Criteria in a Potential Mate....

Everybody has standards.  If they told you they don't, they are CLEARLY lying.  (That or they're settling) Sometimes the man's standards differ from the female's...and that's cool. As long as the standards together "make sense" and the two agree...It's all good. Let's get this blog rollin....

Mista's Top 6: 

Interest: One important criteria that defines a potential mate is how interested they are in your life. SHARE something significant that is going on in your life and see if they call to follow up and find out what happened. If they don't mention it on their own.......give them a hint...it's then you will find out if they were really listening.

LOYALTY: Tell them a secret about a mutual friend and see if it gets back to them. A true potential good mate know the value of trust in a relationship. Tend to shake the story up so it won't make sense when it gets back to the other person.

PRIDE: Anyone can tell you to cheer up. It makes them feel good. But if you want to see if they're supportive of you, mention something you're proud of and see if they give you a pat on the back. If they're not driven by jealousy and envy they'll do just that. A true potential good mate is proud of my accomplishments, not jealous of my successes.

Honesty: A true potential good mate is someone who tells you the things that you don't want to hear. They are willing to have you be upset with them if it will help you.... they tell you things that are for your benefit even though they know that it might make you upset with them.

RESPECT: I'll tell her that there is something exciting.... something that is good.... going on in my life but I absolutely prefer not to talk about it right now and see if she presses me on it. There's a difference between curiosity and concern. If she must know, then she's just interested in the gossip and not in me. A good woman will respect my wishes and give me my space... for now. She may bring it up from time to time, because she's interested, but she won't constantly and immediately press me on it if I make it clear that I choose not to discuss it now.

Sacrifice: I want to know is she willing to give up something if it means making me happy. Will she sacrifice her own pleasure for my happiness.. is the word compromise in her vocabulary.. and when the chips are down and its me against her..most people scramble to protect their own interests. Notice if she is the one who has ideas or a plan to help both of you to escape unscathed or whether she just looks to save herself and protect her own interest.

ME's Top 8:

Of course I will have some that will overlap Mista...but for the most part, mine is quite simple.


1. God Fearing: If a man is TRULY a God Fearing man, most of the things, if not all the things Mista listed will come naturally.  He will love God, his family and himself.  There is nothing this man will not do to make this relationship work.


2.  A Communicator: Any mate of mine will not only have to communicate his feelings to me, but EXPECT me to do the same.  No relationship can last without communication. It is the base of loyalty, trust and commitment. 


3. Love for Not only me, but my girls: I am a single parent. No...ur not dating my kids...but ur presence in my life will not only affect me, but them as well.  Im a true believer in the term "package deal." A bad relationship with my kids will send you packing....


4. Respect: Respect me for who I am and what we are to each other.  Change is inevitable...some things will change...some things won't....so don't come into a relationship with me tryna change me. I was who I was when u met me. Accept me or keep it moving.


5.  Honesty: Don't ask me anything you don't want an honest answer to-- and I won't either.  If you have to lie; I don't need u.... 


6. Trust and Commitment: Yes. I put the two together.  They go hand in hand.  Trust my words and actions and u will know Im committed to u and the relationship. Don't go looking for things-- it can very easily be misconstrued....or better yet, ask me.  It may not be what u wanna hear but u did ask. (Refer back to #5)


7.  Financially Sound: Everyone likes to have nice things.  That's cool. But bills come first. You have to be able to manage money...and u have to realize, home comes first.  No exceptions. 


Finally, number 8.


8.  Sexual Compatibility: Call me shallow....a nympho....whatever. I'm just being real. If we are NOT compatible in bed, it won't work. No, sex won't always be what it was (in time) but as for now...we need to match.  No use in frontin. kmsl

8 out of 14 ranks a good mate.  How does ur mate rank?

Friends with Benefits

I was sitting here thinking about how we would come back after our hiatus.  It's been complicated...but despite it all, we're still friends.  Mista and I both have big hearts...we don't mind falling...and if we fail...well, we just try again.  After all, if life was perfect, we'd have no purpose. Ijs.....

Ok..back to blogging...it's sooooo easy to get off track.

Imma start off by asking....is there really a such thing as Friends with Benefits? I mean, think about it...is it really smart to "cross the line" with a friend? Would you wanna give up the goodies to someone who only regards u as a "friend"? Me personally, I think the term is cop out bc basically what ur doing is either establishing or testing a relationship with someone you already know. U leave the term friend in it so if it doesn't work, u can say well, "I think we're better as friends." It's bullsh%&!

Anyone who has more than one night of endless sex with someone is going to have feelings of some sort. (unless ur just a total a$$ with no heart--and even then u just don't admit it) So.....the more u have sex....the more feelings surface. Whether they are good feelings or bad feelings, feelings WILL occur.  How could that ever really become a benefit?

Society has taken friendship and put it in the wrong mold.  It's almost like... making jello and pouring it into a cement mold. It doesn't fit. Yes, the substance is there, but it will never fill or conform true to its existence. Friends are people who are there through it all.  They know ur faults, ur likes, ur dislikes...and no matter how far u stray, they remain by ur side. A friend can see u totally nude and not even think about it...except maybe to say, umm...did u use lotion today? lol Benefits....a benefit is a reward for an act. U are rewarded for something u did, said etc. My thing is this, if I do something for a friend, I do it because that's my friend....not for a reward. and...even better....I benefit from the things I learn through my friend...we learn together. It's part of the friendship...not a separate "benefit package"...this isn't a job! kmsl
Sooo....Stop it already with the Friends with Benefits term. Keep it simple....let it remain how it is...Cutty Buddy...OPP...side piece...whatever the case may be. Leave that term for Hollywood, because "in real life" it's nothing but comedy.

