How to Handle the Baby Mama: Part I: Me's Side

So...we've decided to break this up into sides. Mista's Side (the male view) and Me's Side (the female's view)... It's funny how men and women's views can be so alike but so different....lol  Here it goes....

The term "baby Mama" has been a bad word for as long as I can remember.  You immediately think crazy, deranged "bitch".....an

d in some cases...kmsl....that's putting it mildly.  It's unfortunate when parents can't work together for the good of the child...not only for the child but because it's the right thing to do. Not all parents work...and when they don't, they have to communicate bc eventually....ONE or BOTH of them will move on...A sad but true reality...

lol I am a "baby Mama" (twice)....and speaking as one, I have to set the record straight. "Not all of us are psycho....and not all of us want your man....we already had them... remember?" Ok. Moving along. There are three types of Baby Mamas: "Drama Mama", "Business Mama", and "Stupid Mama." Allow me to take a second and explain the dynamics on how to handle each...

Drama Mama- this is the one who is indeed crazy and deranged.  She got this way either bc she got played, got pregnant thinking she would keep him, or bc she wants him back. She uses the child as a weapon to hurt the Dad as well as a money maker.  Drama Mama feels like the world owes her and she is the victim.  How to handle her: 1) Deal with her as less as possible. Communication is not really required between the two of u until the other parent deems it necessary. 2) DO NOT think she's ur friend..chances are, she's using u to get information about him or u to be used for her own stupid reasons. 3) DO NOT underestimate her. She may be ghetto...but she's also sneaky and conniving. 4) DO NOT argue or talk bad in front of the child. That is STILL their mother. Nothing changes that. 5) If she puts her hands on u....KICK HER ASS (or if ur not a fighter- press charges) If she knows ur not intimidated, she's less likely to try u.

Business Mama- this is the one who is over ur man.  She communicates the child's progress and their happiness is what matters most.  She will call only when needed and chances are, she'll wanna meet u. How to handle her: 1) Be respectful.  She'll respect u as long as you respect her.  2) Communicate. Once she sees u have a genuine interest in the child, she will be more comfortable around you. 3) Know ur place. Yes, this is ur step or potential stepchild, but do not take the lead on decisions. If they allow you in on the decision...

4) Be honest. Honesty will go a long way with her.

Stupid Mama- this is the one who's confused. One minute she loves him, the next she wants nothing to do with him.  One minute she wants the child, the next she wants him to have them. She never has a steady boyfriend so she's always on an emotional rollercoaster.  How to handle her: 1) Be Consistent. Whatever you start...finish. Let her know that u will not change 2) Be supportive of the child. If the Mom is moody, so will the child.  3) Have some patience. Eventually most Stupid Mamas will become Business Mamas.

As with all cases...be supportive to ur mate. Trust his decisions. Communicate ur concerns and work with him as ONE. Being jealous or controlling will only make u miserable..and that's not a healthy relationship. Ur not a referee...ur the mate. Trust me...I've been there...I still am.

3 Stages of a Successful Relationship: Preparing for ur Mate, Loving ur Mate, and Keeping ur Mate (Part I)

Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long-term maintenance is costly as well. It is similar with a relationship. To love, to miss, and to need may make one smile. But to maintain the smile day after day plants the seed of belief to share it all back much more frequently to be special.

Most find it easy to list what they want in a mate. However, what about your own qualities? What traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful relationship? What type of husband or wife will you be ? Do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always defensive when corrected? Are you generally cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?

Marriage will not change your personality. If you are proud, oversensitive, manipulative, or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married. You see... first you must gain custody of yourself first by Knowing God's will. What I am convinced of is this... God's will is that you become the person He desires, and not that you become obsessed with your search for the One. With that being said, His will leads us to be a certain person, the son or daughter He wants to He wants to spend eternity with.

Once you take your eyes off your search for the One, you'll be better equipped to recognize what kind of person He intends you to be. At that point, whoever you choose to marry will be God's will, because you'll be following Him first.

 Preparing for ur Mate....hmmmmm....

I think everyone is in need of a "person".  The person who will cater to them, support them, not take them for granted and love them unconditionally.  Some of us have a checklist of what will be acceptable or what is not....while others believe it's okay to simply exist.  But, the question we should all have in our head is, are we truly ready for a mate?

