How to Handle the Baby Mama: Part I: Me's Side

So...we've decided to break this up into sides. Mista's Side (the male view) and Me's Side (the female's view)... It's funny how men and women's views can be so alike but so different....lol  Here it goes....

The term "baby Mama" has been a bad word for as long as I can remember.  You immediately think crazy, deranged "bitch".....an

d in some cases...kmsl....that's putting it mildly.  It's unfortunate when parents can't work together for the good of the child...not only for the child but because it's the right thing to do. Not all parents work...and when they don't, they have to communicate bc eventually....ONE or BOTH of them will move on...A sad but true reality...

lol I am a "baby Mama" (twice)....and speaking as one, I have to set the record straight. "Not all of us are psycho....and not all of us want your man....we already had them... remember?" Ok. Moving along. There are three types of Baby Mamas: "Drama Mama", "Business Mama", and "Stupid Mama." Allow me to take a second and explain the dynamics on how to handle each...

Drama Mama- this is the one who is indeed crazy and deranged.  She got this way either bc she got played, got pregnant thinking she would keep him, or bc she wants him back. She uses the child as a weapon to hurt the Dad as well as a money maker.  Drama Mama feels like the world owes her and she is the victim.  How to handle her: 1) Deal with her as less as possible. Communication is not really required between the two of u until the other parent deems it necessary. 2) DO NOT think she's ur friend..chances are, she's using u to get information about him or u to be used for her own stupid reasons. 3) DO NOT underestimate her. She may be ghetto...but she's also sneaky and conniving. 4) DO NOT argue or talk bad in front of the child. That is STILL their mother. Nothing changes that. 5) If she puts her hands on u....KICK HER ASS (or if ur not a fighter- press charges) If she knows ur not intimidated, she's less likely to try u.

Business Mama- this is the one who is over ur man.  She communicates the child's progress and their happiness is what matters most.  She will call only when needed and chances are, she'll wanna meet u. How to handle her: 1) Be respectful.  She'll respect u as long as you respect her.  2) Communicate. Once she sees u have a genuine interest in the child, she will be more comfortable around you. 3) Know ur place. Yes, this is ur step or potential stepchild, but do not take the lead on decisions. If they allow you in on the decision...

4) Be honest. Honesty will go a long way with her.

Stupid Mama- this is the one who's confused. One minute she loves him, the next she wants nothing to do with him.  One minute she wants the child, the next she wants him to have them. She never has a steady boyfriend so she's always on an emotional rollercoaster.  How to handle her: 1) Be Consistent. Whatever you start...finish. Let her know that u will not change 2) Be supportive of the child. If the Mom is moody, so will the child.  3) Have some patience. Eventually most Stupid Mamas will become Business Mamas.

As with all cases...be supportive to ur mate. Trust his decisions. Communicate ur concerns and work with him as ONE. Being jealous or controlling will only make u miserable..and that's not a healthy relationship. Ur not a referee...ur the mate. Trust me...I've been there...I still am.

3 Stages of a Successful Relationship: Preparing for ur Mate, Loving ur Mate, and Keeping ur Mate (Part I)

Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long-term maintenance is costly as well. It is similar with a relationship. To love, to miss, and to need may make one smile. But to maintain the smile day after day plants the seed of belief to share it all back much more frequently to be special.

Most find it easy to list what they want in a mate. However, what about your own qualities? What traits do you have that will help you contribute to a successful relationship? What type of husband or wife will you be ? Do you freely admit your mistakes and accept advice, or are you always defensive when corrected? Are you generally cheerful and optimistic, or do you tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?

Marriage will not change your personality. If you are proud, oversensitive, manipulative, or overly pessimistic when single, you will be the same when married. You see... first you must gain custody of yourself first by Knowing God's will. What I am convinced of is this... God's will is that you become the person He desires, and not that you become obsessed with your search for the One. With that being said, His will leads us to be a certain person, the son or daughter He wants to He wants to spend eternity with.

Once you take your eyes off your search for the One, you'll be better equipped to recognize what kind of person He intends you to be. At that point, whoever you choose to marry will be God's will, because you'll be following Him first.

 Preparing for ur Mate....hmmmmm....

I think everyone is in need of a "person".  The person who will cater to them, support them, not take them for granted and love them unconditionally.  Some of us have a checklist of what will be acceptable or what is not....while others believe it's okay to simply exist.  But, the question we should all have in our head is, are we truly ready for a mate?

Being alone is uncomplicated.... it doesn't require compromise, or effort...and when u just don't feel like being bothered,  there's no one there to say otherwise.  Yet...on the otherside...being alone is lonely....it's uneventful...and at some point, u want the void of emptiness to be fulfilled. Which side would you prefer?
Or...does it even matter?

Preparing for you mate, I feel, starts with you.  Before you can make anyone else happy, you have to be happy with self.  You have to alter ur thought processes....learn to compromise...be transparent. The preparation you put into it  will determine what u'll get out of it.  Don't fool urself thinking you can jump in head first and receive automatic success. That's simply not true.

Preparation requires the following:

1. Communication from both mates- are we jumping the gun....likes....dislikes...what's hindering the relationship...
2. Expectations- what do you expect to gain from this relationship...what is expected of ur mate....
3. Compromise- from those expectations, what are you willing to give up or can u not give up something but alter it instead...
4. Think outside the box- don't just think today....think about the future..

We make time for the things we want....and for everything else...we make excuses. 

How do you love me....let me count the ways...

It seems as though we go through life wondering if our mates, our children, and our friends love us. We feel insecure about the other people in our lives, and we're not sure where we stand. Even though we tell and show the people in our lives that we love, them they don't seem to catch the answer because they're always reaching out to test our love for them.

Sometimes our children wear crazy clothes, put rings in their ears, tattoo their body's, become involved in same sex act, or use foul language to see if we really love them. Yes, relationships bonded by love has a price.... not always to the extreme, but a cost of time, energy, commitment, money, and devotion.

 Selfish people take without giving back, but a true lover of your smile will always be giving and giving and giving. Is there someone in your life who is asking this very basic question..." Do you love me?" What is your reply? Let your family know again that you love them. Look them straight in the eyes... and say it " Yes.. I do .. love you! Let your words and actions show those around you that you love them..

I once heard someone say, "...a man would rather a woman EXPRESS they respect them vs. hearing a woman SAY they love them" and I wondered how could that be possible? But, the more I thought of it...it made perfect sense.  LOVE is an action word.  Not only do we speak the existence of love, but we express it through our actions.....

Although love is an action....and we go through great lengths to SHOW our love....it can still reflect as an uncertainty.  Why? Because everyone has their view of what love SHOULD BE. For example...most women like to HEAR the words, "I love you".... Most men like to SEE expressions of love... and most children determine the degree of love by how much time you spend with them and on them.  How will you know which applies? lol You won't!

There will always be tests of love....there will always be uncertainty....no matter how hard u try...no matter how far you extend urself....but at the end to the day....the people you love and who love you most, will appreciate and know WITHOUT DOUBT, that you truly LOVE them.