(stepping off my soap box).....Mista...ur up.

Mista With Benefits you say.... kmsl, RO ain't having none of that talk..... lady's this is a concept some women have an extremely hard time comprehending from a man's perspective, but I'm going to make a strong attempt to bring some clarity to it. I hate to sound repetitive, but men are simple creatures. We operate more by instinct than women do.... yes, almost like a common animal, if that helps you to understand. As much as I hate to say it, we're almost like a puppies. Smh .. > I did not say Dog that's so cliche... For example, if you feed a puppy, play ball with him, rub his belly, pat him on the head, talk lovingly to him, and show him the smallest degree of love, he will be your buddy for life. You can open the gate and he'll stay without ever running away because he appreciates your goodness. In a nut shell, out goes the term "friends with benefits" .... you see any highly affected seducer knows that no man can ever be sexually with one woman and just be the "friend with benefits".... just like the little puppies we'll want to guard and stay.... other then that the puppy needs to become a dog.... sleeping with more than one woman... smh, at that point it would truly not be a benefit.... can you say.... a "epidemic".... In Mister's opinion friends with benefits is what one or the other with in the friendship is saying that .... hey you're not what I'm looking for, but you'll do until the ONE comes over the hill..ijs who wants to be the go between rebound brotha/sista.. a playmate not a soulmate. Don't play yourself. Do the right thing, and save yourself the headaches and the heartaches.... better alone than poorly accompanied. If you're going to work to afford yourself the finer things in life, put forth the work to attain a man who reflects your standards. Coworkers, girlfriends, and platonic guy friends are a nice complement for the woman afraid, but none of them can replace the joy of a fruitful relationship with your own Mister...

Prayed Together

This blog here is a little different... its been on my mind for a couple of days on how to share.... not only that...... but I'm blogging from my phone...so this is a little brand new... So bare with me.... hmmmm, so lets talk about praying together... well let see .... I tell you what.... let me try sharing with my own story on praying together. Now with understanding of the importants of the spiritual connection this tends to be one of the first things, I want to know about a potential mate...... is there faith. 

Dating one young ladii ... I asked her if she would have problems praying with me or doing biblical topic conversations on verses... she said sure she would be okay with it .... surprisingly it went good for about two weeks...... one time a week and then...... excuse and issues kept coming up why she could not.. <<smiling>>>  now... I'm not saying do this with everyone you date.... but if you're thinking beyond ... it makes sense if you are serious about your faith. I dated another young ladii and she agreed.. but on the first biblical topic it came out that she didn't believe that Jesus was the only way to heaven.. "unevenly yoke"...

WoW...now.... I'm thinking ..... I'm not having to much success with trying to connect on a deeper level.... smh... but had a converstaion one night with RO <<<smiling>>  remembering late night on the phone... RO had gotten sleepy and she says to me ... "come on and lets pray"... she wanted me to spiritually lead the prayer.... <<smiling>> the day RO and I "Prayed Together"... secured the loyal friendship of mines for life... no matter what we become as potential mates, she will always be a woman I RESPECT.

The prayer life of togetherness is important.... it gives protection and brings potential relationships and marriages into the right light because prayer purifies and refocuses your attention back to God and His will for your life. Prayer breaks down resistance and expose the heart. It is the place where man and woman become spiritually naked and unashamed again... bringing joy and a sense of divine peace.

<<smiling>> I'm sure RO has a reason why she wanted to pray together that night...

Now Now Mister ... Everything I do or say has reason...

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I can fall asleep faster than a frog can catch a fly...kmsl...I have been that way for as long as I remember--and my kids are the same way. Sleep is sometimes few and far between in the life of a single Mom so I cherish every moment (smile)

Everything I do or say has reason.  It could be minor or major...but trust me when I say, it always matters. After being in a marriage for 11 years unevenly yoked, I learned that prayer is the root of all relationships...and without it, the family cannot survive. In dating, people sometimes overlook things like religion or pet peeves only to find when they say "I do", it becomes a MAJOR issue. (l learned that the hard way)

My strategy to find out if a man knows and loves God is by asking him to pray.  Whether it's blessing our food or praying for strength throughout the day or simply a good night prayer....if he resists...he's NOT for me. I acknowledge God in all that I do. Doesn't make me better than anyone else....doesn't mean Im the perfect Christian...it just means I know that ALL things are possible through GOD, not man.

Needless to say, Mista passed.  He paused when I asked...but seconds later, heads were bowed and the Spirit of God was upon us at that very moment--drawing our hundreds of miles apart into ONE mind. Isn't God good? If we always looked to God and allowed HIM to lead us in our relationships/marriages, don't you know how many divorces/breakups WOULDN'T happen???

So YES, Mista.... I agree...Prayer in any relationship takes away the stubbornness of self and replaces it with grace. And if that relationship doesn't survive...I'm more than certain, a friendship WILL remain...








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