Being alone is uncomplicated.... it doesn't require compromise, or effort...and when u just don't feel like being bothered,  there's no one there to say otherwise.  Yet...on the otherside...being alone is lonely....it's uneventful...and at some point, u want the void of emptiness to be fulfilled. Which side would you prefer?
Or...does it even matter?

Preparing for you mate, I feel, starts with you.  Before you can make anyone else happy, you have to be happy with self.  You have to alter ur thought processes....learn to compromise...be transparent. The preparation you put into it  will determine what u'll get out of it.  Don't fool urself thinking you can jump in head first and receive automatic success. That's simply not true.

Preparation requires the following:

1. Communication from both mates- are we jumping the gun....likes....dislikes...what's hindering the relationship...
2. Expectations- what do you expect to gain from this relationship...what is expected of ur mate....
3. Compromise- from those expectations, what are you willing to give up or can u not give up something but alter it instead...
4. Think outside the box- don't just think today....think about the future..

We make time for the things we want....and for everything else...we make excuses. 

How do you love me....let me count the ways...

It seems as though we go through life wondering if our mates, our children, and our friends love us. We feel insecure about the other people in our lives, and we're not sure where we stand. Even though we tell and show the people in our lives that we love, them they don't seem to catch the answer because they're always reaching out to test our love for them.

Sometimes our children wear crazy clothes, put rings in their ears, tattoo their body's, become involved in same sex act, or use foul language to see if we really love them. Yes, relationships bonded by love has a price.... not always to the extreme, but a cost of time, energy, commitment, money, and devotion.

 Selfish people take without giving back, but a true lover of your smile will always be giving and giving and giving. Is there someone in your life who is asking this very basic question..." Do you love me?" What is your reply? Let your family know again that you love them. Look them straight in the eyes... and say it " Yes.. I do .. love you! Let your words and actions show those around you that you love them..

I once heard someone say, "...a man would rather a woman EXPRESS they respect them vs. hearing a woman SAY they love them" and I wondered how could that be possible? But, the more I thought of it...it made perfect sense.  LOVE is an action word.  Not only do we speak the existence of love, but we express it through our actions.....

Although love is an action....and we go through great lengths to SHOW our love....it can still reflect as an uncertainty.  Why? Because everyone has their view of what love SHOULD BE. For example...most women like to HEAR the words, "I love you".... Most men like to SEE expressions of love... and most children determine the degree of love by how much time you spend with them and on them.  How will you know which applies? lol You won't!

There will always be tests of love....there will always be uncertainty....no matter how hard u try...no matter how far you extend urself....but at the end to the day....the people you love and who love you most, will appreciate and know WITHOUT DOUBT, that you truly LOVE them.

Thank You...

The Authors (Me and Mista) of this blog, would like to thank you for your CONTINUOUS and FAITHFUL support of our blog. Although we very rarely have comments, the numbers are humbling.  If there is ever a subject you would like to see presented, if u would like to share how our blog made a difference in your life, or if you would ever like to contribute, please....let either of us know.  Our emails are listed below.


Sincerely,
Me and Mista Jones

Ro- msckone@gmail.com
Mista-timjnz13@gmail.com

Do We Need A Family Philosophy Overhaul?

Couples who have chosen to have children need a philosophy overhaul. When deciding how to raise the kids, here's a simple rule of thumb. Children need to be raised, and the only way that becomes possible is by spending quality time with them.

In doing so, oneness will flourish the spiritual temperature and your children will be given a consistent picture of the standards you require. I often hear how hard it is to make it off only one income, and that may be completely true, but if you can't afford to spend more quality time with your family and raise your children, you may need to change how you think of your need for material things. Reevaluate your priorities. Consider buying a smaller home, purchasing less expensive cars, or resisting the urge to buy name brand goods.

If you just have to compete with the Joneses, have a contest to see who can spend the most quality time with their family. With this in mind, note that your kids have secret powers they can unleash to battle the things of this world. You have them as well, but they might have been neglected because no one helped you develop them. Even so, help your children develop the secret power of their spiritual gifts, talents, skills, and ability.

Help your family by spending the quality time to learn the power available in the truth of Scripture. Work as team to help your children grow into the incredible kids God intends them to be.. Do it Together. Overhauling My Philosophy as we speak... Mista is taking the boys on a little road trip to South Padre.



