more and more each day because we act like we've got forever to live. We half ass our way through challenges, we avoid pain and we seek pleasure because we act like we've got forever to live.

Well... I want to introduce an idea to you today on TIME vs VALUES ...... and ask you to take it very seriously. The real reason Me & Mista's Jones blog was started.... is because we're not here to show people how to govern their life. In fact, We could care less about that. We want your life to succeed INCREDIBLY and create your DREAMS in life for you and your family... but showing people how to govern their life is not our purpose in life. We're here to help you remember just how powerful you are and motivate you to really QUESTION what your specific purpose is here in life.

Does "Time vs. Values: Should Changing Times Matter?" I say this,  We've got ONE CHANCE. You do not get to repeat today. It's done. And you will not get to repeat tomorrow. That's done to. So, why not live this life with our full BEING. Why not live this life with as much love, as much care, as much passion, and COMPASSION as we possible can ? Why not discover what our purpose is while.... we are on this planet?

A Father's Blessing...

A mother's love can never be matched, but a father's importance should never be underestimated. Too many people make the mistake of thinking a girl needs her mother more than she needs her father and a boy needs his dad more than he needs his mother. The truth of the matter is that children need both parents equally. One parent can never compensate for the absence of the other.

A father's love is vital to a girl's development. A father's love should be a girl's first experience with love from a man. This special relationship allows a girl to experience unconditional love without ever being expected to perform sexually. She can hug and kiss her father, she can hold his hand, they can laugh and play together, they can even sit together and do absolutely nothing at all. He's there to provide for and protect her, and he always has her back. Ultimately... this is what every grown woman looks for in a man.

Dads who are emotionally or physically disconnected from their sons etch a huge question mark over their sons futures. What their sons are asking themselves is, Am I worthy of love and acceptance? As little boys grow into big boys, they spend the rest of their lives trying to answer that question. Ask a bunch of guys about their relationships with their dads, and they will either sprout a smile, be moved to tears, or display anger or indifference. The fact is that legacies of abandonment, disapproval, divorce, or anger rob boys of the "father blessing" and predispose them to self-destructive tendencies as grown men.

Make today... the day we establish new habits of guarding our generational responsibility and fight every day for every young man and woman.. When the fathers admonished their sons to be a man about it... they are encouraging them to rise up to a standard of manhood they already understood and when they are there for their daughters... they come to know womanhood unconditionally with conditions of true oneness. "A Father's Blessing".... wanted us to fulfill our full potential, to rise above..... our natural tendencies to take the easy way out.

   "A FATHER'S BLESSING... hmmm.. let's get the ME.... opinion of the blog... RO 

(thinking and clearing my throat)....Well Mista....I guess this is another agree to disagree...lol 


Most of my "childhood" was spent with both parents in the home.  My Dad was the breadwinner and my Mom maintained and reared us as she saw fit.  Yes...my Dad instilled some things in my life...but ultimately, it was my Mom who made me the woman I am today.

Do I agree with the fact that a father's love is vital to a girl's development? No. Do I agree that every woman looks for her father in a man? Absolutely not.  That point of view is what rings in the ears of people based on psychology, books and TV....but in REAL LIFE....A girl patterns herself by the acts of her MOTHER...the choices or lack of, the respect or lack of, the discipline etc. Does that mean essentially she will be "just like her Mother"? No...but the foundation is set.

My Dad's presence in my life was discipline, communication and hard knocks.  I respected him, I communicated with him and I learned the hard way with alot of things--he was the force that didn't hold my hand when I fell ( I got back up)...he was the force that said, "I'm only gonna tell you once" (and Imma beat that tail)...and yes, he was my protector.

Now...on the other hand....he helped raise my uncles.  They looked up to him.  They learned how to respect women...they learned how to work hard...and they learned doing nothing gets you nowhere. I FEEL that REAL MEN raise REAL MEN....but again, that's just my opinion.

I know individuals that have both parents and still aren't worth the lint in their pockets...lol...IJS. The blessing comes when the PARENT  OR PARENTS (bc it can be either) accepts the hand God has given them and allows HIM to guide and protect their legacy.  OUR FATHER....is the TRUE blessing.

...and that's Ro's response. lol