"All money is not good money."  Growing up that was a term I heard over and over again but didn't really understand the meaning.  As a child, I thought "money is money"....and of course you could never have too much of that! lol But, as I got older and had children of my own, I could appreciate and understand it's meaning. What's the use in having money that you have no time to spend....or better yet, what's the use of having money and no happiness?

Memories cannot be bought or repeated...once they happen they are gone. Yes...she can model the dress she wore for prom, but u won't see the look of nervousness in her eyes when her date appeared.... Yes....he can tell you about the winning touchdown....but you won't be able to see the expression of victory he felt AT THAT MOMENT.... No...you were working EXTRA hours to buy more things that they don't need. And...if you asked them which would they prefer, I'd bet my last dollar they would prefer you being a part of that special moment.

Am I saying you should be broke and living in poverty to spend time with ur kids? No.  What Im saying is, material things come and go, but family is forever.

I'll never forget my first Christmas as a single parent. I had limited funds but I spent as much as I could. I felt bad because my kids were always able to get the things they wanted plus some.  I just knew they would be down and I had ruined their Christmas. While they opened their gifts, I watched their faces....waiting for a frown to appear. They only had 4 gifts a piece...and on the last one, I said..."Im sorry girls...Mama had to pay bills first." and begin to cry. The girls came to me and hugged me and said, "Don't cry Mama. It doesn't matter...we have you." We cried together for a minute and laughed and talked the rest of the night. That was a night I will never forget...

I said all that to say this. Our kids feed from us.  They learn the value of money...the value of respect...the value of family... it's up to US to instill the proper "philosophy" of life in them. ....."But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33)

Have You Notice A Virtuous Woman?

The Bible speaks of the “virtuous woman”. Who is she? How does God in His Word describe her? Does she pray faithfully each day? Is she used in the gifts of the Holy Spirit? Does she consistently do daily Bible study and have regular devotional times? The answer? — None of these traits is listed in God’s most extensive Scriptural description of virtuous women.

Please go with me to the Bible’s grand description of the godly woman in the eyes of God — that is, Proverbs 31:10-31, quoted from the NIV and, where so noted, from the King James Version (KJV).

Proverbs 31:10, KJV Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Vs. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. A virtuous woman inspires absolute confidence in her husband. He can “safely trust in her” (KJV). She is not impetuous, scatterbrained, or unpredictable. Rather, she can be trusted. Her husband can be confident in her. She will never deliberately let him down.

Vs. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Vs. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

Vs. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

Vs. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

Vs. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Vs. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Vs. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

Vs. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

Vs. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Vs. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Vs. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Vs. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Vs. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Vs. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Vs. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Vs. 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

Vs. 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Vs. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

She not only stimulates her husbands mind but adds the flavor of wisdom to his world. Her wisdom holds the key.... to her man's possessing honor, success, power, long life, and wealth.... not just materially, but spiritually and emotionally as well. A wellspring of good suggestions and worthy advice, offerin them only when appropriate. The frequency of this woman...... lies in her stability and loyalty being that she's so devoted, a romantic that's somewhat possessive. With a sensual nature that has a way of erasing any mistakes!

Keep in mind that this wise woman never flaunts her wisdom, no ... she equips her man to feel wise. One of the most incredible attributes a woman inherited from our heavenly Father is the gift of creativity. A woman has the natural ability to take nothing and turn it into something beautiful. Use this gift wisely to create smiles, good feelings, and confidence in your man. 

Ladies be a treasure chest loaded with deliciously good things. Your man's dreamweaver, that cultivate his dreams to life, blend your touch into the fabric of his deepest longings. Know this is the secret........ to remaining the woman of his dreams. An endless supply of pleasant surprises. Have you noticed a virtuous woman? I've seen Her..

Lust...Love...and Being in Love: Part III of the Series on Love

I reach…deep into his soul…invading the darkness…replacing it with light.  I see…the bars surrounding his heart…the veins shackled down…struggling to break free. I look…for the key…for some form of release…of the pain he must feel…and…I cannot imagine him bearing it all alone. He is…my personal rubix cube…teasing and testing my brain beyond his limits…. Because…I want to…defeat him…defeat the battle within him…I want him to know that…He is…perfect in every way. I want US to…accept together…that WE don’t walk in anyone else’s shadows…He is the bone and I am the flesh….so we only exist as ONE.

That poem is a true depiction of how being in love really feels… being in love has no boundaries. You will go to the ends of the Earth only to return and go again. YOUR person will never fall because you are there to catch them. They are your world. That’s how you know when you are IN LOVE.

Is there a difference between, LOVE and being IN LOVE? Absolutely. Love…you are capable of walking away… In Love…no matter what that person says or does, u will never leave. You can love someone and hurt them…but truly being in love with someone, you will hurt before they do….and that’s truth.

…..it’s a process. The first time you lay eyes on someone….u LUST for them. You want them in ur space. You want to explore every inch of their body…you want to fulfill their EVERY SEXUAL need…  Then, as time progresses and you begin to spend time with them, …..you begin to LOVE. U appreciate not only their body but their mind.  U want to learn more about them as a person…..still…at any point and time, u can walk away.  This is where most relationships end. And finally, you fall IN LOVE. You love everything about them…mind, body and soul.  They make you feel complete. You cannot imagine life without them.  THIS feeling, is a feeling u will never forget. Even when one of you leaves this Earth…this love will never fail.

I hope you enjoyed our series on Love.  We try to bring u topics and present them to u where we talk TO YOU, not AT YOU. And…as long as you keep reading…we’ll keep bringing it.



IN LOVE.. hmph!! What we read, hear, and watch seems to fall so short of what true love really is. As a young baby, I enter the world with much love bestowed on me by my parents and grandparents. Although they made such a fuss over us as babies and gave us so much attention, somewhere along the way we seemed to lose grasp of the concept of committing to love no matter what.

Through the years we've gone from a decision to love to a feeling of love. Think of it like a child is born... and even though the child has only been in this world for a moment.... the love is unconditional from the moment the mother and child lay eyes on each other... would you agree. But yet we have lost our focus with confusing signals regarding love.... we fall in and out of love..... we can give it a trial run... smh no wonder we're confused when we get real serious about true love.

Mista's cry is that love is much more than a warm puppy. It is an unselfish decision to love and honor your commitment to another person and to God... IN .. is Action.. So get to work, because in love isn't something you fall in, but something you do on purpose daily..

Lust...Love...and Being in Love: Part II of the Series on Love

I could say that you complete me…that I can’t live without you…that Im nothing without you... But, the truth is, we complete each other…I live because you make life worth living…and Im more WITH you than WITHOUT you.. I realize that no love is the same…and the love we share can only exist with US.

Love. Love is a very powerful word.  Its four letters hold high merits but receives low praise. It is slandered…used…abused….yet, it still holds true to form and STANDS... Many other words (such as lust and like) often try to imitate LOVE but they fail…

Love doesn’t have to be reciprocated. Your love for someone can surpass their every expectation and they not even know.  That alone is a sad reality.  Do I know what it feels like to love? Yes. I love my children…I love my children’s Fathers…I love my family…my friends…..and you know what? All of them are loved in a different way!

OMG…smh…love is the master chameleon. You can just love the mere thought of it and think ur in love. lol But u know what Ive learned? Ive learned that it’s easy to walk away from love. You know why? Because LOVE is simply a learned emotion.

….you ever heard someone say, I love that outfit!!! Or I love that car!!! ….and after they said it, they just walk away? That ALONE should let u know that LOVE is not what it seems. Now…what follows love is what seals the deal…what’s really real….is being IN LOVE. You ready for that???? lol Stay tuned.

Mista 13 cents..

If someone were to ask me, "Why do you love her?" When most men would mention her beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.

But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of these things. Would you still love them? Based on all the answers above from most... the only logical response would be "no" if your reasons for loving her ...... all have something to do with his or her qualities.... and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear.... your basis for love is over.

But back to why I love her... truth is this....love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love. In this is love, not that I loved, but that God's love is a choice, He makes completely on His own. It's something I receive from Him and then share with her. "We love, because He first loved us". Meaning to unconditional give love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things does not come from within. It can only come from God.

And thankfully... by your choice... it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it to share it.... and then you will know the true love... that you will no longer say, I love you because... You will now say, I love you(her), PERIOD... 

Sex and the African American Community part 2

Is it best to shield children from any mention of sexual matters? NO. It is better to teach your kids about sex yourself.... if not the streets will..

There is nothing shameful about discussing sex in a proper context. The "Mosaic Law" mentioned a number of sexual matters, about the dangers of sexual immorality including menstruation, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and incest. Some parents seem to think that if they protect their kids from it by them not knowing they'll be safe, but that is so far from the truth.

 So if your question is... does such teaching lead children to commit immorality? Well...Think of it like this "by knowledge are the righteous rescued." Do you not want to rescue your children from this world's influences? Key word>> "World's Influences"... that's right... homosexuality is a learned behavior... but some tend to accuse and excuse by saying I was born like this.. NOT! That goes for all sexual sins.

Furthermore, immorality is contrasted with the satisfaction of sexual pleasure in its proper setting, within marriage. Is Mista judging... OH NO!! I'm only sharing Truth... I've fallen short many times myself when it comes sexual purity.. so... I won't be making anymore accusations or excuses. Teach your kids.. that way, when they hear other children talking about sex, they're not curious. There's no big mystery.

Lust...Love...and Being in Love: Part I of the Series on Love

This is the FIRST of THREE in our series about LOVE.  We will attempt...yes attempt...(because not everyone will agree or understand the dynamics of what we are going to cover) to give some clarity about the three things people encounter in their journey to "secure" love.  When I say secure, I mean grasp the TRUE concept of what LOVE really is.

The first thing you encounter is LUST. Lust is the physical portion of any relationship.  It can be the beginning  of TRUE love or the ending of what you thought to be a 'perfect' relationship. Lust is an evil, deceptive lil creature with hella seductive ways...and if you don't watch it...lust can end ur life. (so you'd better wrap it up...lol...IJS)

Lust is commonly confused with love and often the words are used interchangeably. But...make no mistake, love and lust are two separate beings...and should be treated accordingly.  If u lust behind someone, u are simply fulfilling ur physical desires. Meaning, if that person walked out of ur life today, the only thing u would miss are the "cookies"....

Yes...cookies are goood.....and even better with milk...lol...but cookies aren't a complete meal. Lust is just the dessert portion of the meal.... and we know that ALOT of people skip dessert...kmsl... Now...how do u find out if ur the meal or the dessert? Simple...

Scenario one:
Women....First...Tell ur Boo Elvira has made a suprise appearance... and then make plans for the weekend.  If he still agrees to come...it's probably a lil more than lust. No man will spend an entire weekend with JUST A JUMPOFF.

Scenario two:
Men...Ask ur Girl to meet u during the daytime for lunch. And...after lunch is over, ask her to do something spontaneous like take a walk in the park.  If she agrees....it's probably more than lust...No one wants to be seen in public with JUST A BOOTY CALL.

The bottom line, lust is just the polite word for fu**....because honestly, with lust no one gives a fu**. Although...in rare instances...lust can sometimes lead to love... Hmm....stay tuned.

Mista?

Hmph... I say, "Lust is in opposition to love" It kind of like setting your heart and passions on something forbidden. From eyes to heart to action..... And then follows shame and regret. That's just about.... the progression of how lust happens. We try so hard..... to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. For many it's seeking sexual fulfillment..... in another person or in pornographic images designed to feel like a real person. We look, stare, and fantasize. And once our eyes are captured by curiosity, our hearts become entangled. Then we act on.... our lust.

Most are aware of the lust for sexual fulfillment, but what about the lust after possessions or power or prideful ambition? We see what others have and we want it. Our hearts are deceived into saying, "I could be happy if I only had this." Then we make the decision to go after it. But what want you to know is... lust always breeds more lust..... that seems to promise sheer satisfaction is more like...... a bottomless pit of unmet longings.

So right here now, Mista's 13 cents is going to expose lust for what it really is... a misguided thirst for satisfaction that only God can fulfill. A warning light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you to the fact that you are not allowing.... His love to fill you. ijs When our eyes are on Him... our actions will lead to lasting joy.... not to endless cycles of regret. 

Sex and the African American Community part 1

There’s a saying that living beings are creatures of habit….habits that we practice day in and day out with the chances of change being slim to none. From the time we leave our Mother’s womb, we are taught to develop our own habits….some of which are good…others…not so good.  

Under normal circumstances, we (Mista and I) wouldn’t point out the discrepancies of either race….but considering the severity of this subject, we have chosen to make an exception.  Not everyone will agree or even like this blog….and that’s fine…still, the information we found and OUR opinions will be posted.

Statistics show that 43% of Blacks/African Americans versus 15% of Whites DO NOT practice safe sex. As a result, 64% of Blacks/African Americans versus 18% of Whites contract STDs.  As a African American female, I find these stats overwhelming, sad and embarrassing.

I think it all starts at home. When ur parents have or DON’T have the sex talk with you.  You know…the one where they scare u into not having sex…telling you how you’ll get pregnant (girls) or get a disease (boys) or both.  Kmsl…Some parents even offer girls the pill….or offer boys condoms…just in case the talk doesn't work. lol  BUT, there are those who don’t talk to their kids…and they learn on their own…from the boy who loves them…or the girl who has more experience. 9 times out of 10, there are NO condoms used… because…they wanna feel it. 

You also, have other factors…. Like poverty and the environment. You have no money, so you sell your “goodies” to be able to pay bills…..you want drugs so you exchange ur “goodies” to get them….you supply the drugs but they have no money, so you allow them to give you “sexual” payments…. Most of which also DO NOT use condoms…and in these extreme circumstances, are when they should be used… IJS.

AND….let us not forget the circumstances when…(excuse me when I say this)…people are just plain STUPID and TRIFLING. They know all the consequences but they don’t care. They wanna feel it…they don’t wanna lose him…and a verbal “Im clean” is ok. Well…maybe they are/were…but what about the other 5 people they are caking “raw”…huh? What about them?

The bottom line is this…the African American community needs to wake up. Read. Educate each other. If we’re not killing each other with guns or whatever…we’re killing each other with sex. Things have gotta change….

Dating your FRIEND's EX: Acceptable or NOT?

One of the eternal questions that plague some of us is….what are the rules about dating your friend’s ex? Is there some kind of code that says that once a person has been claimed by a member of your circle there is no way another can ever date them down the road? Is there a time frame from when they dated that makes them totally off limits to you? Let’s say they dated for six months. Does that mean you need to wait around another six until you can do anything? Until they're in another relationship…. and what happens if this is your best friend’s Ex… What are the rules then.......

Here's the scenario: Your friend is dating an amazing person. (And I’m talking about a real friend here, not a friend of a friend, a work friend or someone you see around who goes to all the same events as you.) The whole time your friend was dating this great person, you always made sure to tell your friend how lucky they were to have a partner like that. Every time you hung out with them in a group you guys really got along with each other. They were... so cool. And all you kept thinking was, “Why can’t I meet somebody like that?” And now... they've broken off their relationship...and the Big Question is "Can I Date My Friend's Ex? 


I truly believe that people are not possessions. I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care who broke up with whom. If I break up with someone -- and I have broken up and been broken up with a lot -- I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with them and even marrying them. A great relationship, and great chemistry between two people, can be rare to come by. 


Have I ever been in this situation? NO…..and personally I hope to never find myself lusting for my bestfriend’s Ex... lol… Let’s think of it like this ...we may not have a choice in our feelings, but, we do when it comes to our actions. So, if you are having feelings and you just got to explore dating your best friend’s ex, here's what Mista would do:


First, you need to confirm your feelings with them. (the ex)… Make sure you are both on the same page with each other. Once you’ve had that conversation… you’ll need to sit down with your friend….  You should be truthful and tell them what your friendship with them means to you... let them know that you respect them. THEN… ask them how they would feel if you started dating their ex. They may be fine with it. They may be upset and say, “F*ck you. Absolutely not.” 


Depending on how close your friendship is, this may be one of the toughest situations of your life. You’ll need to display complete and total honesty with yourself and ask yourself how serious you are about it (it’s OK if you don’t know yet, but you need to be honest). You need to be honest with this new person in your life and with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to have difficult conversations with two people you care about, knowing that those conversations won’t be safe or easy, will demonstrate what sort of a man or woman you are. Love is a Risk... Do it Anyway.  The old double edge sword.


KMSL!!!! Well…….


lol…Uh oh…here comes Ro… the Olympian of life….the finder of mistakes…the person who never has a drama free day….lmao 


Rules…or lack of….on dating ur best friend’s ex….hmmm…


In my opinion… there are no rules… there is a matter of respect. If you RESPECT your best friend, u WOULD NOT date their ex. No one ever tells EVERYTHING in their brain. And…although they say it’s cool…it’s really NOT. In the back of their head, they are always gonna think that you aren’t trustworthy around their mate….they won’t say it…but I can promise you…they will think it.  


Of course…I have experienced it.  I wasn’t the best friend…I was the ex. (sigh) Yeah…I did it….and it’s something I wouldn’t recommend.  (unless you don’t have a conscience) While I was in college, I dated this guy named ____....he had a girlfriend back at home…so…I was his “college girl”. We dated for years…and our love for each other was deep.  Well..his girlfriend got pregnant and he moved home…got married.  Although we kept in touch, it wasn’t the same…and…I moved on.  
Two years later, I moved to BR.  His roommate/best friend volunteered to show me around…take me under his wing.  As time went on, we started to date….and eventually became engaged.  This is when it got complicated…


I called to tell ____ that I was engaged.  He was happy! ….Until I said who it was. He was SO pissed. He said he felt betrayed and shocked… He never talked to his friend again and that basically ended their friendship. I tried to “fix” it…but to no avail.  


Was it worth it…yes and no. Yes…bc I have a beautiful daughter as a result… And, No…bc it ended a friendship at my expense. 


Everyone has different meanings of respect…and that’s fine…but before you do it, trade places with ur friend…imagine how you would feel…and then make that determination. Sometimes, It’s just not worth it…. IJS.

When is love NOT enough? How do you continue to sacrifice YOUR happiness for your partners?

You may have accepted the idea that love, in its purest and most exalted form, consists of sacrificing yourself to your loved one, dutifully putting your partner’s needs, welfare, wants, and values ahead of your own and giving up values that are personally important to you. But the code of sacrifice promises happiness by advocating a contradiction: the demand that one give up that which makes happiness possible. But Mista is thinking that... “Love is not self-sacrifice, but the most profound assertion of your own needs and values. It is for your own happiness that you need the person you love, and that is the greatest compliment, the greatest tribute you can pay to that person.” 

Aww.... Mista got you thinking now.....think of it like this .... being egoistic means that you have an ego, a self--that you are secure in your own person, that you have a firm sense of your own identity and pursue your own values. Romantic love is the most selfish of all emotions. It means that you care deeply about your partner’s welfare and happiness. Your loved one is an irreplaceable personal treasure, a mirror of yourself. Without that person there would be a huge void in your life. Love is neither sacrifice nor exploitation, and you selfishly enjoy doing things to please your partner. It’s a relationship in which both parties are happy because they both get what they want.

 So.. when is love NOT enough? And how do you continue to sacrifice YOUR happiness for your partners? Love can be sustained only by the constant, active process of thinking. You must think about and plan what actions are needed to make your relationship with your partner prosper in both the short and the long run, then take the requisite action. Think of your relationship as a garden. Growing a garden isn't possible by just loving it; it has to be cultivated or the plants will slowly wither and die. Cultivating a garden is an ongoing process requiring continuous thought and action. The same is true of love and romantic relationships.

Mista's 13: If you do not see a future with your mate, then don't have a present with them. You can't ... The only reason to continue a relationship is because you believe that there is a future in it. ... You should be with a mate who is mature enough to be honest with you....  just having a relationship is not worth sacrificing your happiness.


Well Mista....I can honestly say, Ive asked myself that question before....I've sacrificed my happiness for someone else.... and the ending wasn't pretty. As a matter of fact, Im STILL recovering...Im still tryna find ME....

LOVE...sigh...L.O.V.E is....Loving Others Vicariously Everyday....L.O.V.E is Living an Oblivious Vision for Everyone (except self)....LOVE is a selfless act that we wish could be reciprocated but most often times is not.

When is love not enough? It's not enough at the cost of losing self...self respect....self love...self esteem. Love is not enough when there's only ONE person who TRULY loves. 

So many of us live daily....love daily...tirelessly...with a mate who fails to return the love we give to them.  And sadly...it makes no difference....because when you LOVE someone...you will do whatever it takes to make that person happy.  You will risk ur OWN happiness for them.  Does it make it right? Absolutely not...but it's reality.

Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is not really a sacrifice.... This is something you want to do...this something you feel like needs to be done.  So....you do. 

But Im here to tell you....SOMETIMES LOVE ISN'T ENOUGH. Sometimes you have to think about SELF....I spent the last 3 years of my marriage for others. I was miserable. I not only lost myself, but also any visions I had regarding myself.  All I could think about was making everyone happy.  It was a dark and lonely place in my life...a place I will never go again...

If you THINK love isn't enough....it's likely it's NOT. You have to make a decision...who do you love more....the person who doesn't love you enough to reciprocate....or urself??? I know who I chose.